Doctors, Vacation, and Birthdays!

I had an endo appointment this morning. Got the new script for One Touch strips for my new Ultra Link meter! I switch from BD effective tomorrow afternoon. Yay!

My A1c was down to 6.3. Ties for my lowest ever. I had it that low once before. I'm still shooting for below 6. I think I can do it. CGMS has helped greatly.

The bad news is that I am pretty sure that my insurance company is going to STOP PAYING for my sensors! I just put in another order and I am going to stop wearing them all the time because I want to stretch them out in case I have to start paying out of pocket.

There's no way I can afford $175 per month (that's saying I average 6 days on a sensor) for these things. I just can't do it. I'm poor.

Apparently there's "not enough scientific data" to support them paying for them right now. I don't know a lot about scientific data, but I do know my A1c has dropped by 0.4 in the 2 months that I've been on the sensor. And it has caught nighttime lows many, many times that I might not have caught otherwise. I live alone, this gets a little scary.

It has also caught numerous day time lows (and highs) that I don't feel because, in the words of my diabetes educator, I've got a short circuit after so many years of diabetes.

So just pray with me and for me that the big money insurance company will see the error of their ways and decide that they need to keep paying for these things.

I am off tomorrow on a vacation. I am actually staying in the town that I live in, but am going camping and horseback riding with my best friend and her family. I am so excited! It's a long weekend and I have 3 days off. What's not to love about that?

Also, my birthday is on Monday. It's almost always on Memorial Day weekend. This year it feel on the day. I am turning 27. Not so old, some may say. Some days it feels older than others. Today it feels like it will be a good year.

Also, a side note. For all those of you who posted comments on my last blog entry, thank you. Your words mean so much to me. I always know you will understand and know just the thing to say. Mostly because you live this life too.

Cara: iRobot

One thing I will assure you all that I will not discuss on my blog is my personal life. It's just one aspect of my life that I rarely talk about to anyone I know. I will say this: I don't have much of one. I never dated in high school. I only casually dated in college. Due to this, my dating experience is severely limited.

Some days I feel like a robot. Really. I am attached to a machine 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Then, a few months ago, I began to use the CGMS system. I wear it pretty steadily. Although I do take a few days off here and there.

Add all this together and you get....

Cara : iRobot

The past couple of months I have seriously questioned myself. As a woman, I think we all want to feel beautiful and attractive. (I'm pretty sure guys want to feel attractive too.) But there are times when I just think, how is being attached to two different electronic machines attractive??

I'm a borderline robot. And it's just strange.

Don't get me wrong, I am extremely grateful for the technology to help me control my diabetes to the best possible degree. Technology has helped me drastically improve my health care. My chances of complications after 23 years of diabetes are greatly reduced because I can keep my blood sugars under control and closer to non-diabetic levels.

But that doesn't stop me from wanting to be beautiful. And from feeling like a freak of nature and unattractive at times because I am.... Cara : iRobot.

Thankfully, I have wonderful friends in the Diabetes OC that help me know that I am beautiful in spite of my diabetes. Kerri, over at SixUntilMe is on her honeymoon with her wonderful husband Chris. Donna at Donnabetes has been married for years to her wonderful husband who loves her in spite of her diabetes. Amy at Diabetes Mine, Bernard at Bernard's Diabetes Blog, Hannah at Dorkabetic, and the list goes on and on.

So mentally, I know that I am not weird and that there is the chance of someone finding me attractive in spite of my diabetes. But it doesn't stop my "girl-mind" from occasionally getting away with me and making me feel the way I do.

Tagged!

I was tagged by Donna, over at Donnabetes. Bless her. Now I have to find 6 people. Yikes!

Rules:

Once you’ve been tagged, you have to write a blog with 10 weird, random, facts, habits or goals about yourself. At the end, choose 6 people to be tagged, list their names & why you tagged them. Don’t forget to leave them a comment saying “You’re it!” & to go read your blog. You cannot tag the person that tagged you, so since you’re not allowed to tag me back; let me know when you are done so I can go read YOUR weird, random, facts, habits and goals.

1. I like to eat my food from smallest to largest. Little, broken chips first, whole chips last.

2. I've always wished I could be on Broadway. A nice dream, but probably never gonna happen.

3. I am hoping to travel to Europe someday. Also may never happen, but I can dream, right??

4. One day I hope to finish cleaning out my "spare" bedroom. I have to get rid of stuff and actually turn it into a bedroom. Someday....

5. I have the goal of loosing 20 pounds. Doesn't everyone say that? But really, I will. Someday.

6. I have a horrible sense of direction. Really. I can travel the same road a million times and I might still get lost. I can't give directions either.

7. I just nearly can't live without my Diet Pepsi. Donna has her Diet Coke. I have my Diet Pepsi.

8. I have a goal to someday own my own home. I want to be able to decorate the way I want, paint the way I want, and be able to go HGTV crazy on my living quarters. Sadly, I can't do that when renting.

