Sometimes It's Who You Know

Every so often I go get fast food for breakfast. I know, I know. It’s not healthy. It’s not good for me. It’s not always good on my blood sugars. BUT, I do it. And I’m guessing that you probably do as well. I live in the same town I grew up in. I left for a while and ended up back here for a job and haven’t been able to escape since (those of you that know me, know what I mean by that!).

There are some good things to living in a small town. One of them is having everyone know you. This is also a bad thing at times. But the occasion that I’m writing about today is a GOOD thing. I was headed through drive-thru at a local restaurant. I happened to have worked at the summer after I graduated high school. Up until a few weeks ago, it was the only place in town that had Diet Dr. Pepper. I LOVE Diet Dr. Pepper. More imporatanly, I love anything diet on tap (?) that’s not Diet Coke. Please forgive me you Coke lovers. But I love finding Diet Dr. Pepper. I order, every time, very clearly “A medium Diet Dr. Pepper, please.”

On this particular morning, I pulled around to the drive thru window and I knew the lady who waited on me. She’s the manager of this particular restaurant. She’s also the person who hired me when I worked there. And most importantly, she used to baby-sit me when I was little. Not too long after I was diagnosed with diabetes. She was in high school, I was in very early elementary school and she lived right down the road from my house. She would take the bus home and then walk down the street to my house and watch me until my mom or dad got home. Or she would 

come during the summer and stay with me when my parents both worked.

It wasn’t an all the time thing, but it was enough that I remember her very well from that time and I’ve always had a place in my heart for her, especially after she hired me when I was young and dumb. J The great thing about having her around that particular morning was that she started to hand me my drink out the window (she hadn’t taken my order) and before she even let go of it she said, “this is supposed to be diet, right?” “Yeah,” I said.

She looked over her shoulder and said to the other woman working, “This is supposed to be diet. Is it?” Of course, it wasn’t. And then the best thing ever happened. She said, “She’s got diabetes. This would mess her up for the rest of the day.” And then she got me a new, DIET drink.

Now the truth is, I would have checked the drink before I pulled away from the window. I would 

have caught the mistake. But I didn’t HAVE to. She did it for me. And cared enough to make sure it was right. So even though I may complain about my small town sometimes (okay, a LOT of times), it isn’t all bad. There are times it comes in down right handy when people know everything about you.

Even though I’m sure she’ll never read this, I thought I’d share this totally wonderful experience with you. Because I hope that there’s someone out there looking out for you as well. 

Diabetes and the Christmas Season

The Christmas season is upon us. There are so many things that come into play this time of year. Gift giving, card sending, baking, decorating, Christmas programs, family, travel, and a host of other things that, while not regulated to one time a year, rarely fall all at the same time of year.

It’s easy to let some things fall by the wayside when you’re dealing with all of these other things that seem to take precedence. One thing that seems to be an issue for many of us is caring for diabetes. I’ll be honest, after Diabetes Awareness month in November, being thrust directly into the Christmas season, I’m often burnt out this time of year. It’s understandable.

 

My work has a “December Days of Eating.” Really. That’s what we call it. Every work day of December that falls before Christmas, someone signs up to bring something to eat for the whole office. Most of the time it’s something terribly horrible for us all, but oh, so good. I have one co-worker that makes this amazing cheesy buttery French bread that I swear I look forward to all year long. Another loves to bring a cheese dip that includes sausage and salsa. Another is queen of desserts. I, myself, usually take something like cupcakes or cake.

I have Community Choir concerts, shopping for presents, addressing and mailing Christmas cards, dealing with family things (two Christmas dinners anyone?), and all the emotional baggage that comes with the holidays in general.

Add all of this together and I guess my question is, how do I keep things under some semblance of control? Anyone else have feelings like this? What do you do to keep yourself from going over the diabetes edge?

It seems like when Santa comes into camera view during the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade, my life goes insane until about the 3rd week of January. Help me (and whatever reader’s I may have) out. Give me some tips, or just share your own frustrations about this crazy time of year. I’ll thank you. I might even bake you a cupcake.

Complicated Diabetes

When you have diabetes, there are times that everything feels more complicated. It's something that I, myself, try to hide from most people. Those living with or caring for people with diabetes know better. They know the truth.

A trip out of town requires more packing.

A job requires more questions (do I get paid time off, or sick days? What's the insurance coverage like? How much does it cost?).

Grocery shopping requires more items (juice boxes when there are no kids in my house? Yup. That'd be me.).

What's for dinner? (That could require a quick change in menu, depending on current blood sugars.)

A budget requires more planning (I have a whole section dedicated to medications and doctor's co-pays).

Going back to school full time? Probably never going to happen, unless I marry someone with fantastic health insurance (any takers??).

