Type 1/Type 2: A Moment That Made Me Proud

As many of you know, I have often been upset by the public's lack of knowledge concerning diabetes and the differences between Type 1 and Type 2 diabetes. I have often been disturbed by lack of knowledge among diabetics themselves, such as Ms. Berry. In fact, I get upset and frustrated by it so often, that I could probably write a blog post for every day of the year, just focusing on the above mentioned things.
But I have to say I had an experience on Christmas day that made me quite proud and made me think that maybe, just maybe, people are listening. When I went with my church to Nashville for our bridge ministry I rode in a church van with several people I didn't know. My church is a large church and although I recognized everyone on the van, I didn't know any of them by name.
On the way back on Christmas night we stopped to get a quick bite to eat. My blood sugar was low. I knew it. I usually can't feel my lows, but that was one of the rare exceptions. I tested and confirmed a 64. At the convenience store I grabbed a blueberry muffin (I know, not the best of dinner choices, right?) and ate it. I knew, however, that it wasn't going to bring my blood sugar up fast enough. I asked them to let me back in the van so I could grab a juice box, explaining that I was diabetic.
When we got back on the road, one of the women started asking me some questions. The first of which was, "How long have you had diabetes?" This is a standard question. "Since I was 4 years old," I replied. And then, another lady says, "Oh, you are Type 1 then?" and she turns to another lady in the van and says, "That means she can't ever get rid of diabetes. It's not a diet issue."
I couldn't believe it. How could this woman know the difference? It's so rare to find a person who does. I asked her a few quick questions and found out that she worked at a school in which there was a diabetic child and she had learned quite a bit in dealing with him.
I was blown away. And proud. And slightly hopeful. That woman may not have known everything about diabetes, but she could, at least basically, tell the difference between Type 1 and Type 2 diabetes.
I also have to note on here Diabetes Mine's blog post for the day. It was regarding diabetes etiquette. How wonderful to know that someone is thinking about diabetes etiquette and how to spread the news to all the non-diabetics in the world!
In regards to my recent Christmas gift, I leave you all with a clip of the great fiddle player, Mr. Charlie Daniels, and his timeless classic The Devil Went Down To Georgia. I'm not delusional enough to think I'll ever play like that, but seeing him play could be inspiration to almost anyone.
On a separate note, I will not be posting again until after the New Year. I am going out of town tomorrow and won't be able to post. I leave you all this year of 2007, praying that you all have a blessed and HEALTHY 2008.

Christmas Under the Bridge

Yesterday was Christmas. And it was a very special Christmas for me. Christmas Eve, I spent with my dad and his side of the family. We had a wonderful time. Christmas morning I went to my mom's. I was truly blessed there also. I got a fiddle for Christmas (or a violin; I guess it depends on how you want to play it!). I don't play. I don't ready music. But I have said for years that I would some day learn to play the fiddle. I love to hear that instrument. It makes me smile!

Now I have the fiddle. Time to learn to play! :) I am currently trying to locate someone in my town that will teach me all I need to know about playing a fiddle. Wish me luck on that one.

The second part of my day was spent with my church, traveling 2 1/2 hours to Nashville to minister with the Under the Bridge Ministries to the homeless community. Our church raised close to $12,000 to buy 300 sub-zero sleeping bags. The ministry has a service and feeds the homeless under Jefferson Street Bridge every Tuesday night.

It was a very humbling and an experience that I will never forget. To know that I was there for several hours and how cold I was made me think how very lucky I was to have a bed to sleep in, an apartment to live in, and food to eat. I had never done anything like that before and I felt blessed to be a very small part of it all. I truly hope to go back to the bridge in the future.

I hope that you all had as wonderful a Christmas as I did.

Merry Christmas!

My Christmas has already started! I had Christmas Eve dinner and exchanging of presents with my dad and his side of the family earlier this evening. Tomorrow morning I head to my mom's and tomorrow afternoon I am going with my church to Nashville to deliver Christmas dinner to the homeless population that lives under Jefferson Street Bridge. Along with dinner, we will be ministering and handing out sub-zero sleeping bags.
A full and happy Christmas is what I am receiving already this year. I have been truly blessed and feel fortunate in so many ways.
I hope you all know how much I appreciate you! It means so much to have this community!
I pray you will all have a wonderful day tomorrow and that you all have a blessed time with family and friends.
Here's a little bit of holiday cheer for you. God bless!
(Just to note: this isn't my church, but my church youth group did this program for Christmas. It was AWESOME!)

Pharmacy Hopping!

