Friday, August 17, 2012

Happy/Sad

Lately my life has been in upheaval. I've been traveling a LOT since January and I was actually gone as much as I was home in July. It's not work related, and I've enjoyed myself greatly....but sometimes, no matter how hard we try, life and circumstance conspire against us.

Depression and anxiety are things that I've never been formally diagnosed with, but I know I've dealt with at many times in my life. Prayer, good friends and family, and counting my blessings most often help me out and the time passes, usually fairly quickly. In fact, I hadn't had an issue in a couple of years until a little over a month ago.

I recognized the signs of depression in myself after a couple of weeks. I've waited for it to pass and kept myself busy, but it's lingering a little longer than normal this time. It's not to say I don't have good days, or good times. I do. Many of them.
In fact, just this week I went to my endo appointment and found out that despite all my travel and instability, my A1c is back below 7 AND I've lost some weight (not much, but still). But on the flip side, I'm being put on cholesterol medicine again, after being off it for a couple of years.

I thoroughly enjoyed Roche Summit and had such a fabulous time while I was there. Just last weekend, I took a VERY quick day trip to New York that also filled me with happiness and joy.

But, I notice things. I'm more tired than normal. In the quite moments at home the helplessness and hopelessness sneaks in. I want to cry, but I can't find the energy or the time. There are times when I just want to crawl right out of my skin.

I know how blessed I am. I know how much I have to be thankful for. I'm blessed beyond measure. But sometimes it's more than a state of mind. My mind tells me one thing, and my emotions tell me something else.

My first plan to tackle this is to keep on praying. God has gotten me through so many things in my life and I know He won't let me down. Next up, I'm not going to isolate myself. By keeping in touch with my friends (both online and off), I am keeping myself both busy and happier. After that, I don't know. I'm hoping this, like my other experiences, passes quickly. But I do want to thank the D-OC for making me less afraid to seek professional help if I need it. Knowing that others have done it gives me the courage to know I can too, if I need it.

Mostly, I'd like to ask you to keep me in your prayers and to keep me accountable. Tweet me. Facebook me. Don't let me wallow, when I have so much else to be doing.

6 comments:

Rachel said...

**hugs**

I can't say much more than that right now because I'm in the thick of it, too.

luvleamum.com said...

thanks for sharing, i really appreciate when people are open about depression, it affects so many

Wendy Rose said...

Sending you love and prayers, my friend. I hope you find more peaceful, happy days ahead.

Sarah/@smartDpants said...

Love. Love. Love. I have been more the isolation person, at least w/blogging--lots going on, at least in my crazy head, and scared to say things out loud. So you're ahead of me there. Please call or text or email or anything, whenever. I mean it. You aren't alone, even if it feels like it. We have your back. We're with you. Many hugs and much love. xoxo

Colleen said...

BIG hugs and lots of prayers.

Jess said...

ohmygoodness, yes. just yes. me too. and i do the same thing. i pull away. i isolate. as i have been lately.

i'll tweet you if you tweet me. <3