9. I have a fantasy that all of my friends and family will live in the same town. I call it a fantasy cause I know it will never happen. It's a weird thing to want, but I do.

10. I love getting mail! Not e-mails or text messages, or myspace messages. Just plain ol' stamp on a letter in the mailbox mail. It makes me smile.

So, I am off now to find 6 more people to tag. Wish me luck.

I ran out of people at 5... Sad, I know. Sorry.
I picked Vivian because she's practically my neighbor, even though we've never met.
I picked Jillian because she's always lots of fun. And she's very honest.
I picked Kelly cause she makes me laugh.
I picked Naomi because she's practically one of my best friend's neighbors.
I picked Araby62 because she shares my love of all things 80s.

Craziness

I took my CGMS off today, after my customary 6 day run. And nearly the entire 6 days was off. It was rarely right. That is unusual. I typically have close readings about 90% of the time. Not so with this past run. I know it was probably just a bad sensor, but it can be kind of frustrating at times.

I left it out today and plan to start over again tomorrow or Friday. Wish me luck. :)

My insulin intake is still averaging more than I would like it to, but I see the doctor next Thursday, so maybe we will make some adjustments that will help. I hate the thought of taking more insulin, but whatever I have to do to keep my blood sugars in check I will do.

On a side note, my baby sister (who's not really a baby anymore since she just turned 12) sang in her county wide singing contest and got 1st place for the sixth grade. She's so talented (and I don't just say that cause she's my sister). I am so very proud of her.

Sorry such a short post, but there's not really been a whole lot going on of late in my life, so I am just taking advantage of the peace. I don't expect it to last too long.

My Mother

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. As most all of us know. It's supposed to be a special day to celebrate all our mother means to us. Sadly, the flowers I sent my mother cannot begin to express my thankfulness for her and her role in my life.

Three years before I was born my mother and father went to the House of Ruth adoption ministry and began to fill out paperwork to adopt a child. My mother prayed for years. During their wait, my mom and dad moved from California (where the agency was located) to Tennessee, where I have grown up and lived my entire life.

Months before my parents were paired with my birth mother, they got word that there was a woman who wanted them to have her son. If I'm not mistaken, then even began some of the paperwork. But as soon as the lady found out her child would be living in Tennessee, she backed out. For this, I am thankful to God and to this woman.

My parents went through a great deal to get me. When I was born, I was a month early and in serious health. The doctors who called to tell my mother that I was in the world, also told her not to bother coming to California to get me because I wasn't going to make it. My heart had a valve that was malfunctioning.

My mother told the doctor that she would be on the next plane out of Nashville because I was going to live and because she'd prayed for three years for a baby girl and I was going to be fine; that God would work through his hands and I would live.

This doctor was a known atheist. He went to get on the helicopter that was flying me to a better facility and told them that I would make it because, apparently, in his words, God was going to work though his hands.

When my mother got to the hospital, the nurses all wanted to meet the woman who had made this doctor say something about God.

And with the good Lord's help, and the medicine that wasn't supposed to work, I was able to be okay. I didn't even need surgery. And after 17 days in a incubator, I was able to function and be normal.

That was a hurdle that my mother didn't bargain for. She didn't have to take me. The adoption wasn't final. She could have stayed in Tennessee and not come to get me. That would have been acceptable to most, I think.

But they didn't. She didn't. They brought me home to Tennessee. And I lived with them for years. And then diabetes came to knock on our door.

As an infant and toddler, I never wanted to suck on a pacifier. Mom always said I would spit it right out. Suddenly, around late 3, early 4, I began to suck on my middle and ring finger of my left hand. Like a child would suck on their thumb. Then I started wetting the bed at night. Something I hadn't done since I was potty trained. And then I would have nightmares. Actually, night terrors, where I would wake up seeing things in my bed that weren't there.

My mother thought I needed a shrink. She took me to the doctor. Turns out, there was no need for a shirk. Diabetes had just come into our world.

Everything changed for her after that. For me too. I can't imagine the terror and fear and sadness that a mother faces when her child is diagnosed with diabetes. Sure it's treatable. But so scary. And at the time (1985) there were still many many misconceptions about the disease. Even more than now.

I've thought, throughout the years, that my mother didn't bargain for this. She adopted a child that was supposed to be her little perfect girl. She didn't count on a lifetime of medical bills, doctor's visits and constant worry about her child.

I read a poem once that said it takes a special woman to be the parent of a diabetic child. Sometimes I think that's why I was adopted. God knew that I needed my mom. And that she needed me.

My mother isn't perfect. She'd be the first one to tell you that. She hasn't always made the right decisions or choices. But she's always been there for me. I've always known that I was her number one priority and that I could go to her with anything. In many ways, she's like my best friend. And I thank her for that.

