Monday, May 19, 2008

Cara: iRobot

One thing I will assure you all that I will not discuss on my blog is my personal life. It's just one aspect of my life that I rarely talk about to anyone I know. I will say this: I don't have much of one. I never dated in high school. I only casually dated in college. Due to this, my dating experience is severely limited.

Some days I feel like a robot. Really. I am attached to a machine 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Then, a few months ago, I began to use the CGMS system. I wear it pretty steadily. Although I do take a few days off here and there.

Add all this together and you get....

Cara : iRobot

The past couple of months I have seriously questioned myself. As a woman, I think we all want to feel beautiful and attractive. (I'm pretty sure guys want to feel attractive too.) But there are times when I just think, how is being attached to two different electronic machines attractive??

I'm a borderline robot. And it's just strange.

Don't get me wrong, I am extremely grateful for the technology to help me control my diabetes to the best possible degree. Technology has helped me drastically improve my health care. My chances of complications after 23 years of diabetes are greatly reduced because I can keep my blood sugars under control and closer to non-diabetic levels.

But that doesn't stop me from wanting to be beautiful. And from feeling like a freak of nature and unattractive at times because I am.... Cara : iRobot.
Thankfully, I have wonderful friends in the Diabetes OC that help me know that I am beautiful in spite of my diabetes. Kerri, over at SixUntilMe is on her honeymoon with her wonderful husband Chris. Donna at Donnabetes has been married for years to her wonderful husband who loves her in spite of her diabetes. Amy at Diabetes Mine, Bernard at Bernard's Diabetes Blog, Hannah at Dorkabetic, and the list goes on and on.

So mentally, I know that I am not weird and that there is the chance of someone finding me attractive in spite of my diabetes. But it doesn't stop my "girl-mind" from occasionally getting away with me and making me feel the way I do.


k2 said...

just so you know, some guys are REALLY into robots and find the the whole pump hardware thing both interesting and sexy ;)
And if they are put off by your pump and cgm, they are worth your time. everybody has "something," be it diabetes, allergies, or stupidity. diabetes is not a deal breaker, but stupidity is.

life is full of great people who will like and love you for you. you just need to go out and meet them.

icara - you rock!!

AmyT said...

You are woman. You are robot. You are beautiful. From your friends in the OC :)



Vivian said...

Cara- I think we all feel this way sometimes, even when we aren't attached to hardware. The good news is that there is definitely a perfect someone just for you.
Beauty can not be hidden by hardware anymore than it can be hidden by a little extra weight or a bad haircut.=) Your someone will see past all of the things that make you self conscious and only see the wonderful, beautiful person you are. Hang in there neighbor, those special people seem to pop up when you're not looking, mine did.
Big Hugs!

k2 said...

OK - What I meant to say was "If they are put off by your pump and your cgm, they are NOT worth your time.

Donna said...

Cara - You are such a beautiful, giving person & I'm sure God has someone special for you. God has a plan for all of us & the man He is preparing for you must be pretty special, too.

BTW, I read my husband what you wrote about us and this is what he told me. He said it's not my diabetes & my pump & meter that bug him, it's my OCD stuff that drives him crazy. LOL! Isn't he a smarty pants?; I mean - isn't he sweet? :)

Unknown said...

Aw, Cara,
This post made me sad. I don't think there is anything robotronic about you!

For what it's worth, I've never had any issues with a guy not being attracted to me because of my diabetes or insulin pump or whatever the case may be.

You are beautiful and I pity the fool who can't see that (end Mr. T impression).