Thursday, May 29, 2008

Nick Jonas

This article was taken from June 2008 People Magazine Special Collector's Edition. I did not write this and give full credit to People Magazine.

'Little' Secret
The Inspiration Behind Nick's Song

When the third Jonas Brother album, A Little Bit Longer, coming out this summer, we asked Nick to give us the inspiration behind the title track (see lyrics, right), which he wrote in the middle of filming the upcoming Disney Channel movie Camp Rock with his brothers.

A LITTLE BIT LONGER "It's actually a song that has to do with diabetes," says Nick. "We were up in Canada filming Camp Rock. It was one of those day where my blood sugar was a little out of control, and I was kind of bumming. I walked by this room in the hotel we were staying at, and it was so weird-all of the sudden there was this big ballroom with a piano in it. It was like a scene out of a movie. So I went in there, sat down at the piano and wrote the song. Later on I played it for the cast, and they all loved it."

Got the news today
But they said I had to stay
A little bit longer
And I'll be fine
When I though it'd all been done
When I thought it'd all been said
A little bit longer
And I'll be fine
But you don't know what you got
Till it's gone
And you don't know what it's like
To feel so low
Every time you smile or laugh
you glow
You don't even know
No no
You don't even know
All this time goes by
Still no reason why
A little bit longer
And I'll be fine
Waitin' on a cure
But none of them are sure
A little bit longer
And I'll be fine
But you don't know what you got
Till it's gone
And you don't know what it's like
To feel so low
And every time you smile or laugh
you glow
You don't even know
No no
Two, three, four!
And you don't know what you got
Till it's gone
And you don't know what it's like
To feel so low
And every time you smile or laugh
you glow
You don't even know
So I wait till kingdom come
All the highs and lows are gone
A little bit longer
And I'll be fine
I'll be fine

I tried to embed the video from YouTube, and it kept coming up a broken link, so here's the web site to the video. I highly suggest you go watch it. A Little Bit Longer by the Jonas Brothers/Nick Jonas

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Grieving and Diabetes

Grief is a very normal process that everyone goes though at some time in his or her life. People grieve after they experience the loss of a person close to them. Sometimes it is after the loss of a home in a disaster. Some people experience grief after a life altering event.
Illness is also a time when people experience grief. I've often heard about people going through the stages of grief after being diagnosed with cancer or some other life altering illness, whether it be terminal or not.
Being diagnosed as a very young child, I don't believe I experience the stages of grief in connection with my diabetes until I was much older. In fact, it was after I got out of college and got my first job that I really felt like I dealt with my grief with my diabetes.
I have noted before that I remember very little of my life before diabetes. I was only 4 when I was diagnosed, so in most ways, diabetes has just always been. It's always been present. It's always been a part of my life. And diabetes has always been in my mind, my life, and almost every aspect of my life.
Until I was out of college, I don't ever remember being mad about having diabetes. I had times when it annoyed me, sure. But I don't ever remember that anger that is deep and hot and burns you on the inside. When I got my first job I realized, in many ways, how far reaching my diabetes truly is.
Every job I ever take has to have health insurance considered. I will most likely never be a stay-at-home mom, or have the job I have always wanted (to own a day care center). I will always have to interview my employers about their health coverage and their policy on sick days, eating while at work, and taking necessary breaks.
When I realized this late in 2004, it made me very sad and very very angry. I always knew these things, but the reality of them hit me very hard during this time in my life. By early 2005 I knew I was going to loose my job teaching (my contract wasn't renewed). I couldn't work in child care anymore because most child care centers are individually owned and do not offer health insurance.
During this time I was also trying to take the driver's seat as far as my diabetes control was concerned. I had ignored it or just done what was absolutely necessary for far too long and I knew I hate to start doing everything I could to ward off the effects of many years of living with diabetes.
The stress of it was nearly more than I could handle. During this time I had great friends who helped me out. One friend in particular listened to me as I cried and wondered "Why me?". She supported me and loved me and gave me some great advise during this time in my life. **side note: this was way before I discovered the online world of the diabetes OC**
After some soul searching and some poetry writing (what I tend to do when stressed out) and many pity parties for myself, I took control of myself and my diabetes and began to deal with what life had handed me some 20 years earlier. A couple of years later I discovered the diabetes OC and websites like that helped me connect with other people and helped me find ways to emotionally deal with the stresses of diabetes.
I wonder what my life would have been like had I been diagnosed later in life. At 12, or 17, or 21. Would the grieving process have happened earlier? Later? I'm not sure.
I'd really like to hear from others and when and how they dealt with the grieving process of having diabetes. I know there are others who have gone through similar situations and I would like to know how it effected you.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Doctors, Vacation, and Birthdays!