Okay. As most of you who check out my blog on a pretty regular basis know, I have been having trouble with my insurance company & my prescriptions. I went to get a couple of other prescriptions filled today. One for my insulin and for my cholesterol medicine and I was running out of some vitamins that I also needed to pick up.
About 2 months ago I switched pharmacies because the one I was at took FOREVER to fill anything and you had to wait FOREVER to pick it up, even if they had it filled and all they had to do was hand it to you. I got sick of dealing with that and decided to switch pharmacies.
Every since I have switched pharmacies, things have been going nuts! My insurance won't pay for 3 months on the "new" strips. And today I was told that my insurance company had pulled the 3 month prescription contract with all the pharmacies and would only do 3 month supplies by mail.
I HATE mail order meds. Mostly cause I can't remember to order them on time. Call me spacey, but it's true. Not to mention I like to see who I am dealing with when it comes to my medicines. Someone who knows me cause they see me so often. And someone with whom I can talk if there is a problem with my prescriptions or I have a question.
I was highly upset and wanted to talk with my insurance company to find out what was going on. When I called them, the guy I spoke with was very nice, but didn't seem to know what I was talking about at first. I explained it to him in the exact way that it was explained to me at the pharmacy: Company X, which contracts all the prescriptions for Insurance X, was bought out by Pharmacy X (which is NOT my pharmacy!). Due to this, the only pharmacy in which you can get a 3 month prescription with Insurance X is through Pharmacy X (which isn't located withing an hour of my home).
The insurance guy started looking through whatever computer program or manual or whatever he had in front of him and then asked me what county I lived in. He then told me that Pharmacy A (my pharmacy) didn't contract with Company X and that's why I could no longer get prescriptions for 3 months from Pharmacy A. Then he told me that there were 2 pharmacies in my county in which I could get a 3 month prescription.
The first one he listed was Pharmacy B (the pharmacy I JUST SWITCHED FROM!!!!) and another, local pharmacy which I will call Pharmacy C.
On the plus side, I am going to switch my prescriptions to Pharmacy C so I can continue to get my cholesterol medicine and insulin in 3 month supplies.
On the negative side, this will be the 3rd pharmacy change for me in less than 3 months.
Sigh. Why does diabetes have to be so difficult??

For These Times

I experienced my first bit of sussy from the Diabetes OC late last week. I hadn't yet posted about it because I've been really busy this weekend and simply haven't had time.

I have to give my heartfelt thanks to Bernard, who read my impassioned rant about test strips and the current cost of my diabetes life. He contacted me and offered to send me a box of test strips, an extra meter, and the software & cable to download all of my pump and meter information. I have to say that is one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me. I have gotten the chance to experience the wonderful generosity of the Diabetes OC and it makes me thankful that I found you all.

And on that note, while I was cruising around on the Internet today, I found the video for Martina McBride's new song. The song is touching. It fits in with my mood and my idea of what people are really about. The video is also shot in one of my favorite cities, NYC.

I have listed the lyrics below:



In these times in which we live

Where the worst of what we live

Is laid out for all the world on the front page

And the sound of someone’s heartbreak

Is a soundbite at the news break

With a close shot of the tears rollin’ down their face

Blessed be the child who turns a loving eye

And stops to pray

For these times in which we live



In these most uncertain hours

Where the balance of power

Is a fight that is fought every day

And freedom is a word

Some cry out and some whisper

And some are just too quick to give away

Blessed be the one who stands by the one

On the battle line

For these times in which we live



Well give me a heart full of tender mercy

And arms I will open wide

For these times in which we live



Seems like the only answer is

Givin’ up on findin’ one at all

And we hide behind unsure

Pull the blinds and lock the doors

And hang a pleasant picture on the wall

Blessed is the believer who knows love is our redeemer

And the only breath of life

For these times in which we live



Well give me a heart full of tender mercy

And arms I will open wide

Yeah give me words full of loving kindness

And hands ready to hold up a light

For these times in which we live

For these times in which we live

I hope God truly grants me the heart to open my arms to those who need my help.

Picking My Battles

Last time I posted, I was discussing going into battle with my insurance company over the cost of test strips. I had intended on calling Monday, but got busy and work and forgot. Tuesday, I planned to call on my lunch hour. As I was walking through the door to my apartment for lunch, my phone rang. It was a representative from MiniMed calling me to discuss my CGMS. My doctor's office had contacted them to get help on writing the request for my CGMS that has to go to my insurance company.

The gentleman was calling from a local Tennessee office only a few hours from my home. He asked me a series of questions, requested my pump and meter download information, and gave me both his name and phone number to call if I had any questions about anything. This is basically the first real step to getting the CGMS. If the insurance company denies the request (which they nearly always do), we will work on appealing it.

