Another Example of Ignorance

I was visiting Kerri's site today, as I do most days, and she had posted on her page a comment on the sidebar relating to Halle Berry. We have all known that Halle Berry was a diabetic, but I know most of us couldn't figure out whether she was a Type 1 or a Type 2. Apparently, she doesn't know either! The page stated that Ms. Berry was diagnosed as a Type 1 but had "weaned myself off insulin" and now considered herself a Type 2 diabetic. At first I wasn't sure if I should be ticked at the media or at Halle herself. The media prints nonsense like this EVERY DAY without researching what they are writing about and the public believes what they read. But I believe Ms. Berry is the one to blame here. Shouldn't one be knowledgeable about their own disease? Shouldn't one want to know how to control their disease, care for themselves, and be up to date on related topic? I know I want to do these things. Obviously Ms. Berry was misinformed by her "wonderful" doctors at her time of diagnosis and never bothered to find out for herself. So, in turn, she is misinforming hundreds of thousands, and possibly even millions of people about diabetes and the differences between Type 1 & Type 2. As I sit here on my lunch break, eating my chicken salad and trying to feel better from a morning of continually rising blood sugars, I am disheartened to hear that even diabetics themselves can be, and are, sadly misinformed about their disease. In my world, knowledge is power. The more I know, the better off I am. The more I learn, the easier caring for my diabetes will be.

I'm glad Halle Berry is no longer and insulin-dependant diabetic. It's good that she was able to accomplish this task. But I am sad that she doesn't know the basics of a disease that she lives with every day.

How do we change the way the world looks at diabetes? How do we inform and educate? How frustrating it is, especially for Type 1 diabetics, to deal with people telling you there is a cure. There is NO CURE for diabetes at this time. I hope for one. I pray for one. I work for one. But there's not one yet.

He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named

Those of you who read Harry Potter know that name Voldemort strikes fear in the hearts of Wizards and Witches everywhere. The word being spoken caused people to cringe and shudder. I have found a word that is the equivalent of Voldemort in my world: CANCER.

I have very little experience with cancer, thank God! I have known people to have cancer. I have an aunt that survived breast cancer, My maternal grandfather passed away on my eleventh birthday from lung cancer. My paternal grandfather died when I was in college after a long battle with prostate cancer. Outside of this, I haven't had to deal with cancer. I haven't been around for most of these. I didn't live in the areas of these people that I love as the dealt with cancer.

But I have recently had another brush with The-Sickness-Which-Shall-Not-Be-Named. My niece is eighteen years old. I was seven when she was born. She spent most of her life not living in the same town as me. I remember being at the hospital the night she was born. My brother came out of the delivery room dressed in his blue scrubs smiling from ear to ear. I couldn't understand why they wouldn't let me see the baby that night. I was only seven; hospital policy didn't register in my mind.

I remember holding her when they brought her home. She was so tiny, and I loved babies. My brother & his family lived all over the country until 10 years ago. They moved back to my town and I spent a few years, before moving away to go to college, getting to be around my niece and nephew. I enjoyed it.

After my brother & his wife divorced, my sister-in-law moved to Michigan & took the kids. My nephew lived there for a year or so & then decided he wanted to come back. My niece, however, is in her element. She loves it in Michigan. She has lots of friends and has made a life for herself. She graduated from high school in June and has a job.

But last week she found out she has Hodgkin's Lymphoma. This cancer of the lymph nodes has attacked her and she will now have to have chemotherapy. She is going to loose her hair. That's the part she is most worried about. But this word: CANCER.... it strikes fear in my heart. Fear for her. She's so young. She has her whole life ahead of her.

I did some research on my own, and thankfully, this type of cancer has a really good survival rate.

But that fear is still there. Every time I say the word CANCER, I cringe. Like Ron Weasley does every time Harry Potter says "Voldemort".

So those of you who are here, in this diabetes community with me, know what it's like to live life with a chronic illness. We live it every day. We are uninsurable. We know this. But now my niece has, in an essence, join the ranks of living with a chronic disease. Please pray for us. I am many miles away from here. I can't be there for her. But my prayers can be. And any extra prayers you may have will be greatly appreciated.