I had an endo appointment this morning. Got the new script for One Touch strips for my new Ultra Link meter! I switch from BD effective tomorrow afternoon. Yay!

My A1c was down to 6.3. Ties for my lowest ever. I had it that low once before. I'm still shooting for below 6. I think I can do it. CGMS has helped greatly.

The bad news is that I am pretty sure that my insurance company is going to STOP PAYING for my sensors! I just put in another order and I am going to stop wearing them all the time because I want to stretch them out in case I have to start paying out of pocket.

There's no way I can afford $175 per month (that's saying I average 6 days on a sensor) for these things. I just can't do it. I'm poor.

Apparently there's "not enough scientific data" to support them paying for them right now. I don't know a lot about scientific data, but I do know my A1c has dropped by 0.4 in the 2 months that I've been on the sensor. And it has caught nighttime lows many, many times that I might not have caught otherwise. I live alone, this gets a little scary.

It has also caught numerous day time lows (and highs) that I don't feel because, in the words of my diabetes educator, I've got a short circuit after so many years of diabetes.

So just pray with me and for me that the big money insurance company will see the error of their ways and decide that they need to keep paying for these things.

I am off tomorrow on a vacation. I am actually staying in the town that I live in, but am going camping and horseback riding with my best friend and her family. I am so excited! It's a long weekend and I have 3 days off. What's not to love about that?

Also, my birthday is on Monday. It's almost always on Memorial Day weekend. This year it feel on the day. I am turning 27. Not so old, some may say. Some days it feels older than others. Today it feels like it will be a good year.

Also, a side note. For all those of you who posted comments on my last blog entry, thank you. Your words mean so much to me. I always know you will understand and know just the thing to say. Mostly because you live this life too.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Cara: iRobot

One thing I will assure you all that I will not discuss on my blog is my personal life. It's just one aspect of my life that I rarely talk about to anyone I know. I will say this: I don't have much of one. I never dated in high school. I only casually dated in college. Due to this, my dating experience is severely limited.

Some days I feel like a robot. Really. I am attached to a machine 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Then, a few months ago, I began to use the CGMS system. I wear it pretty steadily. Although I do take a few days off here and there.

Add all this together and you get....

Cara : iRobot

The past couple of months I have seriously questioned myself. As a woman, I think we all want to feel beautiful and attractive. (I'm pretty sure guys want to feel attractive too.) But there are times when I just think, how is being attached to two different electronic machines attractive??

I'm a borderline robot. And it's just strange.

Don't get me wrong, I am extremely grateful for the technology to help me control my diabetes to the best possible degree. Technology has helped me drastically improve my health care. My chances of complications after 23 years of diabetes are greatly reduced because I can keep my blood sugars under control and closer to non-diabetic levels.

But that doesn't stop me from wanting to be beautiful. And from feeling like a freak of nature and unattractive at times because I am.... Cara : iRobot.
Thankfully, I have wonderful friends in the Diabetes OC that help me know that I am beautiful in spite of my diabetes. Kerri, over at SixUntilMe is on her honeymoon with her wonderful husband Chris. Donna at Donnabetes has been married for years to her wonderful husband who loves her in spite of her diabetes. Amy at Diabetes Mine, Bernard at Bernard's Diabetes Blog, Hannah at Dorkabetic, and the list goes on and on.

