I love the D-OC. There are so many great people in this community and there have been so many times and so many examples of members stepping up to the plate to help others out, or just doing things for others for no reason.
I was, once again, blessed by another member of our community this week. Colleen, over at Meanderings, sent me a message about a week ago requesting my address and this week, the cutest thing ever showed up in my mail box.
Salt & Pepper shakers... shaped like cupcakes!
Her reason? Just because they reminded her of me. How awesome was that? She's super sweet (no pun intended) and her blog is a great read. So, thanks Colleen! I appreciate it. And the salt & pepper shakers have taken up residence on my kitchen table.
When I was diagnosed with diabetes, I was only 4 years old. At that time, the doctors told my mother and father how lucky we were. How home blood sugar testing was a possibility, when only a few years earlier, it was an impossibility. How needles were smaller and less painful than only years earlier, when syringes were made of glass and needles needed to be sharpened. And how only a few decades earlier, diabetes would have been a death sentence because insulin hadn’t been discovered yet.
In reality, I know how true that was. Even in it’s antiquity, our meters were what we had. Out lancet devices, while barbaric in size and mode, were better than sticking yourself by hand. And I could live a semi-normal life because of insulin and “modern” technology.
Fast forward to 2010. We have insulin pumps, constant glucose monitoring, meters that read in 5 seconds (instead of 2 minutes and several steps). We have better insulin, we know about counting carbohydrates, and insulin to carb ratios. We have social networking. I think about how blessed we are. I think about the children (and adults) that are diagnosed with diabetes now, and how much easier they will be able to care for themselves, physically and mentally. But, the truth remains. Diabetes is with us all the time. Years upon years of stress on our bodies, do wear us down. While we may be healthy (minus the diabetes), we still are considered “disabled” and “chronically ill.”
For the first 20 years of living with diabetes, I was on multiple daily injections. If you looked at me, you couldn’t tell I was a diabetic. Until I whipped out my meter or my syringe, you had no idea that I had a chronic illness. Then, in 2006, I began pumping. I’ve said many times that I wish I’d entered the world of pumping many years before I did. I think it would have made my life and my control much better through college.
My control, and my desire to care for my diabetes were made front and center by pumping, and a year later, by CGMS. It led me to the online community, which has helped me mentally in so many ways, and quite probably kept me out of therapy. I’m so blessed and so thankful to have the technology that I have.
However, there are days that I almost wish that I wasn’t attached to two pieces of medical equipment 24 hours a day. I’m cringing as I type this, knowing that I’d hate it even worse if I didn’t have my pump or CGMS. And knowing that there are people who want the technology, but can’t get it for whatever reason. I feel guilty for typing that. But I can’t deny that it’s true.
Before pumping, my diabetes was with me 24/7, but it wasn’t attached to me all the time. Sometimes, having a pump, and sensor attached to me, it just a blindingly obvious reminder that I have diabetes. As if I could ever forget.
Tomorrow is one of my rare, elusive “free shower” days. I’ll be changing both my infusion site and my sensor on the same day. This happens maybe once a week…if I’m lucky. And for that 20 or so minutes while I’m showering, I’ll go back to looking like I don’t have diabetes. Even though I’m the only person who will see me like that, it will be nice for just a few minutes. And if I ignore the red spots from former sensor sites, and the band-aid “dots” from old infusion sites, I’ll look almost normal.
Who was your favorite baby-sitter as a kid? I could name a couple that I loved. I think every kids has a favorite. However, that's not the kind of baby-sitter that I'm talking about. The baby-sitters I'm talking about are the members of The Baby-Sitters' Club. Anyone remember them?
At first publication, I was only 5 years old. This was the year that I was diagnosed with diabetes. I didn’t read those books at first. But I remember getting my first boxed set of The Baby-Sitter’s Club books when I was around 6 or 7. I didn’t read them at first. I tried, but I think I was too young. They sat in my bedroom for a while. But by the time I was 8 or so, I was ready to read them. And read them I did. Kristy, Mary Ann, Claudia and Stacey became my friends. Later, Dawn, Jessie, Mallory and others joined the group. Each had their own quirky qualities. I related to each of them on some level.
But my favorite baby-sitter? Stacey. Always. Stacey had diabetes. Yup, she was a “juvenile diabetic”. And she was the only one I knew. I read those baby-sitters book until I was in high school. Even though I had out-grown them, I still wanted to read about them. I wanted to know what was happening in their lives.
