The Plan to Fix the Problem

So the past 6 to 8 months have been somewhat of a struggle for me. I've been laying down on the job, so to speak. Diabetes burnout takes many forms, but for me it's been nagging and ongoing in a way that I'm done dealing with.

As most of you know, my blogging has taken a back seat to other things in my life. My time on twitter (at least my "diabetes" account) has been less and less. This is an outward sign of what's been going on my in my head for a while.

I don't really feel like dealing with diabetes. I do it. I wear my cgms and my insulin pump. I count carbs (most of the time). I test. I keep juice w/ me in case of a low. I don't mess around. HOWEVER, I've been paying less and less attention to the little things. It's like I went from micro managing to just....managing.

Sure, you can survive on managing. You can stay out of the hospital. Stay relatively healthy. But is it good enough? Not for me. And it's time to stop.

My kicker happened this week. I had an appointment at my diabetes clinic with my nurse practitioner. They did my a1c again. And for the second time in 12 months, my a1c was over 7. I don't like to compare numbers. I don't like to make people feel bad (or feel bad myself). But for me, 7 is my stop point. Since I started pumping insulin 6 years ago I've had only 3 a1c results that were 7 or above. Like I said, this isn't to make anyone feel bad, but this is MY standard (remember that your diabetes may vary).

After having a very successful meeting with my nurse practitioner, we made a plan. My biggest problem of late has been depending too much (sometimes always) on my cgms, instead of confirming with blood sugar checks. Another large problem is snacking or eating and bolusing (or SWAGing) on what was on my cgms, instead of testing.

Solution: a temporary hiatus from cgms. Mostly to force myself to test my blood sugar more. Yesterday was my first day without cgms. I usually have a day here and there that I go without. Today though was my bigger test (no pun intended). Day two without cgms.

Since I'm more out of practice with regular testing of my blood sugar (not just before meals), I've set several alarms on my insulin pump to remind me to test. It's helped me. Last night, I set my phone to alarm me around 2:30 am so I could do a middle of the night test. Tonight, I'll do it again.

I live alone and I FULLY believe that cgms can save lives, including my own. But much like it can save my life, I also believe that it can be a downfall, if used incorrectly. And that's what I've chosen to go off of my cgms for a little while. At this point, I'm only thinking a few weeks. Maybe around two or three weeks.

At that point, perhaps I'll find myself less reliant on my cgms for major information, and more used to having it used for the reason it was intended: to show me trends and warn me before lows and highs so that I can test and treat accordingly.

So, I ask for your help. Send prayers for me, since living alone with diabetes can be scary at times, and even more scary without cgms. And send me strength to put myself back where I need to be so that I can go back on my cgms AND get my a1c back in the range that I feel most comfortable in.

My favorite part about my appointment at my diabetes clinic, however, was a quote on the wall in the nurse's office. A quote that I believe all of us should live by and that I've taken to heart when dealing with this time in my diabetes life:

Never discourage anyone...who continually makes progress, no matter how slow. - Plato

I think we should all live by this quote, as well as all of our health care providers. The fact that this was on the wall of my diabetes clinic lets me know that they are NEVER going to berate me for my current status in my health, but will only encourage me to work harder.