So mentally, I know that I am not weird and that there is the chance of someone finding me attractive in spite of my diabetes. But it doesn't stop my "girl-mind" from occasionally getting away with me and making me feel the way I do.

Thursday, May 15, 2008


I was tagged by Donna, over at Donnabetes. Bless her. Now I have to find 6 people. Yikes!


Once you’ve been tagged, you have to write a blog with 10 weird, random, facts, habits or goals about yourself. At the end, choose 6 people to be tagged, list their names & why you tagged them. Don’t forget to leave them a comment saying “You’re it!” & to go read your blog. You cannot tag the person that tagged you, so since you’re not allowed to tag me back; let me know when you are done so I can go read YOUR weird, random, facts, habits and goals.

1. I like to eat my food from smallest to largest. Little, broken chips first, whole chips last.

2. I've always wished I could be on Broadway. A nice dream, but probably never gonna happen.

3. I am hoping to travel to Europe someday. Also may never happen, but I can dream, right??

4. One day I hope to finish cleaning out my "spare" bedroom. I have to get rid of stuff and actually turn it into a bedroom. Someday....

5. I have the goal of loosing 20 pounds. Doesn't everyone say that? But really, I will. Someday.

6. I have a horrible sense of direction. Really. I can travel the same road a million times and I might still get lost. I can't give directions either.

7. I just nearly can't live without my Diet Pepsi. Donna has her Diet Coke. I have my Diet Pepsi.

8. I have a goal to someday own my own home. I want to be able to decorate the way I want, paint the way I want, and be able to go HGTV crazy on my living quarters. Sadly, I can't do that when renting.

9. I have a fantasy that all of my friends and family will live in the same town. I call it a fantasy cause I know it will never happen. It's a weird thing to want, but I do.

10. I love getting mail! Not e-mails or text messages, or myspace messages. Just plain ol' stamp on a letter in the mailbox mail. It makes me smile.

So, I am off now to find 6 more people to tag. Wish me luck.

I ran out of people at 5... Sad, I know. Sorry.
I picked Vivian because she's practically my neighbor, even though we've never met.
I picked Jillian because she's always lots of fun. And she's very honest.
I picked Kelly cause she makes me laugh.
I picked Naomi because she's practically one of my best friend's neighbors.
I picked Araby62 because she shares my love of all things 80s.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008


I took my CGMS off today, after my customary 6 day run. And nearly the entire 6 days was off. It was rarely right. That is unusual. I typically have close readings about 90% of the time. Not so with this past run. I know it was probably just a bad sensor, but it can be kind of frustrating at times.

I left it out today and plan to start over again tomorrow or Friday. Wish me luck. :)

My insulin intake is still averaging more than I would like it to, but I see the doctor next Thursday, so maybe we will make some adjustments that will help. I hate the thought of taking more insulin, but whatever I have to do to keep my blood sugars in check I will do.

On a side note, my baby sister (who's not really a baby anymore since she just turned 12) sang in her county wide singing contest and got 1st place for the sixth grade. She's so talented (and I don't just say that cause she's my sister). I am so very proud of her.

Sorry such a short post, but there's not really been a whole lot going on of late in my life, so I am just taking advantage of the peace. I don't expect it to last too long.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

My Mother

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. As most all of us know. It's supposed to be a special day to celebrate all our mother means to us. Sadly, the flowers I sent my mother cannot begin to express my thankfulness for her and her role in my life.

Three years before I was born my mother and father went to the House of Ruth adoption ministry and began to fill out paperwork to adopt a child. My mother prayed for years. During their wait, my mom and dad moved from California (where the agency was located) to Tennessee, where I have grown up and lived my entire life.

Months before my parents were paired with my birth mother, they got word that there was a woman who wanted them to have her son. If I'm not mistaken, then even began some of the paperwork. But as soon as the lady found out her child would be living in Tennessee, she backed out. For this, I am thankful to God and to this woman.

My parents went through a great deal to get me. When I was born, I was a month early and in serious health. The doctors who called to tell my mother that I was in the world, also told her not to bother coming to California to get me because I wasn't going to make it. My heart had a valve that was malfunctioning.