While I had him on the phone, I asked him when it looked like the meters were going to be changing to the One Touch meters. He said they are still saying spring, but he had heard rumor that they were looking at March. That piece of information made my life very happy. March is only a few months away.

With that on my mind, I decided to pick my battle. I know they keep records of all our phone calls, complaints, requests, etc. at the insurance company. Due to this, I do not want to cause too much of a fuss until I get my CGMS approved. If March is an accurate date for the One Touch switchover, then I will suck it up, pay the extra cost, and wait on the One Touch.

This reminds me of the recent posts of Amylia, over at Amazing Grace. She has been discussing the cost of diabetes. With or without health insurance, diabetes is expensive. In this instance, I am going to have to pay $40 per month, for several months, for my test strips. I understand that this is a great deal cheaper than if I had no insurance at all. I am always thankful for my access to good health insurance. But it is still hard to make it on one income (and not a very big income at that!) when you are paying out of pocket-costs every month. It's like another loan payment. But this one never gets paid off.

Test Strip Wars

I went to check with my pharmacy today about my test strips. I kind of guessed that I was going to have to pay another $40 for the rest of my test strips, but I was hoping to just go ahead and get my 90 day supply. I was just going to let it go and pray that Medtronic switches to the One Touch meter A.S.A.P. Right now it is saying Spring 2008. So I am hoping before May... but you know how companies can be. Sometimes they end up pushing stuff off for months.

The had gotten in my strips. They had to order them from the new company since the BD company is no longer making test strips. I knew this was going to happen. When the pharmacist handed the bag to me he said, "There are 6 boxes in there. That should be for 10 times per day."

What? That is 10 times per day for one month, but not for 3 months, like my prescription was written for. I asked him about this right away. He said that my insurance company denied the claim since it was a new company. They basically said they would only pay for 30 days at a time. This pretty much sucks. $40 for 3 months is much better than $40 per month.

Oh, dear Lord, I can't wait for the One Touch meter! I know my co-pay for those strips is only $20. And I know I can get a 3 month prescription.

So, now to the title. Basically, I am getting ready to fight the test strip wars with my insurance company. The only reason I didn't call them today is because I wanted to calm down before I call them a BLESS THEM OUT! It is the SAME STRIP! Just made by a different company.
So wish me luck on Monday when I take up my armor and head into battle with the insurance company....

Endo Appointment and the Crazy A1c

Yesterday I had my check-up with my endo. I got all my prescriptions straightened out. That's a plus. I also got some good news about my CGMS. They are going to have to re-submit the letter as it did not have the correct codes, but the nurse in charge of the whole CGMS thing said that she's had another patient in the office with the same insurance that I have and he was approved. This gives me hope. Hope for a lower A1c.

Lately I haven't been being as diligent as I should be with my blood sugars. I've been testing regularly, but not being so careful what I eat and when. Because of this my blood sugars have been running a little bit on the crazy side. My 3 month average, according to all my meter downloads, is 136. This is higher than I would have like. I've also been having fewer lows, which for me means higher blood sugars overall.

I went into my doctors office toting a stack of graphics and print-outs from my pump and meter software, a list of all the vitamins and medicines I take, a list of the prescriptions that I needed him to write for me, and a list of questions that I wanted to ask him. Call me the good diabetic. :)

The last time I was in the office, my endo had not written me a lab order to get my A1c done. And to be honest with you, I had forgotten about it (bad diabetic!). Maybe it was my subconscious not wanting to know what my A1c actually was...

When I sat down with my doctor we looked over my blood sugars and made some major changes to my pump settings. We changed almost all of my basals, 2 of my carb/insulin ratios, and we also changed the active insulin time from 6 hours to 5 hours. This was after looking over the last 4 weeks of graphics and discussing the trends. He sees stuff I never can.

I also asked him some questions about Dr. Bernstein and what he thought about low carbs and no carb diets. He, of course, did not agree and spouted off something from the ADA that says we need at least 160 grams of carbs per day. I am not sure that I agree with that. I would much rather keep my carbs per day under 100. Although I have trouble doing it most of the time.

I also asked him about the vitamins I have been taking. He told me he wanted me to take more Vitamin D. So that's next on my list of stuff to buy.

Before I left the did an in office A1c. It was one of the home-type tests, I think. When it came back it was 5.6. That is CRAZY! I know there is no way that my A1c is 5.6. Not when my average of blood sugars is 136. It doesn't add up. If I believed it was correct, I would have jumped up and down and screamed for joy. I just don't think it was. So basically I am pretending like that A1c never happened and I made sure to get an order for lab work for my next appointment.