One thing I loved about Stacey was that she never let diabetes keep her down. There were books that she did get sick. One, in particular, that I remember she started sneaking sweets and not giving insulin. She ended up in the hospital, successfully scaring her friends and her parents to death.
Oh, and Stacey and I shared a middle name. And she was originally from New York City (could that be where my obsession with the city started?). Random facts, but stuff that I remember and loved about Stacey.
I, of course, ended up with first release copies of most of The Baby-Sitters’ Club books. I ended up getting a boxed set of the first 4 or 5 book when I was around 6 or 7. At the time, they were just too much for me to read. They were chapter books. But by the time I'd hit 8ish, I was devouring them like crazy. At one point, I even made my mom enroll me in the mail order club so I could get the books as they came out (and cool other stuff too, like stickers, and bookmarks, and trading cards....I was such an 80s kid).
Even as a kid, I knew that Stacey's diabetes was somewhat mis-portrayed in the books. She was often referred to as a "brittle diabetic" (I won't get into my thoughts on that term...) and she was not able to eat a lot of different foods (sugary foods being at the top of the list). But, when these books were written, things were very different. The year of my diagnosis (and the publication of the books), 1986, was a very different time in diabetes treatment. But as the years went by, the books never really advanced, as far as Stacey's diabetes went.
They did another release years later. I never read the re-release versions of the earlier books, simply picking up on the new books as they came out, so I don't know if they changed anything in the first books that went into detail about Stacey's diabetes.
I think I quit reading the series sometime toward the end of high school. By that time I had advanced in my reading, obviously, but couldn't part with my dear friends in the Baby-Sitters' Club.
I think the books went through a lag period in sales, and Ann M. Martin starting writing some of the books in a new series (kind of a spin-off of the Baby-Sitters' Club). But when I was in college, I noticed that there was a final Baby-Sitters' Club book on sale at Wal-Mart. It was to be the last one ever. I bought it. It celebrated the Club members graduating middle school and moving on to high school. And it was a closure for me, in a way. Sure, the books would always be around. But they had gone on in my mind. They weren't The Baby-Sitters' Club anymore. They had grown up.
I actually hadn't thought about the books in quite sometime. Although, I'm sure if you asked, I could have quoted any of a million random facts about the characters. Then, last weekend, I was in Wal-Mart killing time before heading to a play, when I saw a book with a huge cupcake on the front.
I immediately picked it up. Apparently they are re-releasing the series again. Slightly modernized (kids don't really get perms anymore, and they have modern technology) of course. But I knew by the title, that this was the first "Stacey" book in the series. And I wanted to see if they'd updated anything about Stacey's diabetes. So I bought it.
I knocked it out fairly quickly and was both pleased, and disappointed. The story overall, is exactly as I remember it. The characters are the same. But, Stacey's diabetes remains virtually unchanged. It's vague at best. They talk about her diagnosis (symptoms and the hospital and having to take shots). They talk about controlling her diabetes with insulin and diet. But, again, the story is presented that Stacey can't have refined sugar or junk food. I wasn't too terribly disturbed with that, but later in the story, Stacey returns to New York for a doctor's appointment (her parents are doctor shopping, looking for a "cure") and they stay with friends. During that visit, there is a mention of Stacey keeping her insulin pump out of site.
My first reaction was joy that they mentioned an insulin pump. My second was confusion. Because, up to that point in the story (and it's nearly the end, by this point), there is never a mention made of an insulin pump. Only injections. This could be very confusing for someone who knows nothing of diabetes.
Overall, it makes me want to read the other re-released books, just to see if they address the subject more in depth. Or maybe it's just my nostalgia kicking in. I'm not sure.
Would I recommend this book? Well, I'd say if you were a lover of The Baby-Sitters' Club series as a kid, then go for it. If you are looking for something to share with your kids to actually teach them about diabetes, I'd say get another book.
But Stacey's still my favorite. And she always will be. :)
Am I crazy? Maybe. But I go back to my post on why I love live theatre. You get to be in the same room with some amazing artists. And seeing Liza Minnelli was something I wasn’t going to miss if I could help it.
Next up on the to-do list….find someone to buy my second ticket from me so I have someone to go with me. :)
Also, I have TWO guest posts up right now. Two of our D-OC bloggers are on vacation and I was honored to be able to guest post for them.