My mother told the doctor that she would be on the next plane out of Nashville because I was going to live and because she'd prayed for three years for a baby girl and I was going to be fine; that God would work through his hands and I would live.

This doctor was a known atheist. He went to get on the helicopter that was flying me to a better facility and told them that I would make it because, apparently, in his words, God was going to work though his hands.

When my mother got to the hospital, the nurses all wanted to meet the woman who had made this doctor say something about God.

And with the good Lord's help, and the medicine that wasn't supposed to work, I was able to be okay. I didn't even need surgery. And after 17 days in a incubator, I was able to function and be normal.

That was a hurdle that my mother didn't bargain for. She didn't have to take me. The adoption wasn't final. She could have stayed in Tennessee and not come to get me. That would have been acceptable to most, I think.

But they didn't. She didn't. They brought me home to Tennessee. And I lived with them for years. And then diabetes came to knock on our door.

As an infant and toddler, I never wanted to suck on a pacifier. Mom always said I would spit it right out. Suddenly, around late 3, early 4, I began to suck on my middle and ring finger of my left hand. Like a child would suck on their thumb. Then I started wetting the bed at night. Something I hadn't done since I was potty trained. And then I would have nightmares. Actually, night terrors, where I would wake up seeing things in my bed that weren't there.

My mother thought I needed a shrink. She took me to the doctor. Turns out, there was no need for a shirk. Diabetes had just come into our world.

Everything changed for her after that. For me too. I can't imagine the terror and fear and sadness that a mother faces when her child is diagnosed with diabetes. Sure it's treatable. But so scary. And at the time (1985) there were still many many misconceptions about the disease. Even more than now.

I've thought, throughout the years, that my mother didn't bargain for this. She adopted a child that was supposed to be her little perfect girl. She didn't count on a lifetime of medical bills, doctor's visits and constant worry about her child.

I read a poem once that said it takes a special woman to be the parent of a diabetic child. Sometimes I think that's why I was adopted. God knew that I needed my mom. And that she needed me.

My mother isn't perfect. She'd be the first one to tell you that. She hasn't always made the right decisions or choices. But she's always been there for me. I've always known that I was her number one priority and that I could go to her with anything. In many ways, she's like my best friend. And I thank her for that.

So no present, or bouquet of flowers, or any word could ever convey to the world how much my mother means to me. But I hope, that I can give her just a small idea of how wonderful I think she is.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom. I love you.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

What Do I Do Now?

My best friend got engaged in January of 2007. She got married last Saturday. That translates to 16 months of "wedding" going on. It was a nearly constant topic of conversation. More so in the past several months as the wedding got closer and closer. The past two weeks were wedding 24/7.

Now it's over. And I'm not quite sure what to do with myself. I have other stuff going on and other stuff to do, but I almost feel like I have nothing to do since this big thing is now over. I can't imagine how I would feel if it was my wedding!

I am very glad it is over. The stress level plummeted in the days after the wedding. I am exhausted and am just now catching up on all my sleep. I'm not complaining by any means, but I do have to say that I am trying to figure out what to do with myself now.

I feel like I am trying to find a little bit of myself again. The sad part is that I have this crazy desire to call my friend and I can't because she is on her honeymoon. I think I want to call her so bad because I know I can't. You know, like when your nose itches when you have your hands covered in dirt.

I have many more things going on in this month of May. Another wedding (of a family member), Mother's Day, my own birthday and vacation. So I have lots to do and lots more to keep me busy. But even so, I feel kind of empty.

I know this post wasn't diabetes related, but I felt like I needed to get it off my chest and sometimes the diabetes OC is the best place to vent.

Thank you for all you do!

