Thursday, March 31, 2011

Stupid Mistakes

We all make them. When you’re a full-time vital organ, things become rote. Test, calculate carbs, bolus. When you’ve been doing the same thing over and over again for years upon years, sometimes you can even forget you’ve done it. I’m terrible to check my blood sugar twice in a row because I’ve forgotten that I’ve done it the first time.

One thing I’ve not done in years (in fact, it was 2005 if I remember correctly) is bolus, or give an injection twice. Sadly, I can’t say that anymore. Monday I was home for lunch and checked my blood sugar and bloused for lunch. Then I got my food out of the microwave and bloused again before I ate. It wasn’t very long before I realized it. But it was still too late to take the insulin back. :/ The bolus was done and I had twice as much insulin on board as I should have had.

So, I did what any good diabetic would do. I went to get ice cream. :) Talk about a good excuse. Honestly, if there had been a cupcake store in my hometown, I would have gone with cupcakes, but since there weren’t, a Blizzard from Dairy Queen did the trick. My blood sugar didn’t drop. And I had a very happy tummy.

My biggest issue in the whole thing was that blousing (and testing) has become so routine for me that I forget I’ve done it. I know I’ve been at this diabetes thing for 25 years. I’ve been pumping for almost 5 years now. And I know that because I do this everyday it is supposed to be “easy” or at least normal for me (and it is). But it also bothers me that it’s so normal. I wish that blousing and testing and counting carbs weren’t normal for me. I wish I didn’t have a need to know that information.

This post really started out just to tell you about how crazy I felt about double blousing. Instead it has turned into this: I’m tired today. I’m tired of dealing with diabetes. I don’t believe it’s burn-out. Just exhaustion. I don’t often get like this, but I’m tired of dealing with diabetes. I’m tired of testing and blousing and counting carbs and doctors appointments. And I’d just like a couple of days off. Is that so wrong?

But I’ll keep going because we all know there are no vacations with diabetes. My heart only breaks for the children who are dealing with these feelings as well. And I’m just praying that they won’t have to be sitting at 25 years and complaining about double blousing. That somewhere in some smart scientist’s mind, there’s a cure waiting. And that there’s the funding to make it a reality.

6 comments:

Araby62 (a.k.a. Kathy) said...

I sympathize (:-) A couple of months ago I forgot to take my daily Lantus. The scary part was that I couldn't remember if I had or not--T had a total brain fart! I ended up erring on the side of caution and waiting until the next day to get back on track, and just did Humalog every couple of hours (fortunately I was home the whole time). We're only human!

Laura said...

This is me last night: why is my sugar 422?????

Oh. I ate pudding and forgot to bolus. Crap.....

I do find that having a "history" feature on my pump makes it easier. Back when I was on injections? Forget about it.....

Hallie said...

Dang it, I'm in tears! I read this after a long day of highs - complete with moderate ketone and feeling I'll - to low after low after low overnight- to HI again this morning. She feels terrible. I don't know what to do... And I'm tired. It's only been 2 years. But I'm tired.

Sometimes I test and totally forget the number I JUST SAW!! Ugh!!

Robert said...

I hear ya! I often times wish that I could get a break from being a diabetic, especially on those days where you just cant catch a break. Keep plugging along. There is hope out there!

Karen G said...

Oh yeah, I've done it too. Also when I was on MDIs I had plenty of time when I couldn't remember if I had taken my Lantus or not. It's so important the people understand that diabetes is not as easy as they think - and this post is a great way to let them know that!!

Anonymous said...

I'm really awful with remembering to actually bolus.. i think its the stress of first year college, i keep getting really high highs because i'll run to get dinner, then go right to studying and not remember to bolus what i just ate! Most frustrating, hoping setting some reminders will start to make it better.