The Craziest Hobby Ever (For a Diabetic)

There are people who's names fit them. Like the dentist named Moller. Or the teacher named Learner. It happens. Sometimes people and things just fit together. I am a little bit different than that. I have a lot of different hobbies. I love, love, love to scrapbook! I like to sew, and have been learning to knit. I also like to cook. I read everything I can get my hands on.

But I have this one hobby that should be a total no-no for a diabetic. I love to decorate cakes. Yeah, I know its crazy. Let's give the diabetic a cake mix and a 2 pound bag of powdered sugar and let her make a cake. It makes perfect sense, right? Or not. Sometime I wonder if inhaling all that powdered sugar, as I am making my frosting, is making my blood sugar go up. Is that even possible? I don't know.

But all you diabetics, know that I don't actually eat all the cakes I make. I usually take them to family, or friends, or to work (they love going in the break room and seeing a cake). Yesterday I made a cake and took it to my neighbors today. I didn't even taste it.

I just find it kind of ironic, that as a diabetic, I would pick a hobby that puts me in close contact with the very types of foods that we should stay away from. Or at least only have in moderation. Oh well, I never claimed that I was normal. It's just something else about me that is hard to explain.

Is there anything that you like to do that doesn't fit "the mold" of a diabetic?

No Delivery

I changed my infusion set yesterday morning. Nothing different about the change. No weird feelings or anything like that. My blood sugar even ran pretty normal all day long. I didn't have any insane spikes or crazy readings.

Then last night I got my dinner made and was just sitting down to eat. I tested my blood sugar. It was 73. Not terribly low, but it was certainly time to eat. I bolused and started to eat. About three bites into my food my pump starts buzzing like crazy. Without even looking at it, I knew what it was. I didn't want to look. I didn't want to see. But I knew it had to be done.

I pulled my pump out of my pocket..... NO DELIVERY. Of course this has happened to me before. But not in several months. I've really had not major problems in quite some time.

So, I sit my plate aside, walk into my bathroom and get out my pump supplies and change my infusion set. Oh well. It all worked out. Sure my food was a little cold when I ate, but no biggie. It could be worse. I might not have a pump. Or I might live somewhere where I have no insulin. Or we could live in a world without the technology to home test for blood sugar levels.

I guess when it comes down to it, as much as I hate those stupid NO DELIVERY alerts, I feel pretty lucky. I feel blessed to not have complications after 22 years of diabetes. I feel blessed to have a job that provides me with great health coverage. I feel blessed that I have an insulin pump. I feel blessed that technology has come so far in the years since I was diagnosed.

Sometimes its just in how you look at the situation that makes it easier to handle.

Diabetes Crazy

The past few days have been absolutely crazy in my world. I had family in from out of state, my grandmother was put into the hospital and is now, temporarily, residing in the nursing home, and I have been dealing with blood sugar readings that are driving me NUTS!!

I think that the crazy readings are partially due to the stress and also have to do with me not being as careful about what I eat & when I test. It's frustrating that a time like this can have such a control over my diabetes. But I think it is just part of life.

So for those of you who read my blog, please remember me in your prayers and thoughts. Hopefully by the end of the week things will have slowed down and my life will be getting back to semi-normal.

Thanks and sorry for such a short post!

Meter Comparison

While I was at the JDRF Walk last Saturday I picked up two meters from booths. I have been thinking about getting a new meter, not to mention the fact that I did not have a spare meter on hand. The meters that I got were the Accu-Chek Aviva and the Bayer Ascensia Contour. I am currently using the Paradim Link from BD that is linked with my MiniMed Pump.

This is what I found about each of the meters:

I really liked the Accu-Chek Aviva's case, it's thin design, and the lancet device. Actually, I LOVED the lancet device! The multiclix lancet device was really comfortable and the lancets aren't single. It is a drum with 6 lancets that you can change each time (or less) and you only change the lancet drum after using all the lancets. The Accu-Chek also is a preferred strip on my insurance. Which means less out of pocket for me.

