Guest Post - Diabetes is No Picnic

Yet again, I've come up on a major writer's block. And yet again my friend Sherry has sent over a guest post. Sherry, you are not only one of the sweetest, most sincere people I know, you're also a lifesaver when it comes to my blog. :)

Sherry's other posts can be found on the Your Voice page. Want to submit a post as well? Click HERE for instructions.

It was like any other summer day in the park. Except it was hot! We questioned our sanity at coming out on a day like that but we were already sweaty, so why not just stay a while?

There were 7 of us. Young, healthy looking, active---amid the blankets and picnic lunches and toys that one would play with in a park. We don't know each other well, or hang out together; all we have in common is this group--yet we share the deepest of bonds.

After some general tomfoolery and gadding about, we all sat down to eat together. Nothing unusual about 7 friends sitting about on blankets, opening lunches and gabbing about life in general. We looked just like the rest of the folks in the park that day. Except for one thing.

As lunch began, we all pulled out blood sugar meters, test strips, insulin pumps and syringes. Several minutes of poking, testing, bolusing, counting carbs, injecting, etc. followed. After all the medical hoopla, lunch went on as normal for anyone else. We even went through the list of new restaurants in town, deciding together which ones were the best!

This was one of those 'wow' moments that sneak up and shock me so much. You see, all 7 of us had juvenile diabetes. Four of us were diagnosed as children, two as adults and our 23 year old newcomer was only diagnosed a few months ago. This was our monthly get together--a tradition for the last couple of years since we found each other on the internet and discovered that we lived close enough for some face to face fellowship. Our leader and founder had lived with the disease since childhood was lonesome for the support and fellowship she had had as a child with diabetes. Since she had grown up, there wasn't the fellowship anymore. Adults with type 1? That sounds like a paradox. It was..... only several decades ago. Type 1 diabetes was rapidly fatal in our grandmother's day and age, but it isn't anymore!

Anyhow, since it was way too hot to play, we spent our meeting lying about on blankets and chatting. JDRF has a new publication for adults with type 1 which discusses situations unique to us. We shared with each other how diabetes affected our relationships with friends, our jobs, our marriages and our general lives. We spent time ranting about how type 1 is totally butchered by the media, making our lives much more difficult. We shared about how dating is affected- how one girl had had a date read her medic alert bracelet right on her arm on the first date!- and how the guy never came back again. We praised our boyfriends, husbands, mothers and fathers for sticking with us through all the highs and lows and juice stained clothing. Some of us wondered if we would ever be able to have children, or fly an airplane, or make it through grad school alive. One of us worried out loud about getting a severe cut on her leg and not even feeling it when it happened. Another of us was frustrated at the huge medical bill acquired for dehydration due to an innocent little stomach bug. One of our youngest members had just been diagnosed with bleeding in the eye. We wondered about our bodies being ravaged in places we couldn't even see. We talked about losing our eyesight, amputating our limbs and worried that we would someday very soon not be able to get the insulin we need to survive because of the new healthcare reforms. Would the politicians decide we weren't worth the cost of the supplies we need to live? We talked about the fact that none of us would survive this disease.....that in one way or another, this disease would be the major cause of our death. There we were, 7 people not even middle aged, sitting in the park on a sunny Sunday afternoon, having a conversation like that.

As the conversation died down, one by one we fell silent. Unusual for this chattery group. We just looked at each other, out of things to say. We all looked up when we became aware of childish sounding music wafting on the breeze from an ice cream truck. How ironic, I thought. After the conversation we had just had, why should we have to listen to an ice cream truck? None of us could even eat the stupid stuff without major hassles.

We decided that, although diabetes is no picnic in the park, we were just going to lift our heads high and live life to the fullest. We weren't going to miss a single thing we wanted to do!! We weren't going to let this disease steal our lives. We were going to live out the motto of our leader: helping others to live to their healthiest potential. So bring on the ice cream truck....we can handle it! We may even eat some of it! Ha

Burnout - Mara's Story

A couple of years ago I was blessed to meet Mara on one of my many trips to New York. Even though she's not a blogger, Mara and I have become facebook friends and have stayed in touch. I love that she has agreed to write something for my "Your Voice" project and I really feel like it fits perfectly into Diabetes Awareness Month. I would venture to say that anyone living with diabetes has suffered what we call "burnout" at least once (most of us many more times than that).

This is a big reminder to people that living with diabetes is a full-time job and that it can often times be overwhelming (even when you've lived with diabetes for many years). Here is Mara's story and I'd like to thank her for her gracious submission!


When Cara mentioned that she was seeking “non D-bloggers” to fill in some spots while she took a hiatus due to diabetes burnout, I jumped at the chance. Anyone who knows me via Facebook (either in “real life” or just through the DOC) knows that I am not shy about posting about diabetes. Usually referred to by me as “Big D,” diabetes becomes the focus of many of my posts, which are often vents or questions/requests for feedback from other “D-peeps.” (I put these things in quotation marks because I’m not really sure if other people use these D-nicknames (sorry, “D-nicknames”) or if these are just pet names I have for it in my head!)

