Wasting Money

Sometimes we waste money. No surprise there. We buy clothes we never wear, or make-up we never use. Or a CD or DVD we only watch once. I try not to do that very often. But sometimes it just happens. Even more, sometimes we buy things *gasp* we DON'T REALLY NEED! Ekkk!

I did just that last week. And my frivolous prize came in the mail today. Gratefully on a day when I really needed some retail therapy. I'm feeling much better now, thanks. :)

I have written before about my obsession with theatre and all things musical. Since today is officially my Theatre Thursday, I am combining diabetes with theatre...again. Most of you (yeah, I'm talking to you Kelly!) know about my love of Wicked the musical, although any type of musical theatre will feed my addiction.

I just was Wicked (for the first time) when it came on tour to Nashville. I bought my tickets more than 3 months in advance. That's how excited I was to see it.

Well, Minimed (diabetes enters, stage right) offers skins for their insulin pumps. My pump is clear. I did that so it would match anything I wore. I bought a skin a couple of years ago from them and kept it on my pump for quite some time. I loved it, but got tired of it and took it off after a while. Since that time, Minimed has extended and offers a place where you can completely personalize your skin. Using a picture, or clip art, or whatever you want, you can make your skin look like whatever you want.

Although it's completely dorky of me, I went Broadway. Better yet, I went Wicked. Below are pictures of my new "wicked" pump.

The picture I started out with.

The top of my pump.

The bottom of my pump.

My pump. Yes, I know it looks upside down...

but I did it that way on purpose so I could see the full title on the bottom. :)

Diabetes and Fear

I know there are a lot of people who sit around and worry and fret over their future in relation to diabetes. What if I loose a limb? What if I have to have an amputation? What if my kidneys fail?

While these are all very real possibilities, they are by no means something I sit around thinking about. If I did, I'd worry myself straight into the grave long before diabetes ever even got it's chance.

Instead, I live my life to the best of my ability and let God take care of the rest. I do the best I can do at any given moment to take care of my diabetes. Sometimes my blood sugars are good. Sometimes they aren't. Either way, it's just that single moment in time. I fix it and move on.

I do have fears though. But they are more immediate fears. The right now, so to speak.

Here's my example:

I have a dear friend of mine who is a single mom. She has 2 young children and not a lot of family around to help her out. We do have a fantastic church family that is always willing to step up when needed, but as some of you may know, it's nothing like having family or a significant other around to help out when you need it.

The other morning my friend called me. She was very sick with a stomach virus. She was needing help and asked me to come over and help her with her children. My first reaction (on the inside) is "Sure! I'll be right over." But my second reaction wins out.

Fear. What if I get this virus? What if I end up in the hospital from it? (It was entirely possible as one of her children already had it and had to do to the hospital) What if, what if, what if?

I told her no. But I offered to help her find someone to come instead. She called some other people and got the help she needed.

That fear made me sad. It made me angry. And it made me realize what a great community we have here in the D-OC. I tweeted my frustrations about not being able to help my friend and had 2 different people (from 2 different states faaaarrrr away from me) want to know where in Tennessee I was because they had friends/family that might have been able to help out.

I hate that I have to be scared of getting sick. I've not been in the hospital in about 6 years. I've not been in the hospital overnight since I was....wow, I think I was about 7 years old. But that fear is there. The fact that I can get sicker, quicker and worse than a lot of my healthy friends makes me angry. Because earlier this week, it interfered with my being able to help a friend.

The immediate fears are there. No, I don't think about them all the time, but they are in my mind when I'm making decisions about when to test, when to eat, when to call a doctor, and apparently when to help a friend or not.

Do you guys have fears like that? Immediate fears dealing with the right now instead of the far off future?

Phantom Pains and Diagnosis Dates

I've been off the blogging for a few days because I had company in town. Originally she was only supposed to stay for a long weekend, but it turned into a long week because she lives in the northeast and was snowed OUT of home. I loved having company, but it made it hard to find time and inspiration to blog. But I'm back today with two seperate topics.

First up: Phantom Pains.

You know how people that lose limbs to amputation will sometimes have phantom pains? Well, I have infusion site phantom pains. You know that feeling when you have a slightly sore site from your infusion set or sensor? Or you are right toward the time when you are going to be changing sites and it starts to get a little sore?

Well, I sometimes get those same feelings in spots where I don't currently have an infusion set or sensor. Like today, I have a sensor in my left thigh. It has been in the same spot for around 3 days. But my right thigh (where I had my last sensor) occasionally has a phantom pain.

