When I was first diagnosed with diabetes, I was 4 years old. I was old enough to understand what sugar was and at that time, PWD avoided all refined sugar. I knew to say "I can't eat that," when offered a cookie or punch or something like a cupcake or candy bar.
Soon those around me adapted and life moved on. On top of that, we advanced in the world of diabetes and we learned to carb count and bolus and I could have refined sugar. For 30 years my life has been about what I put in my mouth, what my blood sugar is, and how much insulin to take.
But food hasn't really be a scary thing to me. I live and grew up in the South. Everything centers around food. Someone has a baby: bring food. Someone has a birthday: bake a cake. Someone dies: take food to the family. Someone celebrates a life milestone... you got it: food.
Even just having people over to play cards or monopoly involves food in the South. You have snacks out and drinks. It's part of being a good host or hostess. Basically, we gather, we eat.
Suddenly my life has become scary. Food is scary. Eating out with friends is scary. Having a party at work or friends over for game night just became scary. At first I thought to myself, "I will just have to eat at home more and make my own stuff." Not something I was thrilled about, but something that could be done, nonetheless.
But then, as a person who is proactive about their health does, I started reading on the internet and came across some sites that have me scared of my own home. My own kitchen. The place that I have always felt like I was good and decent and could bake up some love.
This site (to be honest, I got off the site after reading for a while and couldn't tell you what it was) recommended a complete ditching of basically everything in your kitchen. Including non-stick pots and pans and wooden utensils. It also recommended throwing out all condiments, deep cleaning your oven, and throwing all baking things (sugar, cornmeal, etc.) out as well and starting from scratch.
This terrifies me. Even my own kitchen isn't safe.
There are the sites that say you should explain to your server when you eat out, IF you eat out. Some say you should insist on speaking with a manager or the chef directly. Some say to avoid eating out if at all possible. Then there's the fear of cross contamination of something as simple as a salad!! How?? Apparently if they mix a salad in the same bowl as a salad that had another dressing or croutons, there could be a chance for cross contamination.
Again, when do I stop being afraid of food? Currently, I'm still consuming gluten as I wait for my first appointment with the GI doctor, but I'm already slightly terrified of food. Is this what it's like to be diagnosed with diabetes as an adult?? For those of you who have been diagnosed with celiac, are you afraid of food? Are you afraid to eat food at other peoples' homes? Or out at a restaurant with friends? Does this fear go away?
Today is a scary and uncertain day. Tomorrow will be better. I hope. For now, I'm going to do my best to be brave in the face of this scary moment and scary life change and hope that things get easier as they go along.