I have had this blog for several months now. It is a way of release for me. I am able to talk, to no one in particular, about my diabetes. I get to share my views, my frustrations, and other areas of my life that are continually effected by diabetes.
I started this blog after reading Kerri's blog over at Six Until Me. When I was trying to think of a title, I put on my "Kerri brain". This would be the brain where I try my best to think like Kerri. I'm not sure that she would agree that this is a good thing, but when it comes to writing, I believe it is. Kerri has a way with words that I wish I could have.
This would be what happened when I made up my title: I thought about how much that diabetes consumes my life. The first thing I do in the morning: check my blood sugar. The last thing I do at night before bed: check my blood sugar. Every bite of food that enters my mouth: carbs are counted & calculated. Every activity that I do: make sure the blood sugars will be normal (i.e. dropping basal rates, eating extra food, etc.). And constantly being sure that I have something with which to treat a low blood sugar, change an infusion site, or handle a drastic change in schedule.
Every aspect of my life is consumed by this disease. I can ignore it. I can make it less of a priority in my life. I spent years doing this. But I decided that it's "gloves off" time. I am not going to let the grim prospects that most diabetics face, come to me. I want to delay or prevent as many complications as humanly possible. In order to do this, I have to make diabetes a major part of my existence.
If you want the truth, diabetes and I have a love/hate relationship. It loves me (obviously, since it has been around so long! LOL) and I love to hate it. I have a choice to make. I can hate diabetes and ignore it. Or I can hate it and fight it. Head on. Face to face. And that's what I am prepared to do. Even if it takes Every Minute of Every Hour of Every Day.
6 comments:
Well said. I feel the same way. It's definitely love/hate, and I have spent much of my 18 years with this disease ignoring it, or pretending I could do as I pleased, diabetes be damned. I didn't have to be controlled by diabetes--I controlled it (by not controlling it). Ridiculous thinking, I know...so now I am reigning in my diabetes, as well, fighting hard to do the right thing for myself and my body.
I admire you for putting words into action and doing it. I just stumbed upon your blog today, but will keep reading. I have one, too, if you're interested. I think we have a lot in common, and am glad to have joined the OC.
Keep on rockin'!
This was a great post! I know what you mean. It never goes away. It's always there whether you want it to be or not.
BTW, I wish I could write like Kerri, too. But you do a great job & I love reading your blog. It's very real. Keep it up!
Great post Cara!
I totally get what you mean about facing it head on, every day, every hour, every minute. I'm hoping that kind of mindset makes things second nature instead of suffocating.
But judging by your determined words, I'm sure you'll handle it with grace.
-- Kerri.
(And thank you for your kind words about my writing. But be thankful that you don't have to listen to my brain all the time - it never shuts up, it's always yelling at me to do something, and it refuses to do the dishes. Damn brain.)
Hi Cara. Over the last 25 years, I cannot begin to count how many times I have described home glucose monitoring to non-diabetics by saying, "it's the first thing I do in the morning, and the last thing I do at night." Your post is absolutely right on. --Jeff
Great post! You have a wonderful attitude to fight this disease! You are so right about diabetic friends, they are the best and while you might not have much in common initially, you quickly find there is more similarities than before! I think it is the common struggle and determination to beat the disease that makes us all connected. No one can talk about lows with you unless they too know exactly the havoc it can wreck on your body and your life!
Allison
Community Outreach
AgaMatrix, Inc.
www.wavesense.info
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