Honestly, I don't know what the deal is. I just know that my doctor called me "motivated," which I took as a complement. I figure that I have a right to be obsessive compulsive about my diabetes care. I want to live a long and healthy life. I want to still be alive when there is a CURE!

How You Know You've Been Testing Too Often....

Sorry about the bad quality of the picture. It was taken with my camera phone.

Endo Office Screw Up.

I was running out of test strips. I have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday. I knew I couldn't make it until then to get another prescription for my strips, so I called my doctor's office to ask them to call in some test strips. I didn't recognize the lady I spoke with. I'm not sure if she was new or just not someone with whom I normally deal. Either way, I gave her my name & told her I needed test strips called in. She said she would have it done.
"No problem," I think to myself.
Several hours later my phone rings. It's my drug store. I recently transferred to a new drug store, so they don't have any of my old prescriptions on file. They called to ask me what kind of meter I had. "Strange," I think to myself. But I tell them and they say they will be ready soon.
When I got off work I had a friend in to visit from out of town. We made a quick run to the drug store. When I got there, the pharmacist tells me there are lancets and alcohol pads in the bag also. I told him I don't need them. He said, "They called in testing supplies, so that's why we added them. We will take them off." He was very nice. I should have suspected something when he said that. But I took the bag and paid my money. I was in a hurry and excited to have friends visiting and I made the ultimate mistake: I didn't look in the bag.
About 3 hours later, as we were settling in for the night, I opened my bad and found inside..... (imagine suspenseful music playing here): two boxes of test strips. Total test strips: 100. I test 10 times per day minimum. This will last me for a total of 10 days. I nearly had a mental breakdown at that point. I was yelling and saying lots of things I'm not exactly proud of.
Here are the things I know: my insurance won't pay for anymore strips for 30 days. That means I have 20 days of strips that I will have to pay for out of pocket. 20 days x 10 strips = 200 strips x $1.00 per strip = $200. Right before Christmas. I can't afford that when it's not Christmas. Let alone now.
After I calmed down I got to thinking. The lady with whom I spoke on the phone obviously didn't look at my chart. She just called the drug store and said "testing supplies". The drug store just did what they were supposed to do. They filled for the average recommendation of testing per day, which is 4 times per day. They were most certainly not at fault. I was partially at fault for not looking in the bag before I left. The lady at the doctor's office was really at fault for not pulling up my file to see what to call in.
This morning I made a call to the drug store to ask them if anything could be done. The lady I spoke with there was very helpful and told me that she would call my doctor's office and confirm my number of tests per day and then call my insurance company to get an override to pay for more strips. My only worry at that point is that I pay a $40 co-pay on my strips since they are non-preferred on my insurance. Am I going to have to pay another $40 because my doctor's office screwed up?
Basically I have decided that when I go to the drug store, if they ask me to pay again, I am going to have them hold the strips until Tuesday afternoon. At that point I am going to go to my doctor's office and ask for 200 strips. We know they all get sample strips. I am not going to pay for something that they were at fault for.
I will find out something in the morning about the strips when I call the drugstore. Hopefully, all will have worked out.
This is just frustrating. Part of me will be glad when Medtronic changes their meter that goes with the pump from BD to OneTouch. I like the OneTouch much better and they are preferred strips on my insurance, which means only a $20 co-pay. I also wonder if I should say something to the office staff when I go into my appointment on Tuesday morning.
I hate dealing with insurance and doctor's offices and co-pays and premiums and other insurance related and diabetes related stupidity.

Happy Thanksgiving.

I just want to say Happy Thanksgiving to all you blog readers out there. It is a time for family and friends and remembering what's important in life. I am currently decorating a cake & preparing to cook Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow to celebrate with my dad and his family. We are very thankful this year that my Grandmother is out of the nursing home. While she's not doing as well as we'd like, she is doing much much better and we are so glad to have her home.
On Thanksgiving, after we eat and rest and clean the kitchen, I am heading to a friend's house for the long weekend. We are going to try to shop some and just hang out. I have taken Monday off work, simply to extend the time a little.
I have to say that I am truly thankful for my health with 22 years of diabetes under my belt. I am thankful more than they will every know, for my family and my friends. I don't know what I'd do without them.
And I have a new item to add to my thankful list this year. I am thankful for all of you in the Diabetes OC. Since I discovered this world back in April, my life has improved in many ways. I am so blessed by each and every one of you. You bring me back to myself, when diabetes tries to make me forget who I am. You live your days with me, checking blood sugars, going to doctor's appointments, and sharing our lows and high (both literal and figurative).
I truly hope you all have a joy filled Thanksgiving filled with friends and family and wonderful food. And don't forget to count those carbs! :)

Tagged

Beth at In Search of Balance, had tagged me with the lovely seven meme. This is a first for me. So, here are the rules:

The Rules:
1. Link to the person’s blog who tagged you.
2. Post these rules on your blog.
3. List seven random and/or weird facts about yourself.
4. Tag seven random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
5. Let each person know that they have been tagged by posting a comment on their blog.