Sickness comes knocking? There's more than just waiting for it to be over. There's ketones and doctors and dehydration and things that a "normal" person would never think about.

And though I've not gotten there yet, even having a child requires more planning than a "normal" person would have to deal with.

In a lot of ways I feel like diabetes made me grow up much faster than I might have if I'd never been diagnosed with diabetes. I've always been seen as fairly responsible and in control of things. At times even been considered the "good kid" in my group of friends or my family. In fact, when I ran into my former pre-school teacher a few years ago, she told me that shortly after I was diagnosed (while I was in her class), I was already telling her what I could and couldn't eat. She said I knew, even then, what to do.

There have been many times I've wondered what I would have been like if I'd never been diagnosed with diabetes. It's a foreign concept to me. Would I have been irresponsible? Would I be a totally different person than I am now? Would I have joined the military? Would I have gone back to school already? Would I have picked a profession based on what I liked, and not on it's ability to provide me a stable income and health insurance? Would I already have children?

There are so many unanswered questions. None of which I'll probably ever know the answer, because for whatever reason, I WAS diagnosed with diabetes 26 years ago and I haven't really known life without diabetes.

I can appreciate the things that diabetes has brought into my life. I've met some of my best friends because of diabetes. None of them I would have met if we didn't share a busted pancreas. I've taken trips that I never would have taken, if it weren't for diabetes. I am unsure I would have entered the world of blogging if it weren't for diabetes. And twitter...that's laughable. I'd probably be one of those anti-twitter people, instead of having TWO accounts.

So, diabetes has made my life more complicated. That's a fact. But it's also taught me a lot of lessons about health, life, and friendship, and blessed me in more ways than I can count. Complications (not the health kind!), I can handle. Diabetes, I can deal with.

D Blog Week: Diabetes Hero

Our last day of Diabetes Blog Week! Thanks again to my great friend Karen at Bitter-Sweet Diabetes for organizing this wonderful event, yet again.

Let’s end our week on a high note and blog about our “Diabetes Hero”. It can be anyone you’d like to recognize or admire, someone you know personally or not, someone with diabetes or maybe a Type 3. It might be a fabulous endo or CDE. It could be a d-celebrity or role-model. It could be another DOC member. It’s up to you – who is your Diabetes Hero??



You know, there are so many diabetes heroes out there. There are the people who are LIVING with diabetes every day, the people who work in the healthcare field (and give it their all) to help care for people living with diabetes. There are are people who work tirelessly to find a cure for diabetes and to promote technology in the meantime.

But I think my heroes are the Type 3s. The people who LOVE those of us with diabetes. The parents, the children, the significant others, the friends, co-workers. The people who put up with our mood swings, and bad days, and health emergencies. They are the ones who don't HAVE to deal with diabetes, but do so anyway.

I'm thankful for my D-OC, who is there for me when I need mental and emotional support. But I'm truly thankful for my friends and family that I'm around every day. The ones who worry and pray for me. When my co-worker calls me when I'm running late for work, just to make sure I'm okay. That's a hero. When my mom listens to me rant about crazy blood sugar days (and I KNOW she prays for me all the time). That's a hero. When my best friend promises me we'll get to the airport two hours early, to make sure I get through security okay. That's a hero.

I'm thankful and blessed to have the D-OC. But I'm also thankful and blessed to have the Type 3s in my life. I hope they all realize how much I appreciate them and love them.

Remember to check out all the other great posts about today's topic by clicking HERE.

Letting Go: My Mother's Story

This is going to be one of the hardest posts for me to put up here. I asked my mother to write something for the "Your Voice" project. I knew she would have the perfect words to say and I was right. I love my mom. She's one of my best friends and one of the most genuine and kind people I know in the world. Although I like to think I got some of my better traits from her, I still wish I could be more like her. Some people say they dread the thought of turning into their mother. I say that it would be a honor for me to turn out like her.

I am the mother of a daughter with Type 1 diabetes for 25 years. She is now 30 years young and loving life as far as I can tell. I spent her childhood on a roller coaster of emotions trying to prepare her for her adult life, always hoping for some middle ground so that she would be able to have some peace in her life.

I have felt all, I repeat all, of the anxieties of a mother letting her chronically ill child grow up. The one I wish to share today is perhaps the most trying of all. Going thru school, living at home, she needed us to help her in just about every way. being 30 she needs us to understand her life and let her live it. Thank God she is doing just that. She has refused to allow this monster that looks over her shoulder 24 hours a day 7 days a week to control her life. I have so much love and admiration for my little girl (and yes she is still little 4' 11") and it is a joy to stand back and see what she has become. Strong, independent, a blessing to everyone who knows her and a friend like no other, the kind that you can rely on no mater what. She lights up every room and never stops amazing those of us who love her.

