Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Arguing with Myself

The past few days have been crazy for me. Starting Saturday, I have done nothing but fight with my blood sugars.

I have not had a single low. I've been fighting highs. Some even over 350. This is so uncommon for me. Especially since I have been on CGMS.

In fact, getting a number that's close to 150 has been a huge thrill for me. Just to see something below 200 has been wonderful.

I go to get blood work done this week for my endo appointment on Tuesday. I know these numbers are going to screw everything up. I know when my endo downloads all my information that he is going to yell at me. Well, he doesn't really yell, but it's his equivalent of yelling.

I also know the problem. I haven't been counting my carbs well. Or eating the "good" carbs that I know are kind to my blood sugars.

So instead, I have been arguing with myself.

"Don't eat that cereal! God, why did you even buy it?? You know what it does to your blood sugars."

"And TORTILLA CHIPS??? Are you CRAZY? You can't stop with 1 oz, you know that!"

"How many carbs are in that Amish bread your co-worker brought???? 40 you say? Yeah right! More like 70!"

And for this, I have been paying. I know what I need to do, but I don't want to do it for some reason. Right now, I just want to scream and yell and not be a diabetic.

I want to not feel like crap right now. I want my blood sugars to stay between 70 and 140 all day long. I want to not worry about what I'm eating.

I guess I'm just a little frustrated with diabetes right now. I want it to do what I want, but I don't want to do the work.

So, right now, I'm arguing with my "good" self and my "bad" self.

The good me says, "A piece of low carb toast and an egg is what you want for breakfast."

The bad me says, "Oh, you're late for work already! Eat the cereal."

And unfortunately, right now, the "bad" self is winning.


George said...

Oh Cara I know what you mean. I just checked my BG and its 315 because I decided instead of baby carrots a several fist fulls of trail mix were the better way to go. Trail mix with M&M's!

Bad George!

meanderings said...

Ummm, don't feel so bad. I think we all need a break every now and then.

Cara said...

George- Trail mix....yummmmm. :) And then we pay for it. Sigh. But I'm glad to know I'm not the only one.
Colleen-I go through this every so often; it's just bad cause it's so close to my endo appointment. :) Why, oh why can't my timing be better???

Karen said...

I had Mexican food last night. And I ate much much more than one ounce of the tortilla chips. Tonight I made cheeseburgers. Real ones, not turkey burgers. And they had bacon. And I had more bacon on the side.

That's just the way it goes sometimes. We are human - we can't be "good" all the time. I don't even think we'd want to be - it isn't much fun. So cut yourself a little slack. Bolus an adjustment for those highs. Go ahead and splurge, but try to be more honest about counting the carbs and bolus for it. And decide to eat better tomorrow (or next week . . . )

Donna said...

I've been doing this a lot lately, too, Cara. Maybe it's the time of year or something.

Oh I LOVE cereal, too! And I want it once in a while even though I know it's not a good choice for me. But sometimes I just have to have it.

Colleen is right. Sometimes we all just need a little break.

I'm with George. I would have chosen the trail mix with M&Ms over the baby carrots, too. :)

k2 said...

Cara -

Cereal is a guilty pleasure we all have.

Now, "get on your with your bad self," & stop referring to yourself as bad. Your human girl!
Monitor your sugars often,try and throw some protein into your daily carb mix, and remember, sh*t happens!
So does diabetes ;)

Scott K. Johnson said...

Yep, that internal fight is a bear.