Tomorrow's the day I pick up the trial Dex. Other than that, I'm just burned out on diabetes right now. I'm so tired to the wild blood sugar swings. I'm tired of feeling horrible from highs and shaky from lows. Hypo unawareness? Lately it seems to have taken a vacation on me. On one hand, that's
a good thing. I actually feel my lows. On the other hand, I'm a shaky sweaty mess when I'm in the high 60s. I hate that.
Part of me is hoping that the Dex will kick me into wanting to try harder. The other part of me wonders if I'll ever care again. Sure, I want to be healthy and as complication free as possible. But lately, the immediate work is something I am not only unmotivated to do, it also seems that when I try it doesn't do any good.
I go back on my endo in October. My plan after my last horrible appointment, was to be able to go back and and have a lower A1c and to be able to tell my endo that I had "fixed" my motivation issues. At this point I don't know if I'll be able to do that. And I don't know WHY.
Why don't I have the motivation? Why don't I want to do the things I know I should. I start out every day with good intentions...and they seem to fall by the wayside.
Heck, at this point I don't even have the motivation to blog much about diabetes. And I've been severely absent on Twitter. I feel guilty. I miss my friends. I feel like I'm failing as a patient advocate. But I just kind of wish diabetes wasn't around right now. And the more I don't want to feel this way, the more it seems to get worse.
I also feel like the fact that I'm frustrated and burned out is the only thing I blog about anymore and I'm tired of being a whiner. So, know that I love you all. And pray for me and my lack of motivation. And hopefully I'll stop being so negative on this blog.