I’ve been meaning to post about this for quite sometime. I’m a slacker, I’ll admit it. I even considered not posting about it at all because I waited so long. But then I realized it was too cool a thing to NOT post about. A while back (maybe a couple of months ago), Chris from over at Type 1 Tidbits started a cool blogroll. Being the awesome computer person that he is (blog designer? web designer? graphic designer? I’m not sure what term to use.) he made his blog roll one of a kind. Chris assigned a lot of us superhero counterparts.
Yup. You read that right. We’re superheroes. Diabetic superheroes. Because as Chris (and the rest of us) well knows, we all are diabetic superheroes. It takes a special person to live with diabetes, be it Type 1 or Type 2. It takes an even more special person (in my opinion) to care for someone with diabetes. All of us deal with a great deal every single day. Diabetes doesn’t take a break and neither do we.
Now, I’ll admit my knowledge of all things superhero stops after Batman and Superman. I know. Don’t stone me. But one of my very best friends knows as much about comic books as I know about theatre. And she informed me that my superhero counter part, Shadowcat, is pretty darn cool. Apparently she can walk through walls! How awesome is that?? Anyway, if you haven’t already, I highly suggest you go check out Chris’ blogroll. He has it separated out by Type 1, Type 2 and Type 3 diabetes. My blog is listed on the second page of the Type 1’s. Each individual person’s page has their blog listed, a link to the information on their superhero counterpart, their Twitter handle (if they have one), and their date of acquiring their superhero powers (a.k.a. diagnosis date). And stop by Type 1 Tidbits and leave Chris a comment to thank him for coming up with such an awesome idea.
Last week, in my quest to quench my theatre addiction (hey, cut me some slack, I’ve not seen a show since May!), I attended a local theatre production of Hello, Dolly! at the Cumberland County Playhouse. It’s a little bit of a drive for me, but it’s the closest theatre to my home. It also has good quality productions. When you can’t make it to a professional tour, or to New York and Broadway, this is the place to go. At least if you live around here.
The last show I saw at the Playhouse was about a year ago. When I was checking the current shows, I realized that Hello, Dolly! was playing. Something that most of you don’t know is that Hello, Dolly! was the first play that I can ever remember seeing. I was around 7 or 8 years old and my aunt was in a local theatre production in the Atlanta area. My dad and I were visiting my uncle, aunt, and cousins. I’d never even heard of Hello, Dolly! so my aunt made sure that my cousin and I had a chance to sit down and watch the movie version before I went to the show that night.
Sadly, I was so young, I remembered very little about the story. All I remember is watching my beloved aunt every second to see every move she made on stage. She didn’t have a huge part. She was in the ensemble, if I remember correctly. But all I knew is that my aunt was famous. And I thought it was the coolest thing in the world.
The good part about remembering so little about the story was that seeing the production at the Playhouse last week was like seeing a show for the very first time. I remember a few songs and some bare basics about the story, but other than that, it was a nearly a new story to me. That day I’d had a horrible day at work. I was tired and was slightly regretting buying my ticket to see the show. I really just wanted to go home and go to sleep. But, as I sat there in my seat, my regret and exhaustion began to abate. By the time the house lights dimmed and the first notes of the show began to play, I was grinning from ear to ear.
Quickly, I was lost in turn of the century New York City with a meddling matchmaker and all the insanity came along with her prying ways. Weslie Webster played the role of Dolly Levi with comedy and grace. The real stand-out performer, for me was Mrs. Irene Malloy, played by Nicole Bégué. Ms. Bégué played the role of Mrs. Malloy with just enough cunning to make sure you knew that she was in the market for a husband, but just enough innocence to make her falling in love with Cornelius believable. Her rendition of “Ribbons Down My Back” was truly beautiful.
Cornelius was played by the talented Jason Ross (whom I saw play the role of Edna Turnblad in the Playhouse production of Hairspray), who didn’t fail to give another great comedic performance. Sidekicks to Cornelius and Mrs. Malloy, Minnie Fay and Barnaby were played with over-the-top comedic acting by real life husband and wife team, Lindy and Gregory Pendzick. Thankfully, over-the-top is exactly what these characters needed. Minnie’s childlike demeanor and Barnaby’s youthful ignorance were played well by Mr. and Mrs. Pendzick.
In all things I expected from the Playhouse, the production was fantastic. The singers are talented, the acting was better than anything you’d find anywhere around here, and the staging was quite good. Next up, at the Playhouse is Stephen Sondheim’s A Little Night Music. In a few weeks I’ll make the trek back to the Playhouse to see it. After seeing the show on Broadway just a few months ago, I look forward to seeing a local production of the same piece of work.