She keeps things from me, I know she does. It is a part of the process. She cannot have her freedom if she keeps calling for help. That is how she sees it and that is the only thing that matters. I am there for her, and she knows it. I ask question when I must (you know moms) and I read between the lines a lot. We know each other through and through and that helps. I have confidence in our balanced diplomacy of things I do not ask and things she feels I need to know. This is a balancing act of sorts but it is so worth it. For her to live her life her way regardless of what tomorrow may bring is the only way. I must love her and let her, for with out that freedom it would be no life at all.


Thanks you, Mom, for writing this. You do a fantastic job of letting me live my life. You always say that God blessed you with me. But He blessed me with you as well.

M-I-C-K-E-Y

It's been a while since I've done a cake post for you guys. I'm not really in the mood to write a d-related post today, so I thought I'd bring you some of my "sweeter" and happier posts by posting pictures from my godson's 3rd birthday party, including the cake I made him.

This cake was one of my favorites that I've ever gotten to do!

I love Mickey! No matter how much I complain about MM Clubhouse. :)

As for the theme... let's just say I've seen enough episodes of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse that I can hotdog dance with the best of 'em. :)

I didn't make these, but aren't they cute?? 

He was a little freaked out with everyone singing to him. :)

To My Mom

Sunday is Mother's Day. I love my mom every single day of the year. I think I love her more every single day I think. But this year holds a little bit more of a special meaning to me. And it's all because of a post written about a week ago by Hallie from The Princess and the Pump. At the beginning of May Hallie and her husband J had a terrifying experience with their Princess, Sweet Pea. She wrote about it in a post called The Scariest Night of My Life. When I read this post, I cried. I cried tears for Hallie and her husband. I cried tears for my mom and dad.

I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt that I put both of my parents though similarly terrifying experiences through the years. But I never really thought about how it affected them. Though my dad did some of my care, my mom was my primary care giver, especially when it came to diabetes.

Thank you Mom. I can’t tell you in any amount of words or blog posts how much you mean to me and how much I love you. But here are some of the things that I need to thank you for.

Thank you for the sleepless nights.

Thank you for the times you worried.

Thank you for the countless prayers you’ve prayed for me.

Thank you for letting me be a kid.

Thank you for the doctor visits and the subsequent buying of a troll to add to my hideously large collection.

Thank you for always reminding me, “You’d better take care of your diabetes or it will take care of you.” :)

Thank you for always loving me, even when I was impossible.

Thank you for each and every time you put what I wanted before anything that you wanted.

Thank you. I love you.

Christmas Beauty

There are so many things I love about this time of year. I love snow (when it doesn't interfere with my plans!). I love family gatherings. I love buying presents for people. I love giving and receiving Christmas cards. I love seeing children get excited about Santa and Christmas break.

Sure, there are totally annoying parts about Christmas, like feeling obligated to buy presents for people you don't know well or don't like, and dealing with the family drama that seems to come around the holidays when we are forced to spending time with family we don't normally see. There's the commercialization of the holidays that I think is a total travesty.

But overall, Christmas means so much to me. Christmas takes me back to the roots of my Christian faith. Christmas is the day that God sent His Son, my Saviour, into the world to be an eternal atonement for my sins. Christmas celebrates the start of a journey that would end in my ability to have a way to Heaven.

I think my favorite part of Christmas is the abundance of praise music that fills our ears. In all other times of the year, music that showers Him with praise is rare to hear in a secular world. But around Christmas, we hear songs like Jingle Bells and Santa Clause is Coming to Town...and right in between them, and on either side we hear O Holy Night, and Go Tell it on the Mountain. We hear Hark! The Herald Angles Sing and Silent Night.

Many people simply look at these songs at Christmas songs. I look at them for what they are: Praise. Praise to God. Praise to His Son. And a chance for me to sing praise music in public without people looking at me like I've lost my mind.

So in celebration of Christmas and the meaning I hold deep in my heart for my favorite holiday, I wanted to share my favorite Christmas song.

Diabetes Blessings

Well, tomorrow is Thanksgiving here in the States. This is one of my favorite holidays of the year. I get 2 days off, AND I get to spending it eating ginormous amounts of food and watching the Macy's Day Parade on TV. :)

But this week, thanks to Mike from My Diabetic Heart, it is also Diabetes Blessings Week. It is a wonderful idea in which we remind ourselves of the good things that diabetes has brought into our lives.

It can be easy to only think about the bad things that come with having a chronic illness. But sometimes, we have to remind ourselves that there is an up side to everything. And blessings, even in the storm.

One of the things that I am the most thankful for is the D-OC. Not only have I been blessed with friends that understand and live with the same illness that I live with, I've also been introduced to people whom I would consider friends even if we didn't share the common bond of diabetes.

I've met people who share my same interests, my same hobbies, and in one case, even my same birthday (Hi Karen!).