The Bayer Contour was a nice machine. As I will talk about later, it had the results that were closer to my current meter. I did not like the lancet device. It was (in my mind) a throw-back to the older lancet devices in it's design. It wasn't painful, but it was just kind of odd in shape and style. The Bayer strips are not on my insurance's preferred list, therefore it would be more out of pocket cost than some other strips.

The Paradigm Link is my current meter. I have been using it for a little over a year. I really like the fact that it links to my pump and all the results (from both my pump & my meter) can be downloaded to my account on the MiniMed website and I can see averages, trends, etc. I don't like that I waste a LOT of strips when testing with this meter. If the amount of blood is not exactly right you have to retest. I also don't like that the strips are not on my insurance's preferred list. I end up paying more out-of-pocket costs for my strips.

This were the major likes and dislikes of these 3 meters. Then came the biggest thing of all: the blood sugar results. I checked my blood sugar on all three meters at the same time. The results were disturbingly different.

BD: 103
Accu-Chek: 151
Contour: 119

On the second testing at a different time:

BD: 135
Accu-Chek: 160
Contour: 124

The strikingly funny thing was the the Accu-Chek was higher than the other two meters both times. And the Accu-Chek was also the only meter of the 3 that was on the preferred list for strips on my insurance. So are the other 2 meters the better meters? And therefore I have to pay extra for my strips? Is it just because the insurance company doesn't want to pay for the strips for the meters that are more accurate?
Has anyone else had this experience? I swear the more I learn about diabetes the less I feel like I know. And this is after 22 years of living with this disease.

JDRF Walk!

September 29th, 2007 was the Nashville Walk to Cure Diabetes. I went with my mom & sister & we had a wonderful day. Lots of free stuff (I got 2 new meters to try out!) and free food. And just in general spent some time around others wanting the same thing I do: A CURE!
It was the first time I had ever attended an even like this. I was highly impressed & had a lot of fun. I am hoping to go back again next year. I raised a total of $535. I figure for a first timer, that was pretty good. Next year I'll shoot for more! Thanks to all those who helped me out. Know that it went to a wonderful cause.
I haven't been posting lately, so I am very sorry about that. I am going to be working on posting at least a couple of times per week. I have got to get better about this!

Follow-up for CGMS

I went to the doctor's office yesterday to talk with my doctor about the results from my trial with the CGMS. It was very good, I think. We talked about the fact that it wasn't always correct with my meter results. But he was still very happy with my "graph" for the 3 days. He said that it looked like I had very few spikes in my blood sugars. The only things he seemed concerned about were my low blood sugars. Which is really what I have been worried about myself.
We decided to change a few of my basal rates and change my insulin to carb ratios for lunch time. These were things that I had contemplated doing myself, but wanted to wait to get the opinion of someone else.
I don't have any issues with making changes on my own, if I think they are needed. I just knew that a doctor's appointment was coming up, so I held off until I could talk to him about it. And turns out, he said to do exactly what I was going to do. It was nice affirmation that what I am doing is the right thing.
We talked a little bit more about my getting the CGMS for myself. He said he was going to send the letter to the insurance company to see what they would say. I really hope that they approve it. In my doctors words, it would be a tool to help me with my already good control. It would simply help me shave some more digits off my A1c. Which is exactly my idea. I want a LOWER A1c.
Sure, I know 6.7 is good. It's below the recommended 7.0. But it still isn't 6.0. Which is what I would love. Which would mean that my body is basically living like a non-diabetic most of the time. This means less damage. Less complications. And less wear and tear. And with 22 years of this diabetes thing already wearing and tearing on my body, the lower I can get my A1c, the happier I will be.
Wish me luck as I navigate the jungle known as the American health insurance system.

Diabetes: The Invisible Disease

This weekend was a long weekend for me. I left work early on Thursday and took Friday off. It was like a min-vacation. I really needed a break, so it was very nice. A friend and I went to Savannah, Tennessee to go to Darryl Worley's Tennessee River Run. Basically it was a festival-like concert on the Tennessee River at Pickwick State Park. It featured Savannah local Darryl Worley, the legendary Charlie Daniels, Trick Pony, and Jason Michael Carroll.

We spend the weekend at Pickwick State Park at their Inn, which was beautiful, clean, and had a wonderful view of the water from our fifth flood balcony. Just having those relaxing few days was very nice.