As I was doing my morning e-mail check yesterday, I noticed an e-mail from someone I didn't know. Typically I'm paranoid. But there were no attachments, so I opened it anyway. Turns out, I'm glad I did.
The website NursingSchools.net has a blog. And on that, they have a post called 50 Best Diabetes Blogs. They are split up into different categories like Inspiring, News, Men, Women, and Social sites. And I was blessed to be included on this list. I'm was shocked, and truly honored to be in the company of, what I consider, some of the best diabetes blogs out there.
I suggest you go check the list out. On each blog there are links to at least 2 recommended blog posts. There were a few blogs I hadn't discovered yet, so it was a nice resource to have.
The other day I was changing clothes when I noticed that my insulin pump tubing was slightly pinkish. And I freaked out. Completely. My first thought was that I had blood in my tubing. This has never happened to me before, although I have read about it happening to others.
I immediately starting pushing on my infusion site. No pain or irritability. Then I disconnected my tubing from my site and saw that there was no blood showing in the infusion site.
And then it occurred to me.
I wore a red shirt the day before.
And apparently it rubbed off on my tubing, which was running from my arm, through my shirt, to my pocket.
And then I felt like an idiot.
That's my stupid freak out for the week. Anyone else have one?
There are only certain people who can truly understand what it’s like to live with diabetes. Only certain people who can truly understand what it’s like to love someone with diabetes. Only certain people who can truly understand what it’s like to be responsible for someone with diabetes. If you don’t live it, you can never really know.
I’ve been blessed in that I fall into only 1 of these categories. I know what it’s like to live with diabetes. My family and my close friends know what it’s like to love someone with diabetes. And my mom and dad understand what it was like to be responsible for a person with diabetes.
So I dedicate this post to all the people who wake up at 3 a.m to do a blood sugar check on themselves or their child. To the ones who understand that juice isn’t part of a snack, but a low blood sugar treatment. To the people who understand the value of a battery and good health insurance. To the spouses and significant others who see us at our worst, and still love us.
We are truly remarkable people. Each and every one of us. We live life to the fullest. We laugh, we love, we care. We cry together, we share inside jokes, we find things we have in common (OTHER than diabetes). We debate, we agree and disagree. Sometimes we agree to disagree. We fight for each other.
We remind each other that there’s someone out there to talk to. Someone who understands. We give diabetes a voice.
Today is my 300th (is that a word?) post. When I made my way into this world in April of 2007, I had no idea what it would mean to me. Some three years and three hundred posts later I thank God each and every day that I found this place of understanding and acceptance. I’ve made friends with some of the most amazing people in the world. Many I’ve met in real life. Others I am still anxiously waiting to meet. But I know I can call each and every one of you my friends. And for that, I thank you. You are better than any therapy I think I could find.
Thank you for sharing your life with me. Thank you for letting me share my life with you. You’ve blessed me in more ways than you may ever know.
Oh, and you guys are the only ones who will ever totally understand my obsession with bacon and cupcakes. :)
*I'm giving a disclaimer here....this is a semi-depressing post. Sorry ahead of time.*
Diabetes shapes us in so many crazy ways. It becomes a part of us. And even though we may not like it, diabetes can guide the decisions that we make.
I have my degree in elementary education. Due to circumstance beyond my control (i.e. failure to find a job in my field) I am working in social work. I got this job to tide me over until I was able to move into something else. Nearly five years later, I am still working that same job.
I think Allison wrote a post one time about knowing she couldn’t run away as a kid, because she wouldn’t be able to get her insulin. I had that same problem. I thought about running away a few times (for whatever reason, I don’t know. I was a fairly happy kid and didn’t have any real problems with the parentals.) and remember thinking of all the things I’d need.
Then I remember thinking, I’d only be able to be gone as long as my insulin held out. After that, I’d have to come home. And since I couldn’t do it right, I just wouldn’t do it at all. I think that was the first time I ever let diabetes hold me back from something. I don’t like to admit that diabetes sometimes can get in the way of life.
I’ll never be a member of the military. I’ll never fly a commercial jet. In some areas, I could become a police officer or drive an ambulance.
These aren’t things that I ever really wanted to do, so it’s never really bothered me. But diabetes still shapes the decisions I make.
