Waiting on Direction

Lately, I've been dealing with a lot of different things. Diabetes is kicking my tail right now. Or maybe I'm letting it kick my tail. When I switched doctors to Vanderbilt Diabetes Center, my first A1c was 6.7. I knew that was higher than it had been running. And I didn't like it. It had slowly been creeping back up on me, due to a variety of reasons. My second appointment at Vanderbilt was last Wednesday. At that appointment, in less than the normal 3 month period, it had gone up again to 6.9. That is the highest A1c I've had since before going on CGMS. VERY close to being my highest since going on the pump.

I was NOT pleased with this. But I knew it was going to be high. I knew it was going to be something that was an issue for me.

First off, let me give you a little bit of background, I've been STRESSED. ALOT. My job is killing me right now. I've lost almost any desire to work there. The few aspects of my job that always annoyed me seem to be around all the time now, and the good parts seem to be getting fewer and fewer. Also, stress seems to seep into other areas of my life as well. This is effecting my diabetes. In the mix with this, I had a trip out of town (and we all know how that effects the blood sugars), or two or three. And I've been having trouble sleeping.

So, you see, diabetes has been crazy here lately. I'm quite positive, that without my CGMS, my A1c would have been much higher.

Still, I want it down. I'm currently tracking my blood sugars to fax to my nurse practitioner at the end of the week. I'm also doing my best not to get terribly stressed at work; you know, leave it there kind of thing.

In the midst of this, I've been attending a class called Financial Peace University that is a Dave Ramsey course. Dave Ramsey, if you didn't know, is a financial advisor and helps people to get and stay out of debt. If you have ever thought about getting out of debt, thought you had too much debt, weren't sure where all your money is going, or basically felt like you wanted to have more money to do fun stuff with, I highly suggest you check out Dave Ramsey. He's fantastic. And he doesn't just deal with money. Last week, the lesson was on working in your strengths. Basically, finding what you love to do and doing it as a career. If you are meant to be an artist, you're going to make a really bad banker...or at least not the banker you could be if you were meant to be one. :)

On of the books he mentions in that lesson is a book called 48 Days to the Work You Love by a man named Dan Miller. The book, so far (I'm only part way through), is touching on God's calling for our lives. Everyone is born with certain traits, certain good things they are good at. And yet, we spend all our time working on the things we AREN'T good at, instead of cultivating the good things. Hmmm...think about that for a while.

Anyway, there was a poem in the book that really touched me. And made me think that I need to start looking for ways to do what I love...but first I have to figure out what that is. :)

"A Prayer for Joy"

Help me, O God,

To listen to what it is that makes my heart glad

And to follow where it leads.

May joy, not guilt,

Your voice, not the voices of others,

Your will, not my willfulness,

Be the guides that lead me to my vocation.

Help me to unearth the passions of my heart

That lay buried in my youth.

And help me to go over that ground again and again

Until I can hold in my hands,

Hold and treasure,

Your calling on my life.

--Ken Gire, Windows of the Soul

I don't know what I'm going to do, or when, or how. But for now, this is my prayer. I don't think a job should make a person unhappy. And when it effects my diabetes health, it becomes even more of an issue. So today, I go to work to be the most positive, hard working person I can be. And to continue to pray for guidance and direction for what He wants me to do with my life.