So, when Cara told me to go for it, write a guest post, I was trying to think of what I’d write about. This was almost a month and a half ago, a few days before my 20-year Diaversary (Oh come on, I know we all use that one!). I was thinking I’d write about all the things I’ve accomplished in 20 years in spite of the fact that I have diabetes, and because I have diabetes. I was thinking about referencing how I feel that having diabetes as a kid, I’d been forced into independence and self-sufficiency at a young age, and how that just transferred to other areas of my life. I thought of mentioning how through the DOC and in-person events, I’ve met so many other people living with Type I Diabetes for many years like I have, and how wonderful they have been as support, even if I’ve never met them and just read their blog posts and go “Yeah, ok- whew- somebody gets it!” I also thought of writing about how proud I feel that I went through 4 years of college without even knowing that a pump existed, and these days I work a crazy schedule and manage to manage everything, no matter how many other deadlines I have.

You feel a “but” coming, dontcha. I feel it, too. I felt it just at the point when I had all these ideas in my head for my guest post on this blog. That “but” came in the form of one of the most erratic and stressful times of roller-coaster fluctuations I can remember in a long time. I’m still struggling with it, have an endo appointment in a couple weeks, and I know, like all the times like in the past, it will work itself out. But, I felt the irony of not being able to write a guest post to help Cara out in her time of “D-burnout” because I myself was now feeling it. The truth is, I AM proud of my independence, what I’ve accomplished, how incredibly healthy I am despite having a crazy disease like diabetes.

But, I hate it. I hate when I feel one way when I’m low and another when I’m high and when my body is just tired- TIRED- from days and days of ping-ponging between these too. I hate that I work long, crazy hours at my full-time job and have diabetes as my second, unpaid job (one that I did not volunteer for). I hate that I do everything right and sometimes it still goes all wrong. I hate when I eat an entire meal and stuff myself and then realize I’ve miscalculated and have to eat half the kitchen to fix it (which will of course require a correction 3 hours later…). I hate that I bring tons of supplies along when I won’t be home for many days and my high sugar makes me eat through them and send me into panic. I hate that I’m more than ever in need of a CGM but my insurance company disagrees and considers this crucial piece of diabetes management a luxury (um, are there any luxuries you know of in diabetes?!) And I hate that I can’t help out other D-peeps who are in need of comfort and advice because I’m so burnt out myself.

So, why am I writing now? I thought I couldn’t write about diabetes when I was burnt out. I had emailed Cara to say that I didn’t think I could do it at the time because of my burnout. And then I realized that sharing this with the diabetes community would relieve my stress and maybe some of yours. And you know what? It worked. I feel like I’m writing to a journal, and it feels good to get my frustrations out in writing (and I even saw that others blogged about the burnout, too). But, it feels even better to share my frustrations (and successes…) with people who I know at one time or another have felt the same thing. And, um, yeah – we should all be incredibly proud of ourselves. We’ll see what the next 20 years bring.

The Invisible Man (Woman)

Here's another "Your Voice" post from my good friend Sherry. She is such a blessing and has a beautiful way with words. I've been holding onto this post for a while, but I thought that it was perfect for Diabetes Awareness Month considering the insight it gives into having a low while in public. For each person it can be different, but I've had the same scary feelings that Sherry speaks about in her post.

For now Sherry doesn't blog. Instead, I let her post here whenever she feels like she has something to day. However, I think I'll eventually turn her to the "dark side"...it just might take a little while. ;) You can find Sherry on facebook.

I sometimes wonder if I am made of plastic. Not visible to the human eye. Sometimes this is frustrating.

Here’s the scene….I’m in the local mall, scurrying around preparing for our upcoming wedding. (our 25th anniversary wedding…happening in a mere two weeks, but that is another story.) The ring bearers need matching shirts. My husband needs a pink necktie and my son needs a yellow one, but I won’t know what shade of yellow until I see the dress the bridesmaid has. I call her on my cell phone, but she doesn’t answer. Ties are in abundance in these big stores, but try looking for a certain color and you have a challenge that is daunting! But I digress….

I’m bustling about the department store, pushing my youngest son in his wheelchair. He and his chair together weigh more than I do…plus we have the usual profusion of diaper bags, purses, feeding supplies, packages, etc. hanging off the back of the chair.

Giving up temporarily on finding the right colors of ties, I meander over to the little boys section. I’m delighted to find matching shirts, snatch them up and pray they will fit, and proceed to the checkout. There are several people ahead of me, and the computers are acting up, providing quite a tizzy among the workers. All of a sudden, I realize I feel low. Odd, since it’s only 11:30 a.m. I brush off the feeling and continue waiting. A few minutes later, I realize I probably should see what is going on in the blood sugar department. I slink off behind a rack of clothes since I don’t want to do the finger poking and bleeding routine in front of the innocent children wandering around. After all, this is the children’s clothing department. My meter confirms a saucy little 55, but I feel about 25. Glucose tablets come out amid the curious stares of the children, wondering why this lady is sitting on the floor eating candy. No one above age 12 notices the lady sitting on the floor.