1. I was adopted at birth (pretty cool, huh Beth?) and have actually met my biological mother & her family. I went to visit them when I was 18.
2. I once was hit on by a telemarketer who was trying to sell me a long distance plan. He couldn't get over my Tennessee accent. It took me 10 minutes to get off the phone with him since I didn't want to be mean and just hang up on him.
3. I am probably the only person I know who is very "county" and yet LOVES Broadway.
4. If I were not a diabetic, I would still drink diet drinks. I don't like the taste of most non-diet drinks (that comes from 22 years of diabetes).
5. I once stood out in the COLD weather (Pittsburgh in December) at 4:00 in the morning to buy tickets to a play that I wouldn't see. I was helping out a friend.
6. I am not dating anyone & don't have any prospects for marriage, but due to my best friend getting married in May, I already have my wedding dress, theme, and some decorations picked out. Pretty pathetic, I know.
7. I am short! Not even 5 feet tall. 4' 11" if you want to get technical. And one of my best friends is 6' 4". We look funny standing next to each other. Total opposites.

Now for the tagging 7 others.... it took me a while to find 7 people who don't have a tagged blog up. So, if you get double tagged, I'm sorry.
Here they are:
Jillian at Diabetor and Me, Paige at TN Mountain Cur, Ed at Ring the Bolus, Jim at Jimmy Fitz, Scott at Scott's Diabetes Journal, Seonaid at Diabetes Blog, and George at The B.A.D. Diabetic. Sorry if you guys have already been tagged and I didn't realize it.
Have fun.

Weekend of Shopping

I went shopping on Saturday in Knoxville, which is about an hour and a half from where I live. I went with a dear friend of mine, whom I will call D, who is a Type 2 diabetic. We were friend before her diagnosis, but since then, there are things that I can discuss with her that we couldn't talk about before. It brings to light different things in our friendship. Even though I am Type 1 & she is Type 2, there is still an underlying connection there. We can discuss A1c's, blood sugar levels, and what different foods do to our BG levels. It's nice to have that connection with another person.

I have that connection on a regular basis with those of you in the OC, but I have to say, a real, flesh and bone human that I can talk with face-to-face is also really nice.

In some ways I am jealous of those of you who have gotten to meet each other. I want to do that someday.

D & I went to a health food store in Knoxville, called Earth Fare. I live in a really, really small town, so I don't get the chance to shop at places like that very often. I bought several things, but I have to say I walked out of the store with one bag that ended up costing $36. That's sad. So in a way, I guess it's a good thing that I live in a very small town. Otherwise I would be broke from grocery shopping.... oh wait, I am already broke from grocery shopping, so I guess I would just be in the poor house all the way around then. :)

We also went to a mall, Best Buy (I love the Best Buy!), and another little shop. I spent way too much money, but got several people's Christmas presents out of the way, so I guess it was a good thing in a way.

The best part of my day, however, was lunch. D's birthday was on the 14th (WDD!) and I took her out for lunch as my present to her. That is kind of our present to each other on our birthday's. We went to P.F. Chang's China Bistro. I know there is one in Nashville and one in Maryland, so I am pretty sure it is a large chain. I have been there several times and absolutely LOVE it! I can't remember what D ordered (although I can tell you it was good). But I got Ginger Chicken and Broccoli. I have to say, it was one of the best things I have ever gotten off their menu. The food is always fabulous, but Ginger Chicken made it to the top of my order list. I highly recommend that you try it if you get the chance. It's a little pricey, but more than worth it. The also offer you the choice of white & brown rice with your meal, so you can eat healthier if you choose. (I was a bad diabetic: I had white rice.)

On a side note, I just looked up P.F. Chang's on the internet and they have their entire menu listed on the website with nutritional values! If I'd known that, I would have had an easier time with my carb counting.... I'll have to remember that for my next visit.

Overall, I had a good day. Decent blood sugars all day long and lots of fun that was non-diabetes related.

On another note: My niece has been back in the hospital for fluid around her heart. I am pretty sure, though not positive because I haven't talked to them in a couple of days, that she got out of the hospital today. The put her in on Thursday and they had to drain the fluid and she was in ICU for a while. So, once again, please keep her and my family in your prayers. This cancer is not being a nice thing. But she is a strong person and has a good attitude and we believe she can beat this thing!