I have lived fairly close (about 45 minutes) to a lake most of my life. It has given me a love of the water. It is so peaceful and seems to bring a wonderful spirit to my heart. Even on the worst of days I can spend a few hours sitting on the edge of the water and the world seems to fall back into perspective.

Diabetes wise, I had a relatively easy weekend. Nothing about 180 and very few lows. The interesting thing that I discovered is how very invisible diabetes can be...except to other diabetics. I've always known that people don't realize I have diabetes most of the time. I've known people for months and them say, "I didn't know you were diabetic!" Others find out in a very short time. It just seems like it comes up sooner in conversation with some people than with other people.

While I was at the concert on Saturday night I was looking around at the people. I tend to be a people watcher at times. I think it is part of my inverted nature. There was a couple sitting about 15 feet away from me. They were probably in their early to mid 40's. The man got up and went to get something and I looked at the woman. She wasn't looking at me, but I saw her, very discretely, open a small cooler and get out a glucose monitor and some insulin. She was so good at hiding what she was doing, I didn't catch the brand names of either product, but I could tell that she checked her blood sugar. Then she drew up insulin in a syringe and gave herself an injection through her jeans. Unless you were really paying attention, you would never have known what was going on. Unless you were another diabetic, I would venture to say, you wouldn't have noticed it at all.

I didn't say anything to the lady. I don't know who she was, what type of diabetes she has, or anything else about her. But I know that we share a bond. She may never know about it, but I do.

So diabetes can be invisible. Almost. Us diabetics can almost always pick up on it.

Adventures in Constant Glucose Monitoring

Okay, so I went on Friday to pick up the MiniMed minilink CGMS from my doctor's office. It was basically a loaner for 3 days. I left work at noon and headed, with a friend, out of town to go to my endo's office. My endo is about an hour from my house. My friend wanted to get some shopping in and needed to go to Verizon. I just needed to stop by my doctor's office and get "hooked-up" to the sensor.

I went into the office at about 1:30. This is when the nurse and I had agreed for me to come pick up the sensor. When I got there she came out to tell me that it hadn't been brought back by the last patient and asked me if I could come back closer to 3:30. I told her this was fine. We went to shop for a while & then headed back to the office.

When I got there I will have to say I was a little nervous. I don't really know why, but I think it might have been more "I'm on my way to get my brand new car" nervous more than a "I am getting ready to jump out of a plane" nervous. The nurse actually inserted the device for me. I was kind of disappointed about that, as I wanted to do it by myself, but that was okay. It didn't hurt and I was ready to go in about 5 minutes. Short and sweet. Just like I like my doctor's office visits.

My friend and I headed out to do some more shopping and to look at some things for her upcoming wedding. As we were leaving on store my pump all of a sudden starts beeping like crazy! It was like it had a mind of it's own. I got my pump out and read the screen: "Sensor Error: Sensor failure. Self test. See owner's manual."

You know, that would be my luck. I tear everything up. So I got out my cell phone and called the office back & told them what it said. She asked me if I could come back in. I went back & she looked at it. Studied the owner's manual. Pushed a few buttons. And them promptly looked at me and said, "I have no idea what's wrong. It's never done this before." Gee. How lucky can I get?? We finally got the screen to clear back up. It appeared to be working and she told me to go ahead and leave & if it didn't start working to come back in on Monday and they would try it again.

Luckily, I left and the sensor started working pretty quickly after that. I have no idea, still, what was wrong with it. I don't think the nurse does either. Oh, well.

Overall the weekend was a little crazy for me. I have about a million things to do and part of me become OCD about checking my pump & then testing my blood sugar to verify. For Friday evening, Saturday, & then Sunday morning, the CGMS was nearly 30 points off almost every time I tested. It failed to catch my low blood sugars a couple of times and there were some high blood sugars that didn't show up either.

To be honest, I was starting to get a little worried and frustrated with the whole deal. But then Sunday afternoon it started matching up. It was within 10 points nearly every time I tested. (If you listen closely you can hear the hallelujah chorus!) Then, I talked to someone today who told me that it usually takes them a few days before the CGSM and the meter start matching. This person wears the sensor for around a week at a time.