These people, that I consider friends, I would have never had the chance to meet if it weren't for diabetes. That is probably my biggest diabetes blessing.

But diabetes has blessed me in other ways as well. I have learned discipline. I've learned patience. I've learned to plan ahead. I've learned to always be prepared. I've learned about the kindness of strangers. I've learned to be kind to strangers. I've learned compassion. I've learned to eat healthier. I've learned the need to have regular check-ups. I've learned the importance of tooth and eye care.

Diabetes has some amazing blessings in the middle of all of the bad stuff it hands us. And I, for one, am thankful that I can and DO see the blessings that diabetes has brought into my life.

#DSMA Guest Post

For those of you who Tweet, most of you probably know about #dsma, or Diabetes Social Media Advocacy. The lovely Cherise is behind this idea. Every Wednesday night, we can "meet" on Twitter to ask questions and discuss specific topics related to diabetes. I miss it every week because I am at church during this time, but Cherise posts the round-ups on the DSMA website.

Several weeks ago Cherise asked me to write a post for the DSMA blog/website for Diabetes Awareness Month. I was honored to do it.

My guest post is up today, so if you have a chance, go check it out. And join in on the #DSMA chat on Twitter every Wednesday evening.

Happy Veteran's Day

Remember that freedom isn't free. Thank a member of the military.

Just Because...

Just because we blog about diabetes, doesn't mean we have it all under control.

Just because we don't share with you about a horrible "high" or "low" or "rollercoaster" day, doesn't mean that it doesn't happen sometimes.

Just because we brush off a comment made about how "bad" our diabetes is, doesn't mean that living with diabetes isn't bad.

Just because we act like we feel fine, doesn't mean we do.

Just because we eat what we want, doesn't mean that we eat what we want all the time.

Just because we work a job, doesn't mean that diabetes doesn't get in the way sometimes.

Just because we have healthy babies, doesn't mean it was easy.

Just because we live mostly complication free, doesn't mean that we didn't work hard for it.

Just because we are an "advocate," doesn't mean we are invincible.

Just because we prepare for everything, doesn't mean we're always prepared.

Just because we act brave, doesn't mean we're never scared.

And just because we do everything "right" doesn't mean that bad things don't happen. Sometimes with no explanation at all.

Yesterday, the world lost another child to diabetes. This one didn't leave this world because her parents withheld insulin, or because she didn't properly take care of herself. Eilish left this world, and her loving family, at 13 years old because of "dead-in-bed" syndrome. It's when you do everything right, and it just isn't enough. She went to bed happy and healthy. And didn't wake up in the morning.

This one hits closer to home than any other diabetes related death that I've ever dealt with. Not because I knew Eilish, or her family. But because this wasn't a case of neglect or a mistake. This was a case of total chance. The worst case scenario of a high or low that can't be explained.

For Eilish, and the mother, father, and sister she has left behind, I send my prayers and thoughts. For everyone else I say hug your family and friends. Tell them you love them. Live life to the fullest. Take chances. Play safe. And remember that life isn't when it starts or ends....it's what you do in the middle that makes all the difference.

Wonderful People

Over and over again it's been shown how diabetes has a huge emotional effect on those affected. It's also been noted that the emotional aspect of diabetes is often overlooked. Diabetes can be a lonely, frustrating disease at times.
But some of us have been lucky enough to stumble upon, and join the online community. Yesterday Kelly posted a wonderful blog about not being alone in our lives with diabetes.
And right she is. As frustrating as our lives can be, this online community has pulled us together and given us support when we feel like our lives our completely out of control, whether related to diabetes or not.
That support and strength even comes off line, IRL as well. Meet-ups have made my life wonderful. I have friends that I'd never have met if it weren't for diabetes. So, in a way, I have to thank diabetes for that wonderful gift.
A perfect example of our online community coming offline to support a member happened this past weekend. George celebrated his 20th dia-versary AND did a JDRF Walk on the same day! As much as I wished I could have been there, I wasn't able to go. But George did have a wonderful support group. People from our online community came from all over the country to visit with George and celebrate with him. It just goes to show you how much one person can effect those around him.
And in order to include those of us who could be there, George requested pictures to make THIS beautiful slide show and performed his beautiful song live while showing it during the party he threw after the walk.
This type of support is why I stay around this online community. In an online world where we are continually robbed of our words, it can be disheartening to say the least. There have been times when I wanted to just stop blogging altogether. But I can't leave this support. I can't leave this community. I can't leave these wonderful people I've met, both online and in real life.
So remember to thank God for the blessings He's given you. This community is right at the top of my list in terms of thankfulness.

Kiddos

Okay, I know several of you have children out there. I also know that several of you have children around you. I have a question... is it normal for a two year old to be obsessed with me checking my blood sugar??

