Thursday, July 21, 2011

I Was Right

Tuesday was my appointment with the nurse practitioner at my endo's office. I knew I was way overdue for an appointment. I also knew I have not been taking care of my self like I should be. My blogging has been very honest about my diabetes burn-out/depression, along with the fact that I know my slacking in diabetes care is my fault and something I am going to have to fix.

The day came my A1c was the first thing they did. The number itself was one that a lot of people would work really hard for and be thrilled with. But for me, it was horrible. It was higher than it had been in over five years. And I knew it was coming. I was praying that it wasn't quite that high, but it was still a punch in the gut to know that I am back to a range where I personally do not feel comfortable.

My nurse practitioner is wonderful. She actually told me that she was happy with that number and that I shouldn't worry, but if I wanted to get it back down that it wouldn't take a lot of work. And she's right. It could be back where I wanted it in a month or so, if I buckle down and start paying attention to what I'm doing.

The great thing about my endo's office, and the people that I see there, are that they listen to me. They are supportive, and understand that even though a number, or a goal might be okay for some people, that I want to work harder and I tend to hold myself to a different standard than most people.

Even after reviewing all my pump and meter downloads, the NP and I talked about the inconsistency of the highs and lows and I was upfront with her about why I believed that they were that way. There's no pattern to my highs and lows because I have been slacking off. We talked a little about my diabetes burn-out, my frequent travel, and my depression. At then end of the conversation she said "I don't think we need to change any of your pump settings." And she was right. I told her that I needed that number so that I could kick myself into gear and she agreed with me, but in the same breath, told me not to stress so much.

It's nice having a great health care team. One that will support me and help me with my goals, but don't feel the need to berate me or tell me all the things I need to be doing differently. I left the office feeling down. Disappointed in myself. But at the same time, having that tangible number has given me the information I need to start making changes. I know what I am, so I know where I need to go to get back where I want to be. So even though I was upset with my number, I have hope and knowledge that I can fix it.

I meet with my endo in October. Let's see what will happen between now and then. I know one thing is for sure: I CAN DO THIS!


Her Name Is Lola said...

YES YOU CAN!!! I have faith in you...and I get to be even more annoying now :P

Sarah/@smartDpants said...

Yes, you can! I'm so glad your NP and the endo's office are so supportive and comfortable for you. It can be hard to hear that "your number is fine" when you know it can be lower, but for a variety of reasons isn't. It sounds like you're in a good place to start kicking D back into its rightful place, which is at a lower #, one that you know you can reach. Best of luck--you can totally do this! ;)

Karen said...

Like Lola, I have faith in you!! You can buckle down and turn this around because you care - you care enough to talk about it on your blog.

And I'm so so happy you have a good health care team. It's so important to get understanding and help from an appointment, not judgement and berating.

Hugs to you!!

Colleen said...

Of course you can do this!
Have some faith in yourself and go for it!

Sarah Jane said...

((HUGS)). I have been in the same place. Still am, actually. If you want to talk, I can give you my celly.

Cherise said...

I know YOU can do this! We've all been there a time or two. I know you can make the adjustments you need to make. I have faith in you, too! Your health care team rocks.