Study Subject

Something that has always been a big fear of mine regarding my diabetes, and potential complications, has been loosing my vision. I think this is a common fear for those of us with diabetes, since the first things we hear about are going blind, loosing limbs, and our kidneys failing.

Around 10 years ago, my yearly visits at the eye doctor began to show the signs of diabetes in my eyes. They were small, but there. At first, it was devastating for me. There was nothing to be done.
Over time, the spots disappeared and then came back again and never left. There was no change to my vision, and literally nothing that I could do, other than do my best to control my blood sugars and hope that my eyes held steady without getting worse.

See, when you have diabetes, your blood sugars are not normal all the time. This causes issues with your eyes because the blood sugars can make your eyes think that there need to be more, new vessels in them. So they begin to develop. The problem is, these vessels aren't supposed to be there so their weak and can leak and bleed. The bleeding causes vision loss, and at that point, it is typically treated with injections of medication and laser surgery.

I had those vessels and spots in my eyes, but they weren't bleeding. Yet. Back in the summer of 2017, I had a scheduled eye appointment with my eye doctor, and while I was waiting on him, I noticed a sign on the back of the door advertising a study for those with Diabetic Macular Edema (the term for the leaky vessels and spots) but no bleeding. When the doctor came in, we talked about my eyes, and without me bringing it up, he suggested I might be a good candidate for the study.

Ultimately, the study involved an existing medication that is used to treat bleeding in the eyes. It is injected into the eye, and they wanted to see if the medication could be used BEFORE the bleeding began, to help hold off, or improve the state of the leaky vessels and spots in the eyes. Before the vision damage and the laser surgery.

They gave me some information on the study (okay, a TON of information on the study), and I took it home to think about it and to pray. Ultimately I decided to give it a try. There was no guarantee I would even qualify for the study, so it couldn't hurt to try.

The initial visit involved a LOT. It was around 6 hours of tests (vision tests, pregnancy tests, blood pressure, medical history, EKG, medical history, pictures of my eyes, etc). The doctor was only interested in submitting my left eye (the eye with the most damage) to the study, but they were through and did everything for both eyes just in case.

This ultimately turned out to be a good thing. My left eye was rejected by the study as having too much damage. On a whim, they submitted my right eye and the study accepted it! What this meant was that I was going to be part of a double blind study. Meaning my doctor and myself would not know if I was getting the medication or not. Only the doctor who would give me the injections and the study coordinator would be aware.

 

I was concerned about my left eye, as it was showing more damage, but I found out that the company had allowed the doctor to actually treat my left eye with the medication for SURE, no blind study at all. This was amazing for me and I was more than happy.

Fast forward a bit over a year, I'm still in the study. This study is two years long, so I still have until next summer. I have gone to the eye doctor anywhere from every three weeks to every eight weeks. Each time I go, there are pictures involved. Sometimes there are blood draws. Sometimes there is dye injected (not into my eyes, but to help take pictures of my eyes).

Each time, I get an injection in my study eye (the right eye). For a while, I also received an injection in my left eye that I know has the medication. After several visits, my eye doctor (the one who does not know if I am getting the medication in my study eye), stopped me from getting the injections in my left eye because the eye looked so much better. I went from November to May with no injection in my non-study eye. I had one more injection in that eye and have not had another since.

 

I'll say that I've seen the pictures of both my eyes. My left eye (non-study eye) that I know has been getting medication looks amazing. The spots and leaky vessels that were there before are nearly gone. There are a few tiny spots here and there, but the leaky vessel spot that had caused me so much worry is now gone. What remains are the outlines of where the blood was and some small white spots that my eye doctor has told me are like scar tissue. In my study eye, the spots that were there have diminished greatly, though I can't be 100% sure that I'm getting the medication in that eye. I will say that the "before" and "after" pictures and comparing to the improvement in my non-study eye, I can assume that I am.

