Sunday, May 16, 2010

Dream a little dream - life after a cure


It's appropriate that this post would be set to post on the same day that I am going to be in New York meeting up with many other fellow diabetics.

A cure. That illusive word that's been floating around in my world for 24 years. When I was diagnosed, they said "within 10 years". Yet, here I sit, sipping a juice box from another low blood sugar.

I know most of us have thought about it. About how wonderful it would be to not have to test, bolus, count carbs, etc. I would like to think that I would love that freedom. And I know I would love the fact that this disease would no longer be wearing on my body.

Life would be free from fear of highs and lows. Free from the fear of never waking up because of a nightime low. Free from fear of pizza and cereal. Free of the fear of loosing my eye sight or a limb to this vicious disease.

Wow. All of that sounds like heaven!

But I've also been very, very honest with myself. I have had diabetes since I was 4 years old. My memories of life before diabetes are vague at best. To me, diabetes is like being adopted, or having brown hair, or being short: it's part of who I am. How can it not be when it's with me all the time? I may not think about the fact that I'm short all the time, but I am never not short. I may not think about or notice the fact that my hair is brown. But it is. Every second of the day. And just like those things, I am a person with diabetes all the time. I don't know (and haven't known) life without diabetes.

So truth be told, I would take that pill, happily. And immediately go into therapy. Because I have a very distinct impression that figuring out who I am without diabetes would be a rough road. Complete with lots of visits to a mental health professional to help me sort out who I am without this part of me that's been here for practically my whole life.

(Oh, and on my way to therapy, I'd stop and get a pizza. And eat it. And not worry about a blood sugar spike.)

9 comments:

meanderings said...

Hope you're having a great time. Take lots of pictures!
Pizza on the way to therapy made me laugh out loud!
WV-lowit - hmmmm...

Jillian said...

I totally get the therapy thing. Except I'd be stopping for ice cream on the way to my appointments :)

makingthechoice said...

Aw, Cara! Pizza on the way to therapy sounds wonderful LOL. You're right in saying that diabetes certainly becomes a part of who you are, something that requires such relentless attention is bound to have a profound effect. I wonder sometimes, too, if there were a cure- what would I be thinking about during all those moments that I'm now thinking about diabetes, would I see things differently than I do now?

Cherise said...

You've been a PWD all your life. Amazing. lol! I think we all would go to the looney bin. I love the last line of your post.

Michael Hoskins said...

Well said, Cara. I'm the same way - diagnosed at 5, I don't know anything else. It would be strange - I'd almost feel not like myself anymore. But yes, I'd take that pill happily. Rub it in to those who ever said "within 5 years" and then live it up - free from the D. That woudl be wonderous. I hope it someday happens for every Kid With Diabetes now or in the future, and if possible those Kids With Diabetes Who Grew Up.

Wendy said...

Profound. I'm trying to read all of Day 7's posts and I see a recurrent theme...yet...each response profoundly affect me.

It's crazy.

type1emt said...

I would definatly have to have therapy too.(even though I haven't had it my whole life,it becomes a way of life) Ahhh well,it would be copays well spent.(since we'll have all this money that used to be spent on diabetes supplies/appts!)

thisiscaleb said...

Pizza sounds great! Loved the pictures from the trip to NYC! Thanks for giving everyone a reason to get together!

BTW - what show did you see?

Scott K. Johnson said...

Oh man - pizza on the way to therapy is TOTALLY the ticket! Heck - I'd probably be eating something IN therapy!