We all make them. When you’re a full-time vital organ, things become rote. Test, calculate carbs, bolus. When you’ve been doing the same thing over and over again for years upon years, sometimes you can even forget you’ve done it. I’m terrible to check my blood sugar twice in a row because I’ve forgotten that I’ve done it the first time.
One thing I’ve not done in years (in fact, it was 2005 if I remember correctly) is bolus, or give an injection twice. Sadly, I can’t say that anymore. Monday I was home for lunch and checked my blood sugar and bloused for lunch. Then I got my food out of the microwave and bloused again before I ate. It wasn’t very long before I realized it. But it was still too late to take the insulin back. :/ The bolus was done and I had twice as much insulin on board as I should have had.
So, I did what any good diabetic would do. I went to get ice cream. :) Talk about a good excuse. Honestly, if there had been a cupcake store in my hometown, I would have gone with cupcakes, but since there weren’t, a Blizzard from Dairy Queen did the trick. My blood sugar didn’t drop. And I had a very happy tummy.
My biggest issue in the whole thing was that blousing (and testing) has become so routine for me that I forget I’ve done it. I know I’ve been at this diabetes thing for 25 years. I’ve been pumping for almost 5 years now. And I know that because I do this everyday it is supposed to be “easy” or at least normal for me (and it is). But it also bothers me that it’s so normal. I wish that blousing and testing and counting carbs weren’t normal for me. I wish I didn’t have a need to know that information.
This post really started out just to tell you about how crazy I felt about double blousing. Instead it has turned into this: I’m tired today. I’m tired of dealing with diabetes. I don’t believe it’s burn-out. Just exhaustion. I don’t often get like this, but I’m tired of dealing with diabetes. I’m tired of testing and blousing and counting carbs and doctors appointments. And I’d just like a couple of days off. Is that so wrong?
But I’ll keep going because we all know there are no vacations with diabetes. My heart only breaks for the children who are dealing with these feelings as well. And I’m just praying that they won’t have to be sitting at 25 years and complaining about double blousing. That somewhere in some smart scientist’s mind, there’s a cure waiting. And that there’s the funding to make it a reality.