I'm doing this study for selfish and non-selfish reasons. Selfish, because I want the latest medicine. I want to keep my vision. I want to avoid laser surgery. Non-Selfish because I have too many friends with diabetes who have vision problems, have dealt with laser surgery and vision loss because of diabetes. And maybe if there had been an option like this, they would have had a different story. Maybe it will help the others out there who aren't to the point of vision damage yet.

I still have a little over a year left in this study. My hope is that my eyes will have improved so much that there isn't much else to do. I always said I wanted to be part of a diabetes study, but this was NEVER what I imagined. Let's be honest, I was thinking new technology! This, however, has been an amazing experience so far. Sure, injections in ones eyes aren't joyful, but they aren't nearly as bad as I imagined, and the benefits outweigh everything else.

Just a Smoke Machine

I wear glasses. My doctor has told me several times that my vision problems aren't diabetes related, just genetics luck of the draw. I do have some cloudiness that shows the start of cataracts on both of my eyes, but neither are affecting my vision. I do have some bleeding in both of my eyes, but it's minimal and also not affecting my vision.

Over the years, one of my greatest fears is loosing my vision to diabetes. A lot of things can happen when you have diabetes. You can loose limbs. You can have kidney problems. But vision has always been on top of my fear list.

I know that it's very possible that I'll have to have eye surgery at some point in my life, but I'm praying it's many years away. That being said, there are always little things that happen, when I wonder if something is diabetes related.

I went to church this morning (as I do most Sundays), but this was our special Christmas program. My church, for the past three years, have done something called The Living Christmas Tree. If you've never had the chance to see a Living Christmas Tree, you should find one near you and go! Basically, it's a choir stand that is Christmas tree shaped. People stand on the different levels and when the tree is lit and the people are singing, it's almost like the people are the ornaments in the tree.

 

As I was sitting in the sanctuary, waiting on the service to start, I noticed that things looked a little fuzzy to me in the distance. The lights were slightly dimmed, and when I pulled my glasses off, I could tell they were dirty and I cleaned them. When I put them back on, things were still fuzzy. I cleaned my glasses again.

I couldn't figure it out. Why were things so fuzzy? I thought "maybe there's a smoke machine somewhere in here." I looked around. I didn't see a smoke machine. Or smell one (I can usually smell them).

Suddenly, I had an awful thought. What if something was wrong with my vision? What if it wasn't my glasses. Or a smoke machine. What if it was something with my eyes?? As I sat there, waiting on church, and the program to start, I was working my way through my thoughts. I could probably get an appointment with my eye doctor first thing Monday morning, if I called right as they opened. How many appointments would have reschedule at work? Could someone cover for me if I couldn't reschedule? Would I have to go to the office out of town for my eye appointment?

While all this is running through my head, I reminded myself, again, that there was a possibility that I was imagining things. That there was a smoke machine I was missing. Something. I prayed. And decided to see how things looked when the lights came back up and I got outside of the sanctuary.

I moved it to the back of my head and watched this year's performance of The Living Christmas Tree. I was blessed. It was wonderful.And when I walked out of the sanctuary I became convinced that there had been a smoke machine in the church somewhere. I could see just fine.

I just wonder, if it weren't for diabetes would the thought about the fuzzy/blurry even been a thought in my head? I don't know. I've not really ever known life without diabetes. I wonder if anyone else in the building noticed the blurriness and thought anything about it at all?

It's amazing how diabetes can jump into our lives and take over other areas. Thirsty isn't just thirsty anymore, it's "high." Sleepy isn't just sleepy, it's "low." Blurry vision isn't just sleep deprivation, it's "low" or actual vision problems. Everything becomes diabetes, even when it's just a smoke machine.