I have an appointment next week to discuss with my doctor the results of the three day trial. I am going to voice my concerns over the sensor not matching for the first couple of days. But, to be honest, I still want one. I think that the technology is going to keep improving and I think it is still a nice thing to have, especially if it starts matching up withing a few days.

I'm still not sure about the insurance thing. How that will go is still up in the air. I'll keep you all updated on how it goes.

A Long Weekend and CGMS News

So, it was a long weekend. No work yesterday. And I think I am more tired now than when I left work on Friday. So here's how my weekend went:

Friday I left work early. I went to meet a friend's sister to catch a ride to Shelbyville, Tennessee. Locals know that the last week in August through the first Saturday in September is the Tennessee Walking Horse National Celebration. It is 11 days of horse shows that ends the first Saturday night in September and crowns the World Grand Champion Tennessee Walking Horse. To some this may seem boring. To those who have experienced it, you know better. Just imagine the Kentucky Derby. Only 11 days long and all the horses are Tennessee Walking Horses instead of race horses. There is a lot of dressing up and expense that goes into the clothes and the shoes and the purses and the jewelry for the women. Not everyone dresses up, but it is almost like a contest for some of the people to see who can dress up the most.

Anyway, I went down on Friday night to catch the Friday night show and then the Saturday night show when the World Grand Champion was crowned. I have gone for the last three years and I have to say it is one of the highlights of my year. I stayed with friends who were also going and spent a lot of time running around. Below is a picture of Master of Jazz, this year's World Grand Champion with his trainer, Jimmy McConnell

The bad part on the diabetes (and the weight) was that I ate out. A lot. Every meal. It was hard to pick and sometimes just to find healthy foods. I don't always eat the best in the world, but I do try to keep a decent type diet. The really funny thing was that one of the concession stands at the show grounds (think cheesburgers, hot dogs, and funnel cakes) had "fresh fruit cup with dip" listed as an option! I was shocked. This just goes to show you that there are people trying to eat healthy in the world. I ordered the fruit cup (no dip). It was a good sized serving of fresh melon, grapes, and strawberries. It was nice. The really bad part is that I also ordered a serving of fried Oreos. That's right. You read that correctly. Fried Oreos. Basically they are dipped in funnel cake batter and then fried. And man were they good! I didn't think the would be, but I had to buy them just to see what they were. And they were the best thing I have had in a long time. Yes, I hear all you health nuts gasping in astonishment. That's okay. I understand. But I looked at it this way: At least I got fresh fruit and fried Oreos instead of a cheeseburger and fried Oreos. Which is what I really wanted.

So here's my advice to all the diabetics: try fried Oreos at least once in your life. You might like them.

I really didn't have any horrible lows. And not horrible highs. The highest my blood sugar was all weekend was around 170. And I did have a 59, but it was corrected with a juice box from my purse and a pack of Welch's fruit snacks.

So food wise, my weekend wasn't the healthiest. But blood sugar wise, I did okay. Eating all of schedule was a little weird. And eating at all hours of the day was very weird. But I survived.

And the most important thing is that the Celebration was wonderful and I had a great time!

Now for the CGMS news. My doctor's office called me today. They want me to come in Thursday or Friday to get the sensor from the doctor's office. I will basically borrow it for 3 days and then I will take it and my graph results back to my doctor. This may give him more to use when he asks the insurance company for me to get my own CGMS. Not to mention that I will have a basic idea of how it works and what to expect if I should get one of my own.

I am a little bit excited. And a little bit scared. I will keep you all updated on when I get the sensor and how my days with the sensor are working out.

Part of me thinks that I will hate it and not want one. The other part of me thinks I will love it and not want to worry about catching my low blood sugars anymore. That would be a miracle. And very nice.

The little victories and little defeats

I had my doctor's appointment today. Before I went I downloaded all my pump information & printed off the results for my doctor. I made a list of things that I needed a prescription for and made a list of all the things that I wanted to ask my doctor about. I was ready to face my doctor, get my A1c results, and find out what I needed to do to get a CGMS for my pump.