One of my closest friends and my godson have recently moved in with me. He just turned 2 in July. He doesn't have a lot of vocabulary yet, but I have noticed that every single time I get out my meter to check my blood sugar, he stops whatever he's doing and rushes to watch me. He stands in front of me and stares. And the last time he watched me, he stuck a finger out for me.

I had to laugh. But I told him he didn't want me to do that to him.

But, is it normal? Since I started taking majorly good care of myself and since I started insulin pumping, I haven't been around a lot of young children. I've had children that are around 5 or 6 ask me questions (that's the age I teach Sunday School), but never had a child as young as my godson watching me like he does.

So, that's my question? Does it happen a lot with you guys?

Stangely Out of Place

The past couple of weeks, I kind of disappeared from the online community. Work and real-life were both getting to me. But, in addition to that, I was feeling overwhelmed by the online community.

There are no amount of words that can possibly express how much I love the D-OC. You guys have been there for me when no one else could be. You are supportive, wonderful, and you keep me sane. I thank God every day that He has placed such wonderful people in my (digital) reach.

When I first found the online community around 4 years ago (through Kerri!) there weren't many bloggers. Well, I suppose there were quite a few. Several hundred on Kerri's blogroll (if I remember correctly) at the time. But active bloggers were few and far between.

When I started blogging, I found other bloggers. Sure, I never read every blog. I don't claim to have visited every blog in the D-OC at that time. But I'd been to a lot of them.

I felt like I had a large, extended family. Some you didn't talk to as much, but you knew most of them, and you cared about them.

But slowly, over the past 4 years, more and more people have been making their way into our "family". I am so glad that they are, don't take me the wrong way. But I feel like my "family tree" has gotten so large that I don't know anyone anymore. Between Facebook, Twitter, and regular blogging, I am overwhelmed. And it's been an ungodly amount of time since I even visited TuDiabetes (sorry, Manny!).

Last week I was really overwhelmed by it all and I just quit. I quit reading blogs. I quit checking Twitter. I didn't blog. But, I'm back on now. I just needed some time to regroup. And to remind myself that I always have room for new friends, and that I can always keep the old friends close.

My question is, do any of you (especially those of you who've been around for a while) ever feel overwhelmed by all the people that are coming into the community? And do you feel guilty for not keeping up with all the new people and new blogs?

Birthday Cuppies

Fourteen years ago, my life changed forever. I spent the first 15 years of my life with only a MUCH older brother in the sibling department. My half-brother was 19 years older than my and had already left the home when I was born. But fourteen years ago, as of Monday, I was blessed with a baby sister.
Rachel and I are as different as night and day. With so many years between us, we often disagree. And with so many years between us, there is a fine, fine line between sister and parent for me, which drives her exceedingly crazy.
But she blesses me so much. I'm so crazy about her. She's growing into a fine young lady. She has her moments (what 14 year old doesn't?), but overall she is smart, funny, out-going, and truly cares about people.
When I asked her what she wanted for her birthday cake, all she would tell me was that she wanted light blue and light pink and chocolate cake. So, I had to get creative. This is what I came up with:

My sister loves music.

She sings like an angel.

She has recently taken up bowling, and plans to be on the bowling team when she goes to high school next year.

And she ALWAYS has her crazy pink iPod stuck in her ears (and turned up WAAAYYYY too loud).

She loved the cupcakes and the other small gifts I got her. And I was happy I was able to make her birthday a little more special, just like she's made my life more special.
I love you, Rachel.

Life Choices

A few days ago, Lee Ann, over at The Butter Compartment, posted a blog about being in the minority of people who have chosen not to have children. As I read her blog post, I got fairly emotional and wanted to comment. But then I realized how much I had to say, so instead I talked with her and decided to post my own blog on this very sensitive subject. And while my ideas may vary some from Lee Ann's, I understand her views and I encourage you all to read her post. It is truly moving.

I was diagnosed in 1986. I was never told (that I can remember) that I shouldn't have children, but it seemed to always be a silent understanding that I might not live a long life and that having children could be very hard on me (hello, Steel Magnolias).

I'm a kid person. I love babies. Even when I was 12 and 13, I was helping out in the nursery at church. I went to school to be a teacher. I worked in child care for several years. Even now, I teach a Sunday School class at church to get my "kid quota".

I always remember wanting children, but just automatically saying that I wasn't going to have them; that I would adopt instead. Adoption wasn't a big deal to me, since I was adopted. I never thought twice about it and never really felt like I was "missing out" on anything.

My mother didn't have a biological child until I was 15 and my baby sister was born. I never felt any different being adopted. And I just thought that I'd get my children a more non-conventional way.