Having My Fears Calmed: The Eye Appointment

This post is actually way, way overdue. Back a couple of years ago there was bleeding found in both of my eyes. The thing that every person with diabetes dreads hearing. I was determined to get a second opinion for a couple of reasons. The biggest one was that I'm paranoid. Bleeding in my eyes is something that I have dreaded for years. When they found it, I wanted to be sure that everything was really as okay as my eye doctor said it was. The fact that he was an optomitrist and not an opthamologist was also an issue with me.

But, I put off seeing an opthamologist for a year. Mostly because I was scared about what he would say. But I did it, and the opthamologist set my mind at ease about how my eyes were progressing (they weren't getting worse) and about what the future might hold (the bleeding could stay exactly the same for years before any more progression shows up). And then he told me that it would be find to continue to see an optomitrist once a year unless I noticed a change in my vision.

Back about a month ago was my yearly eye appointment and I went back to the optomitrist this time. The thing about my optomitrist, who I'll call Dr. Y for "young", is that I went to school with him. He is younger than me. He was always a nice person, from what I remember, but I had some mental issues to deal with in regards to trusting him. It's wrong of me. It makes me an ageist, I suppose. But it is what it is.

This most recent visit really put my mind at ease when dealing with Dr. Y. Dr. Y put my mind at ease. I talked to him about going to see the opthamologist (who is with the same practice, in a different town). I talked with him about my diabetes control (and lack of in college). We talked about the specific areas of bleeding in my eyes.

And then he took pictures of the back of my eyes. When he was done, he didn't put them in my file and send me on my way. He sat down with me, showed me exactly where the areas were. How they related to my vision. Which areas were of the most concern and why.

I'm not sure if he realized it, but by taking the time to SHOW me what he was looking at and explaining it to me, Dr. Y won me over and put my mind at ease all at once. If more doctors (regardless of age) took the time to talk with their patients the way Dr. Y did with me, we'd have a better health care system all the way around.

The final score: my eyes haven't changed in the past couple of years. The bleeding is there, but doesn't appear to be changing. Yearly visits are okay for now. And the standard "check in if anything changes" was the final prognosis. I feel I can sleep easy and breath deeply and smile.

Yesterday Was the Day

Around a month ago I blogged that I hadn't been going to my doctor's appointments like I should. I did it for accountability and within a short while, I got myself together and got an eye doctor's appointment and a dentist appointment set up.
Yesterday was the day. I took the day off work and started my morning with a dentist appointment. Sadly, I have new cavities. :/ Such is life, I suppose. I'm going to get them filled in a few weeks.
My eye doctor appointment was the one I was really worried about. Last year, at my annual check-up, my doctor found some slight bleeding in both of my eyes. For any diabetic, this can be super scary. He advised me that it wasn't a big deal and that I could come back in a year. My first reaction was panic. I wanted to see an M.D. (my current doc is an optometrist, not an ophthalmologist). I also wanted to start going back every 6 months.
My second reaction was what I went with. Fear. And ignoring. You know the whole "ignore it and it will go away" thing? That was me. Which is why it was a little over a year before I finally got back. But I did go with my gut instinct to actually make an appoinment with an ophthalmologist. Not that I don't like my optometrist, but just that I wanted to make sure that everything was really okay.
I had to drive an hour to see an opthalmologist. This is normal in my rural area. You have to drive to see pretty much any kind of specialist. When I got to the office, they did the standard eye exam with me (I need new glasses) and my vision has gotten a little worse, but it's not d-related.
Then they did the eye dialation. Once the doctor came in to see me, I think he was in the room for about 10 minutes. Not very long at all. But it was all the time I needed. He was really nice and looked at my eyes. The bleeding is still in both eyes, but hasn't changed since last year. He also assured me that it wasn't really anything to worry about at this time. And that I could continue to see my optometrist once a year unless something changed.
It basically put my mind at ease. He told me that the spots could stay the same way for the next 10 or 20 years and never change at all. I feel like I can breath a little easier, knowing that I did what I felt was right, and knowing that I don't have to worry so much about my eyes right now.