Of course when I got to the office I had to wait for TWO HOURS before I could get in to the back. And then waited another 15 minutes to see the doctor. I like him. Really I do. But the booking is a little crazy.

Anyway, back to my story. I got called back and they weighed me. I don't weigh at home. I would be obsessed with it if I did. I knew I had gained some weight back. It was about 5 pounds. A little defeat. I have been trying so hard to keep the weight off. I hate it that I had gained some back. This makes me that much more determined to start exercising on a regular basis. I want to loose about 15 to 30 pounds. I know it can be done. I just have to get off my butt and do it!

When my doctor came in and gave me my A1c results I was really hoping for a lower A1c. It didn't happen. My last A1c was 6.6. Today it was 6.7. I know it's not much of an increase. But it's there. And I don't like it. Another little defeat.

Now on to the little victories. My microalbumin urine test came back good. No problems. No spilling protein. My cholesterol was okay. And there were no other abnormal test results. This is very good to hear. Twenty-two years is a long time and I know sometimes that I am playing a fine line to have no complications. I want to keep it that way for as long as I possibly can.

Another good thing is that I spoke with my doctor about getting the Constant Glucose Monitoring System for my Minimed 722 pump. I have wanted this for some time, but was afraid that my insurance would turn it down. But one of my co-worker's has the same type of insurance that I do and they pay for her husband's CGMS. So today I asked my doctor what we could do about getting it for me. He asked me several questions about my blood sugars. When do I go low? How often? Can I tell when my blood sugar is dropping? Then he said he would write a letter of medical necessity to the insurance company and we would see what would happen. My doctor's office also has the Minilink that he loans out for about 3 days at a time to patients to try out. He put me on the list to get this and set me up and appointment for 6 weeks from now.

So, I had some little victories. I had a few little defeats. But overall, there was no terrible news. There was nothing that needed to be changed drastically. I got my prescription for test strips increased to 10 per day. I got prescription for a glucogon pen.

I will definitely let you all know when I get the CGMS on trial from my doctor's office. It may be a little while, but I will keep you all updated. Wish me luck! :)

I finally did it!

Okay, after having my diabetic melt down the other day I decided that I needed to get off my tail and download my pump & meter to see how much damage has truly been done. When I posted last, I said I hadn't downloaded in almost a week. In fact, as of today, it had been 9 days. More than a week. I didn't realize how far off I was.

But I did it. I downloaded all the information. And as it was generating reports, I couldn't help but be a little worried. I knew I wasn't going to like the results. My two week average blood sugar: 139. I'm not happy with that, since lately it had been running around 120. I like 120 much better than 139. The last time I was on, I looked at my 3 month average & it was holding steady at 129. Today, it was 130. Not a huge difference. But it still shows that the last two weeks has had an effect on me.

So now it's time. Time to pull myself up by my bootstraps, as they say down here in the South. I need to keep on. Monday is my appointment with the endo. I will finally get to see my A1c for the first time in 6 months. The last one was 6.6 and I would really like this one to be lower. Somehow, I don't know if it will be. Those of you who read this blog, please pray with me. And for me. I want all good things at this appointment. And I want to convince my endo that I WANT to be seen every 3 months. I have decided that this 6 month deal isn't working for me. I don't like it.

On my agenda for the endo:

-Check on CGMS as I think my insurance will now pay for it!

-Ask that my test strip prescription be increased from 7 tests per day to 10 test per day.

-Get a prescription for a glucogon pen (I have NEVER had one!)

I am looking forward to this appointment (Yeah, I know I'm weird). I am hoping for a lower A1c, but I am really hoping that I can get the CGMS. I think this would be a good thing for me and would really help me with getting tighter control. And that is my ultimate goal: tight control.

So wish me luck. And send prayers my way. I'll keep you all updated on what the outcome is.

Frustrations in General

I have to say the the past several day have not been the best diabetes wise. I have been continually fighting lows or highs. I will have some readings that are great (Like my 2 hr post breakfast of 120 today), but the majority of readings have not been so kind. A couple of nights ago I was waking myself up every 3 hours to check my blood sugar and bolus some insulin. That made for a very sleepy day the next day.