World Diabetes Day 2007

Today is World Diabetes Day 2007. I didn't do anything special on this day. I should have, and feel like others may have done more than I. It passed, just like any other day for me. My hope, however, is that others that don't have to live with diabetes every day, had their eyes opened to the struggle that so many in the world make every single day.

Some of you were in another country, watching the lights make the world aware of the day. Some of you were able to highlight the effect that diabetes has on the people around the diabetic. Some wrote beautiful posts about diabetes and how it exists in your world. There was even a post with everyone's favorite diabetes spokesperson.

All over the world, buildings lit up, people joined together and spoke out about diabetes. Even though I feel like I should have done something on this day, I know that there are others out there, like me, who woke up this morning wishing that there was no need for a World Diabetes Day. Knowing that today was going to be a bad day blood sugar wise (and it was. Believe me, it was.) and wishing that there was no diabetes.

Today was another day that I don't get a day off. I don't get a break. I don't get to eat what I want without a care. I don't get to go more than 4 hours without a test. To be honest, I didn't even want to test today. It seemed too much for me. Too hard. Too time consuming. But I did it, although not as often as I should have.

My hope is not only that people become aware of diabetes and its global effect, but that there is a CURE in the near future. So I can have my day off. Twenty-two years is a long time to not get a day off. I'd really like that chance.

The Bee & Me

I have discussed my diagnosis before. I talked about how my mother found out I was diabetic and what bits and pieces that I remember from that awful time in my life. But I don't think I have ever talked about this little guy:
This is a bee. I think. Actually I'm not sure that it isn't the love child of a bee and a troll. It's been through a lot of stuff. A four year old can do that to a toy. He (she?) was bought for me when I was diagnosed. I'm not sure if it was purchased in the hospital gift store, or my parents got it somewhere else and brought it to me.
I do know that I remember holding it while I was held down to get shots in the hospital. I remember it being a bribe of sorts for me not to cry. (It didn't work.) But I remember this little bee. It made me smile.
I found it the other night, in an old trunk (one I actually took to diabetes camp!) with a bunch of stuff from my childhood. I was thinking about this little bee, and I remembered that I had kept it. When I found it, I couldn't help but think about how it looked just like I remembered it. It took me back to being four years old and holding it while I lay on my stomach in a hospital bed in Cookeville, Tennessee just after my diagnosis. I can almost feel the hot tears running down my face.
But that's not the only time I remember it. I remember having it at home, playing in the bathtub (I always had lots of toys in the bathtub). I remember it getting water stuck in it and my dad taking his pocket knife to cut the hole in the bottom of it bigger, so the water could drain out. That hole is still there, of course.
This little bee went through a lot with me. And as I got older, I remembered it and kept it. When I was putting pieces of my childhood in that trunk as a teenager, in went the bee. Lots of things didn't make it into that trunk. But that bee made it. It is part of my memory of my diagnosis.
I can't tell you how long I carried around that bee, just that it survived my childhood. Not many toys can say that with any child.
So I got the bee out and took his (her?) picture to post on here. I wanted to share it with you because I know that others have some similar memories. I would love to hear about yours.
As a side note, I took the bee to my mother's house on Friday night. I asked her if she remembered it. She remembered the bee, but not when or how I had gotten it. Amazing what children remember. That little bee is something I won't ever forget.

Happy D-Blog Day!!!

Happy D-Blog Day! This is my first year to celebrate D-Blog Day. And I have to say that I am so very happy that I am here, in this great community, to share with you in our hurts, our fears, our triumphs, and our every day lives. I came to the OC when I felt like I didn't have anyone who understood what I was going through. I had spent time trying to explain my fears and frustrations with friends, and try as they might, they just couldn't completely understand. I am so thankful that I stumbled across dLife one day, which lead me to Kerri, who opened the door for so many of the wonderful on-line friends I have made.
You have changed my world in so many ways. My world was hollow at times. Lonely and sometimes scary. I wanted to find people who were living what I was living. Part of my didn't believe there were others who were living what I was.
Now my life is better. I won't say complete, because that will only come with a CURE! But it is better. When I am frustrated at the general public, you understand. When I am sick from a midnight low, you understand. When I get on my education soapbox, you understand. This is because you live it with me. You make me feel normal. You make me feel understood. You make me know that I can get up each day and smile and be thankful for a good day. If it's a bad day, you sympathize and tell me, "there's always tomorrow".
All in all, this online-community has saved me untold dollars in therapy (I'm really not kidding. I was considering seeing a therapist before I found this "world"), introduced me to people I would have never met otherwise, and let me be me without fear of judgement or condemnation.
Thank you.