Monday, May 5, 2008

Diabetes in the News

It seems that in the past week diabetes has been all over the news. So much so that I felt I needed to post on the various articles. Many of you in the diabetes OC have already read and posted on these articles. But there are so many that I am going to give a brief run down and post some of my own thoughts on these articles.
First, last week I read this title: Study: Pregnant Women With Pre-Existing Diabetes Doubles. This article was basically a localized study that did not distinguish what type of diabetes the women had. In the article is stated that such pregnancies were very high risk and should be planned. This study did not show how many of these pregnancies were planned either.
Here are my thoughts on this: How do they know that the pregnancies weren't planned? Could the increase in diabetic pregnancies be from the increase in diabetics in general?
None of these things were addressed in this story, so I'm not sure. I do know that before the past couple of years, I have always said that I didn't want children; that I wanted to adopt. This was for numerous reason. I don't really like to get into them, especially now, when my thoughts on pregnancy change on a weekly basis. Maybe now, that more women are seeing successful pregnancies, other diabetics aren't as concerned about pregnancy.
Second article: Denver Broncos quarterback Jay Culter has been diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. I hate to hear that there has been another added to our ranks. It makes me sad. Yet, in spite of all of this, his coaches, and he are continuing to say that this is not the end of his career. This gives hope to others who think that diabetes may limit them in what they can do. So, let us wish Jay Culter luck as he joins our ranks and the ranks of us pumpers. It is with a heavy heart that I welcome you to our world.
Third article: FDA study: Insulin pumps linked to injuries, deaths in teens. I got to work this morning and read this on a news site. I nearly stroked out! The FDA looks at such a limited area in this study that they are pulling out the bad instead of looking at the overall benefits of insulin pumps. Any time you deal with medications of any kind, you are looking at the possibility of adverse affects. This is just standard. You deal with this also with a machine, that always has the chance of breaking, no matter how good it may be. It's not perfect. Add in teenage hormones and the sometimes lax care of diabetes (I went though it too!) and you can have children that are injured or die. But this can go with adults also. Instead of giving a well rounded report, this gives a very narrow look at one aspect of insulin pumps. And it allows the general public to have a negative idea about insulin pumps and diabetics in general. I also think that it might give a negative idea to parents of diabetics or diabetics who might be considering the pump, and haven't made their decision yet.
Fourth article: Government Report Answers Who Lives, Who Dies in Flu Pandemic. In regards to this article, it was a guideline of sorts that was set out by a task force of government and medical professional in the case of a widespread flu pandemic. In the case of this, it could be a bad thing for some diabetics. Here were the guidelines of who would not receive treatment if treatments were not widely available:
— People older than 85.
— Those with severe trauma, which could include critical injuries from car crashes and shootings.
— Severely burned patients older than 60.
— Those with severe mental impairment, which could include advanced Alzheimer's disease.
— Those with a severe chronic disease, such as advanced heart failure, lung disease or poorly controlled diabetes.
There's the big diabetes word. The one thing that gives me comfort is the fact that I have pretty good control of my diabetes. My A1c has been below 7 for some time now and I have no longstanding complications from my almost 23 years with this disease.
I guess this is a good kick in the tail for those who don't take care of themselves. This could be something that might make someone take control. Let's hope so anyway.
Now, we all know that we may go another 6 months before this much about diabetes makes the news. But this past week or so has been so full of this that I have been surprised.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Spray Tanning and My 100th Post

Today I went to get a spray tan. Cause of the whole wedding thing. And I have learned a new thing for all you ladies that are pumping and want to get a spray tan. I timed my site change so that I could rip it out right before getting the tan, and the put the new one in right after.
The tan turned out great. I got back to the vehicle and put the new site in, no problems. Then we went to Old Navy to do a little shopping. In the Old Navy, I decided I wanted to try on an outfit. When I got into the dressing room and took off my shirt, the site was just laying there. Not attached to me at all. I didn't rip it out. I would have felt that. It had just fallen off.
Apparently, spray tan and sticky don't get along. Luckily, I had my emergency set that I carry in my purse and I could change it quickly. Before I put the second site in, I used and alcohol pad to prep the site (while successfully removing all the tan from that small area of my body) and had no more problems.
So ladies, if you get a spray tan, do one of two things, leave the site in and just disconnect. Or use an alcohol pad to prep the site before you put the new one in.
By the way, this is also my 100th post. I wondered if I'd ever get here.