I have to say the the past several day have not been the best diabetes wise. I have been continually fighting lows or highs. I will have some readings that are great (Like my 2 hr post breakfast of 120 today), but the majority of readings have not been so kind. A couple of nights ago I was waking myself up every 3 hours to check my blood sugar and bolus some insulin. That made for a very sleepy day the next day.
I'm not really sure, to be honest, if it is one of those freak blood sugar times when nothing I do seems to be right, or if I am just slacking on my carb estimations. Could be a little of both I suppose.
I am afraid to download my info from my pump and my meter. I haven't done it in about a week, when I had been downloading every 3 or 4 days. I am just afraid to see what my daily average is.
Could this be the start of diabetes burnout?? I hope not. I want so badly to be a "good diabetic." I really want to get my A1c below 6. Or at least to the low 6's.
I guess I am just flat out frustrated today. Being part of the blogging community, tudiabetes.com, and visiting various message boards helps. But sometimes I think its just not enough. Sometimes I just want to forget I have diabetes. I want to not count every carb I eat & not worry about what my blood sugar is. And not wonder, every time I'm thirsty, if I am just thirsty or if my blood sugar is high. And I am basically just sick of the constant balancing act that is diabetes care.
I understand; It gets old sometimes, doesn't it? Sometimes my BGs get so out of whack & I have no idea why. And I know you get tired of trying to do everything right when sometimes you just know that it isn't going to matter (at least until this weird time passes). It would be nice to be able to forgot it for a while. But we keep plugging along, don't we?
I'm sure things will get better soon. Just hang in there!
Cara - thanks for the support! I am trying to figure out a way to advertise all those Type 1s who have run a 5k, 10k, ridden a bike or done something extreme like an Ironman - so people know about our struggles and that they are possible to overcome. Just keep fighting as you've seen on my blog my bs goes crazy from trying to keep it so low but I take each day as a battle and know if I keep winning small battles I'll win the war.
I spend a lot of time frustrated too. It doesn't help.
What can keep me going is just knowing that it is Ok to back off a little bit sometimes. If I'm feeling burnout it is not going to help to burn even harder (try even harder or feel guilty for not...).
It is also helpful for me to think about the long timers that are around, and think about all that they have seen and lived through.
Stick in there Cara - I know it's tough, and it does suck.
We're here with you!
Thank you for your honesty and writing what we all feel, but sometimes are afraid to admit. Having type 1 diabetes kinda sucks.
P.S. My bloodsugar went from 115 to 46 and 2 days ago I had a waking bs of 115 and after breakfast it was 540! Holy Schnikes, what is wrong!?!? Sometimes they make no sense!
Thanks you guys. You have no idea how great it is to know that you understand. (And to know that someone is reading my constant ramblings!)
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