Today I had 2 different appointments. I set up my dentist and eye doctor on the same day to basically get them both out of the way. I was overdue for a dentist appointment and a little late for an eye doctor appointment. Getting them both in one day helps with work also.
I chose to put the dentist appointment first because I knew, after eye dilation, that I would be useless for the rest of the day. My eyes take an abnormally long time to return to their original state.
At the dentists, it was discovered that one of my fillings had chipped. This means another appointment to get it fixed. Also, I apparently have a wisdom tooth coming in. I didn't know it. And I've not had any come through before. The dentist said since it's not bothering me that we'd not worry about it for now.
A good cleaning and fluoride treatment later, and I was ready to go. No new cavities. Nothing major, other than the chipped filling. I have to say, I left feeling pretty good about myself.
I asked my mom to drive me to the eye doctor. I've been going to the same eye care center since I was about 15, save for a couple of appointments in college. During my time there, I've only seen 2 eye doctors. One of them, sadly, passed away when I was just starting college. The second doctor had been there every since.
Today, I found out there's a new eye doctor. Apparently the other one moved on. When I saw the new doctor, I nearly fell over. I went to high school with him! He was YOUNGER than me! And he's an eye doctor. Okay, that makes me feel really old. I don't think he remembered me. Which is fine. But I have to say, I almost yelled, "Oh my GOD! You're my DOCTOR???"
However, he did a good job and was very professional. It's just a little weird having someone younger than me, be my doctor.
Sadly, when he was done with my eye exam, the bad news came.
I have bleeding. In both eyes.
After 24 years of diabetes, and only 1 other time of having any bleeding at all (which was gone the next time I went in), I have bleeding in both eyes.
He was very positive about it. The right eye, he expects could be gone at my next eye exam. It's that small. The right eye, he sounded like he didn't expect it to go away. He did say it's on the outer area of my eye, so it's not an issue at this point, as far as vision goes. He even said it could possibly get better.
But he didn't sound like he expected it to go away.
I have an endo appointment next month. He planned on sending my report on to my endo. He also said he didn't really thing that I needed to come in for a 6 month appointment. His words were, "It's such a small issue right now, unless you have a change in vision or some other problem, I don't even feel like we need to see you again for a year. Six months is not necessary."
But I'm scared. I know it's not a big deal. I know, after 24 years of living with diabetes, my eye issues are minimal compared to what they should be. But I'm still scared.
Some people with diabetes fear loosing a limb. My greatest fear is losing my sight. I could figure out how to deal with being in a wheel chair or on a walker. I could figure it out.
But being without my sight is so very scary for me. So many of my joys and hobbies depend, almost totally on my sight. Reading, cake decorating, watching Broadway shows, blogging. Even my sign language. They all require my sight.
Could I do it? Could I live without my sight? I'm sure I could. God won't ever give me anything I couldn't handle. I meet people every day that say they couldn't have diabetes. But until you have it, you don't know what you can do. But I have to say, I hope I don't ever find out what it's like to live without my sight.
And knowing I could do it, doesn't make me any less scared of actually having to do it.