And when I went to push on the area to see if it was sore from the previous sensor, it wasn't the same spot and the spot where the pain had been wasn't even sore.

I also have that happen occasionally with infusion sites. Do any of you have that happen, or am I completely weird?

Next topic: Diagnosis dates.

Last Friday I blogged about my celebration of my diagnosis date. During this time, I noticed several other bloggers who had diagnosis dates very close to my own.

Allison, Katie, Rachel, Kathy and Sara all have diagnosis dates within a couple of weeks of mine. I also have a friend who is not part of the online community that was diagnosed in February. I wonder if it is the time of year... with our immune systems so comprimised and sickness triggering it and all that. I suppose that could be a plausable theory. I'd like to take a survey of when people have diagnosis dates.

When's yours?

This Date In History

February 5, 1986. I'm sure there were lots of things going on in the world. I don't know what they were. I'm sure there were treaties being signed, or rock stars dying, or someone famous that was arrested. Maybe not. Who knows.

But February 5, 1986 was a day that my world, and the world of those around me, changed forever. After being very sick for a while, having nightmares, drinking water til it poured out the corner of my mouth, and wetting the bed several times a night, my mother took me to my family doctor. I'm sure there were other symptoms. I don't know what they were.

That morning, in the doctor's office, Dr. Joshi didn't even take my blood sugar before looking at my mother and telling her I had diabetes. A blood test verified it. As for the exact number, I don't know what it was. But my mother has always said that Dr. Joshi looked at her and said "How fast can you get her to Cookeville?" I'm sure they could have put me in an ambulance. But mom took me herself. The doctor told her not to even stop at home for clothes. Just to get me there.

I was in the hospital for several days, but you've all read this story before.

Instead, I want to talk about how much diabetes has given me. It's given me strength. It's given me friends. It's given me something that I think kept me out of trouble as a teen (nothing like the fear of getting sick to make you not was to party as a high schooler). Diabetes has given me sympathy for others and understanding that I don't think I would have otherwise.

It's been with me through thick and thin. Keeping me company, in a weird way. Present at every holiday and birthday. On every vacation. At every class I've taken. It was with me when I graduated college and when I paid off my first car. It was with me when I had my first date and my first kiss. And until a cure happens, it will be with me at every other major event (and minor event) in my life.

Boston Cream Pie Cake

So today, 24 years to the day after my world changed forever, I am going to have cake. And eat it too. I'm going to test and bolus and correct as needed. And have a wonderful time doing it.

This is the cake I really wanted....but, alas, it was made by Charm City Cakes and A) I can't afford it and B) it's too far away. Sigh. Someday.

TMI Post-Men, You've Been Warned

Okay, as most of you know I'm typically not a person who writes highly emotionally charged posts like I did on Sunday night. I was just feeling very frustrated and highly annoyed. However, it now makes sense. My monthly visitor came today. And as all of us women know, PMSing is one of the most emotionally charged times of our month.

Over the weekend I was fighting horrible high blood sugars. I assumed it was because I was constantly snacking and not doing alot because I was snowed in. However, hind sight's 20/20, right?

Typically, for 2 to 3 days before I start my period, my blood sugar runs crazy high. If I am thinking straight and I know it's coming, I'm prepared and I raise my basal rate by 10-20%. This usually works quite well.

Then, the day I start, my blood sugars plummet. I mean, non-diabetic type plummet. Yesterday around 6 p.m. my blood sugar leveled out at around 100. And it stayed there. All night long. I even tested in the middle of the night. I was 113. This morning, I woke up 93. By the time I got to work, I was 96 (this almost NEVER happens. My dawn phenomenon hits around 7:30 and I'm raising rapidly by the time I get to work at 8:00).

All day long I ate. I ate bad stuff. I ate food that I didn't bolus for. And I never got above 144. All day long. According to my pump, my daily average was 111. My daily sensor average was 96.

It's ironic really. That on a day when I truly feel like I've been hit by a truck (possibly a truck full of penguins....who knows) and I'm tired and cranky, that my blood sugar chooses to behave. Perfectly.

It must be Mother Nature's way of giving the diabetic chick a break. "Hey, since you have to feel like crap from your period once a month, I'll let the diabetes give you a break for a day or two. How's that? Will that work for you?" Well, Mother Nature, it would work better if I didn't feel like crap....and I didn't have diabetes in the first place. But hey, beggars can't be choosers, right?