Monday, April 23, 2007

Skiing @ 65

There was a time when I didn't take care of myself. I didn't want to and didn't think about the consequences of my actions. As a young person, you often think about only the present. The future is so far off and has nothing to do with your current life. Or so we like to think. I believe this is often the case with diabetics who don't take care of themselves and end up with horrible complications. I understand that it is not fun to have to check your blood sugar. I get the fact that you don't want to have to deal with the lows and the awful feelings that come with them. I have lived this life for 22 years.
But, I also had a very dear doctor set me straight at a time in my life when I didn't think about all of these things. All I could think about was that I was in college and I didn't want to have to deal with diabetes. My general practitioner hadn't seen me in some time, and finally refused to refill my insulin until I came into the office to see him. When I did, he had an a1c done. When it came back it was 12.1. Twice what it should be. He looked me dead in the eye & told me not to bother finishing college 'cause it wouldn't do any good. He told me I was going to die, unless I did something to fix this problem. And it was the shocker I needed to get me on the right track to controlling my diabetes.
I didn't get perfect during this time. I didn't get better overnight. But I am at a place in my life now where I feel like I have a better handle on this disease than it has on me. I understand what I have to do to take care of myself, and for the most part, I do that.
The biggest thing that I want to be able to say is that I didn't die from diabetes! I don't want "complications related to diabetes" to be my cause of death. I want to die an old lady, in my bed asleep. Or in a boating accident when I am 65 and learning to ski. I want to have children and watch them grow up. And I know I can't do that unless I control diabetes.
People talk about how awful it is to be a diabetic. How many of their friends/sisters/uncles/second-cousins have died of diabetes. It's like they are wondering if I am going to die too. I refuse to die too. I don't want to become a statistic. And I will do everything in my power to prevent that from happening.


Kerri. said...

Great post, Cara! Welcome to the blogosphere. I'll be adding you to my blogroll tonight.

And I'm totally with you on the "skiing at 65 yrs old." Only mine will be more like "race car driving accident on the Indy 500, aged 76." :D

-- Kerri.

Anonymous said...

Cara! Thanks for commenting on my most recent blog - here's one in return! Dug up your Skiing post after you'd mentioned it on mine. I completely agree, that I hope my death comes from something not-diabetes-related. Like, you know, dying from old age in my bed after leading a happy life. Or, possibly: smothered by a falling Griswold Family Christmas Tree. You know, something fun.