Head in the Sand: The Morning After

Last night I made chicken vegetable soup. It's just starting to cool down here in Tennessee and soup was the perfect meal for the weather. Not to mention the fact that I am running dangerously low on groceries and I'm too lazy to go to the supermarket until I absolutely have to. I had all the ingredients to to make this soup last night and I have to say, it was delicious.

I always find it a little hard to estimate my carbs for homemade soup. I usually take a wild guess and watch my blood sugars really closely for the next several hours. If it seems like I did okay, I use that same estimation the next time I eat the soup. Usually it isn't a very difficult thing for me to do.

So there I was, eating my soup. I had estimated my carbs at around 25 grams because I knew that I would have seconds and the soup had diced potatoes, corn, and peas. And seconds I did have. Two hours after dinner my blood sugar was 84. This almost panicked me into eating something else, or turning my pump off, but I instead decided to keep a closer eye on the blood sugars to see if they were going to keep falling, or hold steady. I was (of course) hoping for the holding steady.

Three hours after dinner: 85

Four hours after dinner: 82

Bedtime (about 4 and 1/2 hrs after): 80

I still had 1.1 units of active insulin left, according to my bolus wizard on my pump. This doesn't usually worry me because my blood sugar tends to increase after I go to sleep. My basal rate even increases, especially closer to morning to deal with the lovely dawn phenomenon.

I went to be feeling confident I would awake around 100.

Fast forward to the middle of the night (around 3:50 according to my meter; I checked the time this morning). I woke up, wide awake. This never happens to me. I felt almost frozen. Something is very wrong. I willed myself to open my eyes all the way, trying to get a bearing on my surroundings. I'm scared. I can't reach the two feet to my left to turn on my lamp, so I reach on the opposite side of my bed, where I lay my meter every night. Thankfully, there's a tiny flashlight on my meter case; my meter doesn't have a back light.

My head is spinning and I think to myself "This isn't right." And it wasn't. I was 55. I reached for the juice box I keep on my nightstand. I fumble with the straw and think that I just want to go back to sleep. I drain the juice box and lay there, box in hand, knowing that even though my blood sugar is low, it won't stay that way. The 25 grams of carbs in the juice box will bring me back up. I closed my eyes and drift back to sleep.

My alarm went off this morning & I pried my eyes open, hoping that it wouldn't be as bad as I knew it would be. It was. I have a splitting headache & when I turn my lamp on, my eyes squint to keep out the pain. It's almost like a hangover, minus the throwing up part. I grabbed my meter and checked my blood sugar. It's 122. I've survived the night, but from past experiences, I know I'm in for a long day.

I haven't had a low in the night in months. I don't know why I always wake myself up. Actually, I do: God, plain & simple. He's always taken care of me when I couldn't take care of myself. There always seems to be someone around who knows what's wrong and knows what to do when I don't, or I'm not able to care for myself.

Back to my day: I stumble around getting ready for work, feeling like death warmed over. All I really want to is go lay back down and go back to sleep. I contemplate calling in to work today, but know I have a full schedule of appointments that other's in my office would have to see or reschedule. I don't want to do that to them.

So I went to work. I took some ibuprofen to help with the headache. It didn't help much. I felt like I'd stuck my head in a pile of sand. My eyes were gritty feeling, no matter how much I rubbed them. They were heavy, feeling like sandbags were weighing the lids down.

But I worked. I worked all day and by around 4:00 this afternoon I felt somewhat like a human-being again. My eyes don't feel so much like I stuck my head in the sand anymore.

Today, while I was working, I thought about Kerri's experience with a low a few nights ago. I know exactly how she feels. I should have taken that swig of juice before I went to bed. But for once, it would have been nice to not have to worry about diabetes. A blood sugar of 84 is normal. Why can't I be normal and stay that way?? Kerri has Chris to help her out, but she seems to wake herself up most of the time. I always do. Or God does, I guess it depends on how you want to look at it.

As short tempered and ill as I was today, I worked all day. Tomorrow, after a good night's sleep and decent blood sugar readings, I will be in a better mood, I will feel better, and I will still be thankful that I'm here.