When I was in high school, I was terrified of getting pregnant. Therefore, I escaped high school "unscathed," so to speak. It was always in the back of my mind. I had a dream when I was a senior in high school that I was married. I couldn't see who the person was, but I knew his name. And I was crying because I'd found out I was pregnant. I was so scared. In my dream, I remember Mr. Mystery Man telling me that everything would be okay and that we'd get through it fine.

For a girl who doesn't dream on a regular basis and NEVER remembers it, I can still tell you how I felt during that dream and after waking up. I wanted to be strong. I wanted to be happy. But I was scared. And for someone who is decidedly pro-life, my dream self even entertained ending the pregnancy (although I know I wouldn't do that now).

For someone who is fairly young and in decent health, I have seriously considered having my tubes tied. I haven't done it for the simple fact I've not felt the need to push it when I've not been in a serious relationship where I felt pregnancy could become an issue.

I'm creeping toward 30 (I say creeping, since I want to hold off on the big 3-0 for as long as I can ;P ) and as I've gotten older, I've thought more about having a biological child. Until the past 3 or 4 years, I didn't even entertain the idea of having my own child. But being an active part of the D-OC, and having friends who are diabetic and have had children with no problems, I let myself play with the idea a little more.

I don't have many of the health issues that Lee Ann has dealt with, but I share many of her fears. I spent a childhood with semi-decent care (not the best, not the worst). But my teen and young adult years were sketchy at best. I rang in several A1c's that would make any endo cringe. It wasn't until I got out of college that I really took control and made a serious effort to control my diabetes. For a long time, I thought I might have actually been blessed enough to avoid any serious complications from that time in my life. But with the occasional tingling in my feet and my recent eye doctor's visit, I realize that poor care or not, I'm 24 years into a disease that slowly damages every major organ of my body.

Currently, I'm glad that I didn't get my tubes tied when I first decided to. Mostly because I want the option there. But I'm not sure I actually want to have children of my own. And until I'm sure of how I want to do this, I don't want to make any life-altering decisions. My new endo's profile on their website states that she specializes in diabetic pregnancy. And while this comforts me, should the need ever arise, I still am uncertain about how I want to do things.

And I guess I don't need to make any decisions since I'm not even in a relationship at this point in my life. But so many things from Lee Ann's blog resonated with me.

How do you approach NOT having children in a new relationship? While I want to leave the option open, I also don't want to give anyone any false ideas about my becoming a biological parent, when I may chose not to take that route.

Why would I want to cause my body any more damage, risking leaving a child without a mother and a husband without a wife (and a single parent to boot)? Part of that fear may come from having lost an aunt due to uncontrolled T2 diabetes. This left my uncle a single father, and a small child without a mother.

And what if my child developed diabetes? I know you can't control that. To my knowledge, T1 diabetes didn't run in my biological family (although I don't know anything about my biological father). But it is still an increased risk of passing diabetes on. And to be honest with you, I don't know if I could live with the guilt of knowing my child developed diabetes. I had a friend who told me that my adopted child could get diabetes. After all, I did. But at least I would know it wasn't my DNA and my genes that were part of the reason.

Like Lee Ann, I've dealt with many well meaning people who think I've lost my mind. I have a very dear friend who has said to me on several occasions, "You should have at least one of your own. You should experience pregnancy at least once. It is so wonderful." And I'm sure it is. I have several close friends with children. They talk about the wonders of pregnancy. But I may not take that road. Does that make me "weird?" Maybe. Does that make me less of a woman? I don't think so. Because I choose not to have biological children of my own doesn't make me any less of a person. It simply means I've chosen another way.

People make their life choices for a variety of reasons. I've not made a set-in-stone decision at this point. But I believe people should remember that everyone should make the choices that are best for themselves. And that includes whether or not to have a biological child, or even to have children at all.

Mamma Mia!

Theatre Thursday is here again folks! Lately I've been to see several shows, so I should have a Theatre post for the next few weeks in a row.

Back before Christmas my mother and I watched Mamma Mia!, the movie. We both thought it was thoroughly cheesy and we both loved it (If you know us, you'd know that both thoughts are completely possible at the same time...).

Through my wealth of useless knowledge about all things Broadway related, I knew that Mamma Mia! the Broadway touring production was coming to the Tennessee Performing Arts Center (further known at TPAC) in the spring of 2010. Immediately, my mind went to Christmas gifts, and what a great gift it would be to take my mom to see the show.

My mother has never been to New York. She's never seen a Broadway show before. But she spent a lot of time growing up doing plays at school and singing show tunes in choir. In fact, she sang me more show tunes than lullabies when I was a child. She is basically the reason I love musical theatre so much.

After confirming that I could get tickets before Christmas, I knew right away that's what I was going to do. I also purchased the movie, unwrapped it (and let's be completely honest, I watched it, too) and put the tickets inside the DVD case.