After getting up and paying for the shirts, I make my way to the food court on the opposite end of the mall. The road looks terribly long to me. I finally can’t push or walk anymore so I sit down. My little 9 year old son, in his wheelchair, sits beside me. He is only about 10 months old mentally, but he reaches out his one usable limb, his right arm, and tries to touch me. I pull his chair closer and lay my head on his chest. He proceeds to hold me tight and rub my back. It feels wonderful to be touched. I don’t know how long we sat this way, but when I opened my eyes, I realized there is an ice cream stand right in front of me. Two middle aged ladies are working there, chatting and staring at me. They say not a word to me.

I finally feel like I can walk so I proceed to the food court and try to purchase some food. This requires more thought patterns than I currently have in my brain, and I discover that I left my change purse back in the children’s department. Fortunately I have some money in my purse and purchase food, but by now I can’t remember how to eat it.

As I sit there amid dozens of people, I lay my head on the table beside the food. I know the food will help me, but only if it enters my body. I can’t seem to remember how to put it in my mouth. Once again, I figure I must be made of plastic. No one sees me. No one thinks it’s odd that a lady is lying on the table, not eating the food in front of her. I remember feeling very lost…..like a little child in a crowd with no one to guide me. I feel vulnerable and sad. I wonder why no one cares.

Relating this story to my husband later that evening, he says that he thinks people are afraid to get involved. Afraid to help someone in need because of a lawsuit. I tell him, “How can someone get a lawsuit for giving a person food?” He says people just don’t know, they don’t understand Type 1. Right.

Guess I’ll just continue to be plastic. Invisible. Or maybe ladies lying in the floor at the mall eating candy are commonplace. I’ll have to look next time I’m there shopping. Maybe I just missed them because I was low.

A "Your Voice" Hiatus

For the past month I've been having guest bloggers twice a week as part of the "Your Voice" project. I wanted people who aren't bloggers to have a chance to share their stories about diabetes. At first the posts were coming in fairly well, but now they have dwindled. However, I am NOT abandoning this project. Unoffically, it has no end. All the posts are still linked and all the information on how to submit a post is still listed at the top of the page.

I encourage you to submit a post if you'd like. Even if you've already submitted one. I hope to continue this project so that people living with diabetes can have an outlet to share without the time commitment of a blog of their own. So, if you know someone that might like to share a story with the Diabetes Online Community, click the little link at the top of the page for Info on the "Your Voice" project.

I can't wait to share your story.

Diabetes: A Meter's Point of View

Shortly after I posted my first request for guest bloggers for the then untitled "Your Voice" project, a facebook friend, Jessica Munoz, contacted me with a great post. She was actually my first reply.

I'd like to thank Jessica for sharing her post and her time. :) Comment and leave her some D-OC love!


I wear a sticker that states “It’s just a number” but I can tell by her face it’s much more than that. Had I known how much I would be cried on, yelled at and occasionally thrown I would have switched part places at the factory and became a digital watch instead. Or perhaps I would have aspired to be a meter model; flashing those lovely 95’s and 113’s in the fancy pages of magazines.

But alas, my days are filled with 400’s and 43’s flashing HIGH and LOW. I wait patiently after the LOW wishing she would come back and test again. I shout “I’ll give you a better number this time!” in the quietness of my dark zippered case eager to not see the flashing lights of the ambulance reflect off of my scratched screen once again.

She always comes back to me, thankfully, she always comes back.

Today she comes back to me with a renewed sense of hope, fresh test strips in hand. She has received the encouragement she needs to look forward to another day. An improved A1C, an “I know it’s hard but you can do this” from Dr. B, a hug and a “We love you” from her sweet boys.

The countdown begins; she is holding her breath…3, 2, 1…126! I get the smile I’ve been longing to see. It is just a number sweet girl, remember that. Keep coming back to me and we will work through this together.

Jessica was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes in February 2000. She's been on the pumping for 10 years and lives in sunny San Diego with her husband and two boys.

Calling all Non-bloggers!

Currently I am on a diabetes blogging hiatus. Mostly because I have no inspiration right now for various reasons. But, I don't want to leave my readers hanging, so I'm starting up a little project. I'd very much like to share the stories of my non-blogging readers.

If you have diabetes, care for someone with diabetes, are a sibling, relative, friend of someone with diabetes, and you have a story to share, e-mail me at beth2027@yahoo.com . I'd like to share your story with my readers. Because even though you may think you have nothing to say, everyone has a story to tell about diabetes. :)

I may not get to post all of them, but contact me and we'll see what I can get done. I'd really, really, really like it if there were some people who are not traditionally connected to diabetes (i.e. has it themselves, or is the primary caregiver of someone with diabetes). I'll take anyone, but I'd like to hear how your parent's diagnosis, or your best friend's low blood sugar while you were shopping, or your grandchild's first overnight stay with you after diagnosis went.

If you read this and you are a blogger, but know someone who might want to share their story who maybe doesn't read my blog, pass the info along.

There are a lot of ways that one can be affected by diabetes. I'd like for more people to realize in how many ways diabetes effects the people around the actual person living with the disease!