Hamburger Meat

That's what my mother always said my fingertips looked like when I was little. She didn't say it in a mean way. But she always said it sympathetically. Like she felt so sorry for me. Which I know she did. She felt so helpless to not be able to fix her little girl.
When I was diagnosed in 1985, testing was so much different. We didn't have the luxury of micro fine lancets, or lancet devices with different depths on them. They hurt. A lot. And they bled. A lot. And sometimes, especially to a little four year old, it felt like the lancet was going to go straight through my finger.
This left many many ugly red and brown dots on my fingertips. That's why my mother said it reminded her of hamburger meat. I, myself, still look at my fingertips and think to my self "Look. Hamburger meat." It makes me want to cry sometimes, knowing that I will probably never have beautifully manicured hands and soft fingertips that are free of callouses and tiny red spots. I don't think about it often, but today was a day I thought about it a great deal.
I was visiting Kerri over at Six Until Me. Her post today started out with a picture of her fingertips. I laughed. They were MY fingertips!!! How'd she get a picture of MY fingertips?? At that moment I felt loved, understood, and absolutely not alone in this fight against diabetes.
Then, this evening, I stopped by Amylia's blog, Amazing Grace. Yesterday she had posted a picture for diabetes 365. This was also a picture of her (my???) fingertips holding a cell phone. Again, I felt connected. This time to someone on the other side of the world. Again, I felt loved, understood, and absolutely not alone.
I live with diabetes every day. It's a part of nearly every decision I make. I don't complain about it very often. After all, what would the point of that be?? I just live with it. I test, I get turned down for short term disability policies, I go to doctor's offices where they know me by name, I count every gram of food that enters my body. It's just part of me and my life.
But sometimes, you can't help but feel different and alone. Today was not one of those days. So I'd like to thank Amylia and Kerri. Even though I've never met either of them (I would count myself blessed to be able to meet either of them), I feel like I know them. We share a common thread. We share a life. We share our fingertips.

Why are people so stupid?

Seriously? Why? I was reading in Countdown Magazine, that I picked up at the Middle TN JDRF Walk To Cure Diabetes, that 7% of the population is affected by diabetes. They say by 2020 that the number will be 33%. That's one-third. One third of the nation that has Type 1 or Type 2 diabetes. Why do people not seem concerned by this? Why do people not want to learn about this disease that affects so many people? I know that it's hard to be concerned by something that doesn't affect you. But so many people THINK that they know about diabetes because their second cousin's grandpa had it. Or their friend from 30 years ago had it. And they spout off stupidity because of it. No, I won't "outgrow" diabetes. I can't. I have Type 1. I have a friend who had Type 2 and was on an insulin pump for years. The last time I spoke with her she'd lost so much weight that she wasn't on insulin at all anymore. But she's still Type 2. If someone tries to tell me about their sickness, I try to listen. Even if it doesn't really affect me. Who knows what I might learn? When I found out my niece had cancer, I waited to find out what KIND of cancer. Then I researched it. Then I talked about it with her. I tried to inform myself. Why is that so hard for the general public? I know I have been on these rants before, and I am truly sorry if I am annoying anyone who's reading this, but it is constantly on my mind. I want to EDUCATE people. And I don't know how to do it!

Another Example of Ignorance

I was visiting Kerri's site today, as I do most days, and she had posted on her page a comment on the sidebar relating to Halle Berry. We have all known that Halle Berry was a diabetic, but I know most of us couldn't figure out whether she was a Type 1 or a Type 2. Apparently, she doesn't know either! The page stated that Ms. Berry was diagnosed as a Type 1 but had "weaned myself off insulin" and now considered herself a Type 2 diabetic. At first I wasn't sure if I should be ticked at the media or at Halle herself. The media prints nonsense like this EVERY DAY without researching what they are writing about and the public believes what they read. But I believe Ms. Berry is the one to blame here. Shouldn't one be knowledgeable about their own disease? Shouldn't one want to know how to control their disease, care for themselves, and be up to date on related topic? I know I want to do these things. Obviously Ms. Berry was misinformed by her "wonderful" doctors at her time of diagnosis and never bothered to find out for herself. So, in turn, she is misinforming hundreds of thousands, and possibly even millions of people about diabetes and the differences between Type 1 & Type 2. As I sit here on my lunch break, eating my chicken salad and trying to feel better from a morning of continually rising blood sugars, I am disheartened to hear that even diabetics themselves can be, and are, sadly misinformed about their disease. In my world, knowledge is power. The more I know, the better off I am. The more I learn, the easier caring for my diabetes will be.

I'm glad Halle Berry is no longer and insulin-dependant diabetic. It's good that she was able to accomplish this task. But I am sad that she doesn't know the basics of a disease that she lives with every day.

How do we change the way the world looks at diabetes? How do we inform and educate? How frustrating it is, especially for Type 1 diabetics, to deal with people telling you there is a cure. There is NO CURE for diabetes at this time. I hope for one. I pray for one. I work for one. But there's not one yet.