She was thrilled when she opened her Christmas present. And I knew that I'd not only get to hang out with my mom (which I don't do nearly enough anymore), but I'd also get to see a show. And what's better than a show? Sharing it with people you love, of course!

This is a few weeks ago now, so I figured it's time for the theatre critic in me to come out. First of all, I'd like to say that both my mom and I, along with a great friend of mine that went with us, had a fantastic time. Second of all, I'd like to say the the show is every bit as cheesy and fantastic as the movie. Actually, a little more fantastic, just because it's live theatre and not a movie.

Mamma Mia! has been on Broadway for several years now. It's currently playing in the Winter Garden Theatre (where Cats was for so many years!). The poster even says "The Global Smash Hit". And it really is global. The show currently has productions in London, New York City (of course), Norway, and Mexico. There is also a North American Tour, an International Tour, a Dutch Tour, a Spanish Tour, and an Australian Tour. Whew! If that doesn't say "Global Smash Hit", I don't know what does.

Now, onto my review:

For those of you who have never seen the movie or the musical, I'll give a brief synopsis. The show is about a young woman, Sophie, who is about to get married. She has been raised by her single mother, Donna, never being told about her father. In her desire to meet her father, she discovers that her mother doesn't even know who it is; there are three possibilities.

So, without Donna's knowledge, Sophie invites all three men to her wedding, hoping to discover who her true father is.

Of course, hilarity ensues, especially upon the arrival of Donna's old friends Tanya and Rosie, and her three ex-beau's, whom she's not seen in twenty years.

Throughout it all, Sophie learns that family is what you make it, and Donna learns that sometimes it's okay to ask for help and that love doesn't always go away.

And the greatest part of the show: every single song is an ABBA song. I wasn't born when ABBA was popular, but like most people (at least people with good taste in music ;)...) I've learned many ABBA songs over the years. And I can assure you that nearly every song that you would know by ABBA is in this show, from the title track, Mamma Mia, to Dancing Queen. There are 22 total songs in the show, and I knew about 80% of them going in.

All the actors and actresses did a good job, but Rachel Tyler, who played the role of Tanya, and Kittra Wynn Coomer, who played the role of Rosie, stole the show. Their comedic timing was impeccable and they were probably the most talented of all the actors and actress in the show.

So, is Mamma Mia! the greatest musical ever written? No way. Not by a long shot. But it's fun, and funny, and is something even a non-musical lover could enjoy, if for nothing more than the songs. There seemed to be a large number of women enjoying the show with friends, especially women who were young during the ABBA reign. And I know that I enjoyed every second of it.

My Adoption Story

I realized, in the past few weeks, that many of you don't know that I'm adopted. Some of you may. It comes up in my conversations (especially when relating to diabetes) quite a bit. Since Elizabeth Arnold, who I've gotten to know on Twitter, and more recently, in her new blog, is adopting, I thought I'd share my story with all of you.

To save on confusion in my story, any reference to mom, dad, or parents refers to my adoptive parents. Any time I am referring to my biological family, I will use the term "birth" or "biological".

My parents met, and were married in southern California. Both had spent a majority of their childhood, and all of their adult life in California. When they married, my dad already had a son from a previous marriage and my mom and dad were unable to have children. My mom wanted a child.

At the time, they were attending Calvary Chapel in Downey, California. Calvary had just started an adoption ministry called House of Ruth. Years later, I would write to the director, Karyn Johnson. She told me I was one of the first adoptions that House of Ruth helped to facilitate.

My mom and dad never hid the fact that I was adopted. I always knew. My mother had a cross-stitched picture that she kept on my wall in my bedroom. I still have it. It was of a mother holding an infant. The poem under it reads:

Not flesh of my flesh

Nor bone of my bone

But still, miraculously, my own

Never forget for a single minute,

You didn't grow under my heart

But in it.

That's how I always felt. My mom and dad told me how special I was. Because they got to pick me. That someone loved me enough to give me to my mom and dad, who could take care of me better and love me more. As a child, that made me feel wonderful.

As I grew older, I learned a more about the story behind my adoption. It's never that simple, is it? When we are children, a child-like terminology can explain it all. As an adult, the story and details behind it make it so much more special.

My parents signed up on a list of adoptive parents through House of Ruth. Shortly after that, my parents moved to Tennessee. My father had spent his early childhood in Tennessee and still had family here. He and my mother moved and began their lives here, while waiting to hear something about a baby.

My mother had prayed and believed that God had promised her a baby girl. But it was 3 years and several let downs before I would enter the picture. And even my entrance was filled with drama. My mom tells me there were several birth mothers who pulled my parents' profile. They would be all excited....up to the point they found out that the baby would be living in Tennessee. I'm not sure, but I think there were people who still believed that there was no indoor pluming here.... and that we never wore shoes. (Totally not true, by the way...I have had indoor pluming my whole life. And we do wear shoes...most of the time ;P )

But my parents kept praying. And my mom kept believing that she'd get her baby girl.