There’s a scene in the movie “Never Been Kissed” that has Drew Berrymore and LeeLee Sobieski’s characters in a café. No one knows, yet, that Drew is really not a high school student. She’s still “the new girl” that LeeLee’s character has befriended. In that scene, Drew’s character asks LeeLee’s character what she wants to be when she grows up. The girl’s eyes nearly glaze over as she lists all the things she wants to do when she grows up. A potter, a painter, a novelist, a professor of medieval literature, and architect…she wanted to go to Northwestern.
The scene starts around 1:00 and is super short if you want to watch it. It's so cute.
Call me indecisive, but I am knocking on the door of 30 and I still don’t know what I want to be “when I grow up.” I have so many things that I love. So many things that I think I’d like to do. Sometimes I feel like LeeLee Sobieski’s character from “Never Been Kissed.”
So here’s my list: I want to write a book I want to open a bakery I want to own my own child care center I want to become a CDE I want to become a theatre critic I want a career in social networking (heck, I do it all the time anyway…) I want to live in New York City with 4 roommates and work 3 part-time jobs while going to pasty school and spending every other free second seeing Broadway shows.
So many of these things are things that I could have done, had I realized my true self at a younger age. But, college called at 18 and erroneously asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I made a choice. One that I always thought was the right one. But growing up makes you change. Life changes you. Your hobbies and interests change.
I feel like 18 is way too early to ask a person what they want to do with their life. Apparently a lot of other people agree with me, since I read that the average person changes jobs around 14 times before they turn 40. Sure, the statistic said that many of those jobs changes occur in the teens and early twenties, but 14 times is still showing that people don’t always know what they want to do with their lives when they are young. I knew. Or I thought I did.
In my fantasy world, I could quit my job and go back to school. I could “start over”. Or just change directions. But, I live in the same world that the little girl that knew she couldn’t run away from home lived in. I can’t run away from my job, because it has fantastic health insurance. I can’t find a new job with great insurance because I don’t have the skills (training, schooling, etc) to get the kind of job that I want.
When you’re a kid with diabetes, your parents present life to you in one of two ways. Either the “You can still do anything” way. Or the “Oh, poor baby, you can’t do anything” way. I grew up with the “You can do anything” type parents. And for the most part it’s been true. But reality always slaps you in the face at some point. And currently, my reality is working in a job that I’m truly thankful for, but I don’t enjoy most of the time. Could I leave? Sure. But how can I walk away from a good paying job with fantastic benefits; the best of which is my fantastic health insurance?
Will I ever do any of the things on my list? I’d like to think so. Writing a book can be done without leaving the job I currently have. Maybe someday I’ll marry someone wonderful who will not only be the love of my life, but will also have great health insurance. Then I can go back to school without worry of living without the life sustaining supplies that I need to be healthy.
But, for now, I stay where I am and keep my ears and eyes open for an opportunity to which diabetes doesn’t stand in the way.
I have expressed my love of music many times. I've also shared my love ofall kinds of music with many of you. I am not terribly picky on music. To me, music is good if it touches a person. Some music touches more effectively than others. Sure, there are some types of music I favor more than others. And some that I try to avoid. But overall, I am a music lover for the sake of the story the music tells and the feelings that music can invoke.
That being said, I've been a semi-fan of Lady Gaga for a while. She's not my favorite, but sometimes there's nothing like a good Gaga song. :) She has made her way onto my Zune and I listen on a fairly regular basis.
On Friday, she was on the Today Show. I didn't see it when it aired, but thanks to the joys of YouTube and the internet, I got to see the performances. And I have to say, I admire her. And she earned top notch respect in my world.
Why? Well, not only does she put on a stellar performance, she also did something that you rarely see a super popular act do. She opened her performance of "Bad Romance" with part of the Gershwin classic "Someone To Watch Over Me".
I have always felt that young people (and even some older people) are way too narrow minded in their taste of music. How many 16 year olds saw that performance and did a Google search on the song? Who knows? But it may just have introduced them to one of the greatest songwriters of all time.
There are performers and then there are people who are true artists. They recognize and respect all kinds of music. They understand that music developed into what it is today with the help of all different types of writers and singers. By performing a piece of a classic with one of her biggest hits, I believe that Lady Gaga paid respect to all types of music.
So, here it is, if you missed it. It was a truly spectacular performance.
On Saturday I decided to make some serious changes to my basal rates. I did it because I feel like I am still fighting highs all the time. I spike after breakfast and around 4 in the afternoon. I feel like I'm chasing highs on a regular basis and I haven't been having lows very often. Not that no lows is a bad thing....it's just that I think I'd be having more if my blood sugars were more stabilized around the levels that I want them to be.