I'm not really sure, to be honest, if it is one of those freak blood sugar times when nothing I do seems to be right, or if I am just slacking on my carb estimations. Could be a little of both I suppose.


I am afraid to download my info from my pump and my meter. I haven't done it in about a week, when I had been downloading every 3 or 4 days. I am just afraid to see what my daily average is.


Could this be the start of diabetes burnout?? I hope not. I want so badly to be a "good diabetic." I really want to get my A1c below 6. Or at least to the low 6's.


I guess I am just flat out frustrated today. Being part of the blogging community, tudiabetes.com, and visiting various message boards helps. But sometimes I think its just not enough. Sometimes I just want to forget I have diabetes. I want to not count every carb I eat & not worry about what my blood sugar is. And not wonder, every time I'm thirsty, if I am just thirsty or if my blood sugar is high. And I am basically just sick of the constant balancing act that is diabetes care.

New Friends

Those of you out there in diabetic-land know what I am about to say.... No one but another diabetic can really understand all that we go through. This is something that I have a hard time with sometimes. Even though my friends listen, and can have some idea of how I'm feeling, it takes another diabetic to understand when you say, "I feel like crap. My blood sugar is getting to me."
I go to church with a couple of Type 1 diabetics. But one is younger than my and the other older than me. So it isn't like I have the time or chance to really sit down and have a good diabetic gripe session.
I remember being at diabetes camp in Georgia when I was about 9 years old. I loved the fact that all the other kids had diabetes too. Even at that age, I knew that it was special that everyone else had to eat like I did and get shots like I did. But other than that time in my life, I have been around no other diabetics that are my age. Or anywhere relatively close.
This weekend I got to change that. A friend of mine came to visit me and brought a friend of hers. The friend of a friend has diabetes too. She is a recently diagnosed Type 1, but it was nice to be able to talk diabetes-talk and to actually know that the other person didn't only understand, but they also related.
It was a blessing this weekend. A chance to be with another person who I knew could understand and relate to me. Although I am not glad that she was diagnosed with diabetes (the thought of another person every having to live with this makes my heart ache), I am glad that I got a chance to meet her. I have made a new friend. One I can stick in the slot of "diabetic friend". It's nice.

Every Day, Every Hour, Every Minute

I have had this blog for several months now. It is a way of release for me. I am able to talk, to no one in particular, about my diabetes. I get to share my views, my frustrations, and other areas of my life that are continually effected by diabetes.

I started this blog after reading Kerri's blog over at Six Until Me. When I was trying to think of a title, I put on my "Kerri brain". This would be the brain where I try my best to think like Kerri. I'm not sure that she would agree that this is a good thing, but when it comes to writing, I believe it is. Kerri has a way with words that I wish I could have.

This would be what happened when I made up my title: I thought about how much that diabetes consumes my life. The first thing I do in the morning: check my blood sugar. The last thing I do at night before bed: check my blood sugar. Every bite of food that enters my mouth: carbs are counted & calculated. Every activity that I do: make sure the blood sugars will be normal (i.e. dropping basal rates, eating extra food, etc.). And constantly being sure that I have something with which to treat a low blood sugar, change an infusion site, or handle a drastic change in schedule.

Every aspect of my life is consumed by this disease. I can ignore it. I can make it less of a priority in my life. I spent years doing this. But I decided that it's "gloves off" time. I am not going to let the grim prospects that most diabetics face, come to me. I want to delay or prevent as many complications as humanly possible. In order to do this, I have to make diabetes a major part of my existence.

If you want the truth, diabetes and I have a love/hate relationship. It loves me (obviously, since it has been around so long! LOL) and I love to hate it. I have a choice to make. I can hate diabetes and ignore it. Or I can hate it and fight it. Head on. Face to face. And that's what I am prepared to do. Even if it takes Every Minute of Every Hour of Every Day.