When my birth mother and her family contacted House of Ruth, I believe the fact that I would be far away from California was a positive for them. My parents had little time to prepare for me, if I have it timed correctly in my head. My birth mother was in her 6th month before she told anyone she was expecting.

The the surprise. I came a month early. I was sick. Very sick. When the doctors called my parents, they told my mother not to bother flying to California because I wasn't going to make it. I had a valve in my heart that wasn't working properly. They were flying me from Los Alamitos General Hospital in Orange County, to Long Beach where there was a more capable NICU.

After talking with the doctor, she told him that she'd be on the first plane out of Nashville because God had promised her a baby girl and she wasn't going to lose me now. She said "God's working through your hands, doctor. She'll be okay."

The story goes that the doctor, a known atheist, got on the helicopter and informed the flight nurses that they'd better get a move on because "Ladies, God is apparently working through my hands today. Let's go take care of this baby." My mom said when she finally got to the hospital in California, that all the nurses came out of the back to see "the lady that had made the atheist doctor talk about God." I've always just thought it was a wonderful example of my mother's strong faith in God.

At the hospital, they were trying to use a new drug to get my heart to start working correctly. If that failed, they were going to have to do heart surgery. But the drug worked. I was in an incubator for 17 days. In the hospital for a little longer than that. The picture below is of me at 3 weeks old. The bear next to me was a gift from my birth mother. I still have it. I always thought I was an UGLY baby. My head was HUGE and kind of wrinkly. I think I looked like a little alien. Mom says I was beautiful (of course) and that I grew into myself very quickly.

My parents took me home to Tennessee. I am pretty sure that my mom sent pictures a few times. And when I was 4 years old and diagnosed with diabetes, my mom said she contacted someone to find out if T1 ran in the family. To their knowledge, it didn't.

For a long time, I don't think there was any contact. Then, when I was about 15 or 16, my mom was contacted about my birth mother wanting to meet me. My sister was still a baby, and I wasn't going to go on my own. But by the time I turned 18, we were contacted again. I agreed to go. I spoke with my biological grandmother on the phone and she sent me a collection of pictures of my birth mother, my aunts, their husbands and children. Some were of my birth mother and her sisters when they were younger. It was interesting. I could see myself, somewhat in those pictures.

I started college in the fall of 2000. For my fall break, I flew to Idaho (where the family was now living). It was only my second time on a plane (not counting my flight from California to Tennessee when I was a baby). It was my first time ever flying alone. My dad was a little worried about me going. My mom wasn't. I'll never forget the conversations I had with both of them that day.

That morning, I had a complete melt down. I was terrified. Of what? I'm not sure. I lay in my bed crying. I begged my mom not to make me go. She said to me, "You've blessed my life for 18 years, Cara Elizabeth. I'm your mother. I'll always be your mother. But you need to go be a blessing to these people too."

I went. Willingly. My dad drove me to the airport. This was all pre 9-11, so my dad went with me to the gate. He sat in the chair and didn't say a whole lot. He usually doesn't say a whole lot. But that day he said, "Promise you'll come back. I don't want you to go out there and not come home." All I could do was hug him and let him know I'd be back. I'm my daddy's baby. I had to let him know no one could take his place.

I spent 4 or 5 days with them (I don't remember exactly; it's been 11 years!). Stepping off the plane walking into the arms of the people who I share DNA with was surreal. Over the time there, I met my birth mother, her mother, my two biological aunts, their husbands and 3 first cousins. All along, I found little things (and big things) that were like them. Some things I would have never considered genetic and after meeting them, I think they might be.

I'm a lefty. There were other lefties in the family (although my dad and niece are lefties, too, so that could go w/ genetics, or learned...). There were two teachers (I have a degree in education). My biological grandmother and I had a very similar taste in books and colors. At night, I take a bottle of water, or something to drink w/ me and sit it by my bed. Sometimes I may drink it. Sometimes I may not. But its there if I want it. I found out that everyone in my immediate, biological family does the same thing. In my family, I don't know of anyone who does this.

Overall, my trip was wonderful. I learned so much about my "other" family. It was a fantastic experience in so many ways and is something I will never, ever forget, or regret. I've not been back to visit since, but I stay in contact by phone with my biological mother, and on the internet with other various family members.

Many people have asked if I consider my biological family as part of my family. In many ways I do. But my true family, the family that I will always consider my family is the family who raised me. They took me in willingly. They loved me. They cared for me through this lovely chronic illness we call diabetes. They've continually supported me in everything I've done.

I just happened to be a lucky one. I have two great families. And I love them both.