I was hesitant to make changes at first, but I downloaded all of my pump data into Carelink and that was what prompted me to make some changes. Basically, for a while, I am going to be playing trial and error. If I can't get something figured out in the next couple of weeks, I am going to be contacting my doctor to see what changes she would suggest. I have an appointment with my nurse practitioner and my nutritionist in late August, but I don't really want to wait until then to get things back where I think they should be.
This just goes to show you what an individual disease diabetes is. With most illnesses, doctors make all the calls. What medicine to give, and when. How to change dosages and times. But with those of us who live with diabetes everyday, sometimes a call to our doctor isn't something that can be done for a change. Sometimes it a decision that we make based on the data that we have. And it's good data. It's all the same data that a doctor would have. And since we are living it every day, we can sometimes catch things that a doctor or CDE might not catch. Like that high might be because we ate something we didn't give the proper insulin for. Or that low that came because we were outside in the heat for an extended period of time. Or that spike that we see happening all the time because we deal with it everyday.
I'm not a scientist, or a doctor. I'm not even that great at math. But using the data I have, I turn into a doctor and a statistician. I evaluate, and observe, and gather more data. And then I make decisions. Maybe they'll be the right ones. Maybe not. But just like anything else, we have to tweak those numbers to get the end result that we want.
So, starting today, we'll see what happens. I'll be packing around extra juice boxes, just in case. And I might even be glad to see a low (as long as it's not a bad one, of course).
It's been proven over and over again, in study after study, that the poor are the most unhealthy people in our country, on average. Not because they are underfed. A look at the obesity rates of Americans will tell you we are all FAR from underfed. But from study after study, it has been shown that the worse your economic status, the less healthy you eat. Obesity runs higher in this group than those who are in a higher economic group.
I have lived my entire life in a very economically depressed area. And even though I never went without, we never had much to spare when I was growing up. When you live in an area that is very economically depressed, you don't see health food stores. People survive on white bread and processed foods. The dreaded High Fructose Corn Syrup... that's part of every day life.
As I've gotten older, I've begun to eat healthier. For one reason, I know that I am overweight. For another, I had high cholesterol. Also, I was introduced to foods that are healthy....and discovered I liked them.
But I still live in said economically depressed area. Which makes finding healthy food a difficulty. But, an hour and a half away, in Knoxville, I have discovered a health food store. I only get there about 3 times a year, but when I do, I always spend more money than I should.
The first time I entered Earth Fare, I was blown away. There was so much stuff that I'd never seen before. So many things that, even if I had seen them before, were so hard to find in my town that I never even bothered trying.
In fact, prior to my first trip to Earth Fare, I thought all mozzarella cheese looked like this:
When in fact, it actually looks like this:
Shocker. Who knew?
Believe me, finding real mozzarella cheese in my town: NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
Also, mango. I'd had mango before. And mango flavored things. I love mango. But, once again, finding it in my town....yeah. Not happening.
But, when I get the chance to go, I come back with such wonderful things. Food you can't find around here. This past weekend I came home with mango, spinach manicotti, real mozzarella, 2 kinds of cheddar cheese, some bread, and some other things that I can't remember right now.
So, for a day or two (or maybe a little longer) I get to eat the way I'd like to eat.
Oh, and Kelly, I found something in Earth Fare just for you... a kids coloring table with this sign on it:
Lately I've not written about my diabetes as much as I was. Mostly because diabetes has been knocking me around. Giving me up and down the road, so to speak. I shared a little with you all a few weeks ago, and I actually thought, after that, things were going to get back to normal.
But, it turns out that I'll have a normal couple of days and then get right back to the crazy highs. Chasing, chasing, chasing, all the time.
And with that, comes frustrations on my part, which makes me just "give-up". Basically, I'm not as careful as I should be with carb counts, eating healthy, etc, just because I'm frustrated. So it turns into this vicious cycle.
I feel like I'm constantly chasing highs and I have so few lows that it's freaking me out. And then I check my 31 day average on my pump. And they aren't that bad. Both my blood sugar average and my sensor average are in the mid 140s. Which is a little higher than I'd like, but nowhere near as bad as I feel like I've been. And the number falls right in line with the A1c's I've been having.
So I'm confused. Am I really that out of control right now? Or is it all my imagination?
Until about 2 years ago, I had never even heard of the wonder that is Nutella. A friend of mine who travels frequently had discovered it years ago and introduced me. I loved it. I didn't keep it around because it is so hard to find in a small town in the south where most people have never heard of it.