Hope for a Cure

I have been thinking quite a bit lately, about a cure for diabetes. More & more I am reading about scientists trying to delay the onset of diabetes and saving the beta cells when Type 1 is first detected. I think this is a WONDERFUL thing! To not have any more children have to live through what I did would be such a blessing. And those that are diagnosed later in life with Type 1, to know there would be hope that you could live without worrying about insulin & carb counting would be a miracle.
But part of me worries. I wonder what kind of strides they are making toward curing those of us who have been diabetic for years? It almost depresses me to think that there would be a cure for those newly diagnosed, while there are millions of us who would still have no hope. Is that selfish of me? I want a cure for us all. If a cure for the newly diagnosed comes first, great!
But please, please, please, don't forget the rest of us. Those of us who have 20 plus years of diabetic wear & tear on our bodies. Those of us who know that statistics tell us we will have a shorter life than the average man or woman. Those of us who know, even with the greatest control, we may still have to suffer complications.
We are still out here. Sometimes, on days like today, I start to loose my hope. I don't want that to happen. I want that hope to still be alive. I want a CURE!

I love you Mom & Dad

I love my mother. My Mom is one of my best friends. I say this, not to be cheesy, but as part of a fact of my life. There is little in my life that I don't share with her. She has been my supporter and I have been hers. Over the years, we have shared many experiences that I believe has made us much closer than we might have been.
I called my mother this afternoon. I talk to her almost every day. I called her this afternoon to make plans to take my little sister school shopping on Saturday. Mom and my step-dad need a break from work and stress, and I think I need to spend some quality time with my sister. What better way to solve both problems than for me to take Rach shopping and make her to cutest dressed girl in the sixth grade?
While I was talking to my mother, I told her to get on the Internet and had her look at the video that I posted earlier this week. She watched it and proceeded to cry through the whole thing. I had cried when I watched it. I actually cried the first 3 times I watched it. It just rings so true to my life.
I have often thought about my parents. I know about my life and how it has been effected my diabetes. But what about my parents? What must they have thought when they were told, "Your daughter has diabetes." How terrifying that must have been. They didn't ask for a sick child. They knew nothing about diabetes.
How do parents handle this? Do they cry? Do they shout? Do they blame themselves? Do they blame someone else? Do they go into denial? Do they wish that their child could have been born with some other disease? Or that they were diagnosed with something that could be cured? Or that it was them instead of the child?
I was blessed. I had parents that did take care of me to the best of their ability. They gave me enough self-reliance and also provided me with plenty of support and love. But I often wonder what their thoughts were during that time in my life.
Mom and Dad, I love you. I owe you so much. Thank you for being parents that care, parents that love me, and parents who looked in the face of diabetes and said, "We can do this!"
I'm sorry I might have caused you heartache (I know it wasn't my fault). I'm sorry you lost sleep, money, normalcy in the name of my diabetes. Thank you for being there. Thank you for being parents.

A Beautiful and Very True Look at Diabetes....

This video was e-mailed to me and is NOT my work. But I love it because it so accurately displays what my life has been like for the past 22 years...





http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2uE0TlBZGc

My Life (Without Diabetes)

I was thinking today about what life would be like without diabetes. It is hard to imagine. For the past 22 years of my life I have lived with watching what I eat, checking my blood sugar, and going to the doctor. Shots went from 2 a day, to 4, and finally to the pump. Each time I hear about new developments in diabetes research, they always say "a cure is just around the corner." But they've been saying that for years.

I know a woman who told me that her friend's daughter is in medical school currently. She was going to go into endocrinology and decided to "double major" (I'm not sure what they call it in med school) because she thinks that by the time she gets out of med school and sets up a practice there will be a cure and she wants to have a specialty that will be around for a while.

That made my heart smile. If a future doctor thinks that a cure is that close, maybe it really is.

I have lived my life eating on schedule. What would it be like to not live like that? Is my body so used to eating 3 meals a day that I wouldn't be able to skip a meal if there was no diabetes? Would I over eat, just because I could? Would I continue to count carbs out of habit? Would I quit going to the doctor on a regular basis and let my overall health slide?

I don't remember life before diabetes. I don't remember drinking Mountain Dew (which my mother says I loved) or eating Captain Crunch (without counting carbs).

I wonder if I would continue to live life like I had diabetes (minus the insulin & testing), just because I always have?

I know this is a weird topic for a blog, but I just had that thought today. Does anyone else have thoughts like this?