Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Endo appointment

I have a new appointment with my endo in just a couple of weeks. I am a little afraid (okay a LOT afraid) of what's going to happen at this appointment. I had every intention of losing some weight, getting tighter control in my blood sugars, and exercising more since my last appointment (in April). Yet, here I am, nearly 4 months later. My blood sugar is more out of control now than it has been in a long time (which I know is going to mean a higher A1c), my exercise is non-existent, my food intake has not been exactly healthy, and I've gained weight. I've not stepped on a scale, but you always can tell when your clothes begin to fit your differently.

I have this complex of wanting to please people. Not everyone, mind you. But I like to make people happy if it is within my power. And I know that sliding back on all of my goals is not going to please my endo or CDE.

So, what do I do? It's too late to crash diet and lose some pounds. My pump and meter records will tell the true tale of my crappy blood sugar control. And I can't lie when they ask me about exercise. I've not been doing it.

So not only have I disappointed myself, I've disappointed them as well. It's all about getting back in there. Recommitting myself. I know this. Mentally, I know all the steps to take to get back where I want to be. And to get even better control (which is my ultimate goal). But making that first step isn't the issue. It's the second and third and fourth steps that seem to get in my way.


shannon said...

I think we put so much pressure on ourselves in preparation for endo appointments. I always refer to is as "going to the principal's office."

What your endo and CDE most likely don't know is what it's like to live with this condition 24 hours per day. That when they slack off (eating poorly, not exercising, etc.), they don't have to report to anyone.

FWIW, I have an appointment with my endo in two weeks. Since he only looks at two weeks worth of Dexcom data, I'll spend that time getting my numbers in range.

I have no idea why we do this to ourselves!

Amanda S. said...

I agree with what Shannon wrote about "going to the principals office" so true!

I think we can all relate at one time or another (or many) to exactly the feelings you've described. I think the key to making any changes is to pick 1 thing and start there.

For example, I would likely focus on getting better blood sugar control. Because if you think about it, better sugars will lead to feeling better which will lead to the desire to start an exercise program which in turn will lead to weight loss.

You can do this! As you said it's the steps three, four and five that are most difficult.

Remember one thing at a time. When we take on too many things that all require our attention, inevitably something falls by the wayside, no doubt it's often the most important one. Then we figure "why bother" and it all goes down the toilet.

Keep up the great work and take it one step at a time. YOU CAN DO THIS!

Keep us posted.

k2 said...

I hear ya sister!
We all have Endo anxiety, no matter how many of our goals we "hit" prior to our next appointment.
Go in there with a notebook and a list of issues/ and questions share your fears/desires with your Endo.
And don't sell yourself short either- your continually testing. "your aware" of the things you need to work on," and you want to improve. Dude, that's 1/2 the battle!
Like Amanda said," pick one thing that you'd like to improve and start there."
Little changes = big ones.
Kelly K

Katie said...

Sorry to hear you're feeling anxious about your appointment. Try not to be too hard on yourself and focus on making small changes one step at a time. You can do it!

Brenda W said...

I'm in the same boat, and I feel disappointed in myself. The good thing is that everyday is a new day to start over! So, today I'm going to try and eat better and hopefully I can be proud of that :)

Becca said...

Hopefully you have a good endo that accepts that you are just "human" like all of his/her other patients and his/herself...none of which are perfect! Life is a journey not a destination. I say all this knowing that I stress about the weight when it comes to seeing my endo too. I always tell myself that I'll be lighter on the scales when the next three runs around. It ain't easy. And mostly it hasn't been happening. But, maybe one day I'll make it happen! Good luck to you!

Jacquie said...

All you can do is be honest. Any Endo/CDE worth his or her salt knows that we're all just human.

I would just go in and say, "Look, I'm not happy with where I am right now," and then see if they have any advice or help to impart.

That's part of their jobs, right?

In any event, I'll be thinking of you!

Karen said...

I always have such endo anxiety too. But honestly, it's not your job to please them. It's their job to help you when you need help. It's their job to make some tweaks to get those blood sugars back where they need to be. To give you some advice on exercise and eating. Go in with your head held high and ask for some guidance. I bet they can give it to you!

Unknown said...

My vote is what Jacquie said. Just be honest, and it is their job to help you. At least you're there, right? At least you WANT to do better, right? Those are two huge things that not everyone can say they have.

We've all been there, and I know I'll be there many, many, MANY, times through my life. Endo anxiety, as K2 said. Perfect way to describe it.