So no present, or bouquet of flowers, or any word could ever convey to the world how much my mother means to me. But I hope, that I can give her just a small idea of how wonderful I think she is.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom. I love you.

What Do I Do Now?

My best friend got engaged in January of 2007. She got married last Saturday. That translates to 16 months of "wedding" going on. It was a nearly constant topic of conversation. More so in the past several months as the wedding got closer and closer. The past two weeks were wedding 24/7.

Now it's over. And I'm not quite sure what to do with myself. I have other stuff going on and other stuff to do, but I almost feel like I have nothing to do since this big thing is now over. I can't imagine how I would feel if it was my wedding!

I am very glad it is over. The stress level plummeted in the days after the wedding. I am exhausted and am just now catching up on all my sleep. I'm not complaining by any means, but I do have to say that I am trying to figure out what to do with myself now.

I feel like I am trying to find a little bit of myself again. The sad part is that I have this crazy desire to call my friend and I can't because she is on her honeymoon. I think I want to call her so bad because I know I can't. You know, like when your nose itches when you have your hands covered in dirt.

I have many more things going on in this month of May. Another wedding (of a family member), Mother's Day, my own birthday and vacation. So I have lots to do and lots more to keep me busy. But even so, I feel kind of empty.

I know this post wasn't diabetes related, but I felt like I needed to get it off my chest and sometimes the diabetes OC is the best place to vent.

Thank you for all you do!

Diabetes in the News

It seems that in the past week diabetes has been all over the news. So much so that I felt I needed to post on the various articles. Many of you in the diabetes OC have already read and posted on these articles. But there are so many that I am going to give a brief run down and post some of my own thoughts on these articles.
First, last week I read this title: Study: Pregnant Women With Pre-Existing Diabetes Doubles. This article was basically a localized study that did not distinguish what type of diabetes the women had. In the article is stated that such pregnancies were very high risk and should be planned. This study did not show how many of these pregnancies were planned either.
Here are my thoughts on this: How do they know that the pregnancies weren't planned? Could the increase in diabetic pregnancies be from the increase in diabetics in general?
None of these things were addressed in this story, so I'm not sure. I do know that before the past couple of years, I have always said that I didn't want children; that I wanted to adopt. This was for numerous reason. I don't really like to get into them, especially now, when my thoughts on pregnancy change on a weekly basis. Maybe now, that more women are seeing successful pregnancies, other diabetics aren't as concerned about pregnancy.
Second article: Denver Broncos quarterback Jay Culter has been diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. I hate to hear that there has been another added to our ranks. It makes me sad. Yet, in spite of all of this, his coaches, and he are continuing to say that this is not the end of his career. This gives hope to others who think that diabetes may limit them in what they can do. So, let us wish Jay Culter luck as he joins our ranks and the ranks of us pumpers. It is with a heavy heart that I welcome you to our world.
Third article: FDA study: Insulin pumps linked to injuries, deaths in teens. I got to work this morning and read this on a news site. I nearly stroked out! The FDA looks at such a limited area in this study that they are pulling out the bad instead of looking at the overall benefits of insulin pumps. Any time you deal with medications of any kind, you are looking at the possibility of adverse affects. This is just standard. You deal with this also with a machine, that always has the chance of breaking, no matter how good it may be. It's not perfect. Add in teenage hormones and the sometimes lax care of diabetes (I went though it too!) and you can have children that are injured or die. But this can go with adults also. Instead of giving a well rounded report, this gives a very narrow look at one aspect of insulin pumps. And it allows the general public to have a negative idea about insulin pumps and diabetics in general. I also think that it might give a negative idea to parents of diabetics or diabetics who might be considering the pump, and haven't made their decision yet.
Fourth article: Government Report Answers Who Lives, Who Dies in Flu Pandemic. In regards to this article, it was a guideline of sorts that was set out by a task force of government and medical professional in the case of a widespread flu pandemic. In the case of this, it could be a bad thing for some diabetics. Here were the guidelines of who would not receive treatment if treatments were not widely available:
— People older than 85.
— Those with severe trauma, which could include critical injuries from car crashes and shootings.
— Severely burned patients older than 60.
— Those with severe mental impairment, which could include advanced Alzheimer's disease.
— Those with a severe chronic disease, such as advanced heart failure, lung disease or poorly controlled diabetes.
There's the big diabetes word. The one thing that gives me comfort is the fact that I have pretty good control of my diabetes. My A1c has been below 7 for some time now and I have no longstanding complications from my almost 23 years with this disease.
I guess this is a good kick in the tail for those who don't take care of themselves. This could be something that might make someone take control. Let's hope so anyway.
Now, we all know that we may go another 6 months before this much about diabetes makes the news. But this past week or so has been so full of this that I have been surprised.

Spray Tanning and My 100th Post

Today I went to get a spray tan. Cause of the whole wedding thing. And I have learned a new thing for all you ladies that are pumping and want to get a spray tan. I timed my site change so that I could rip it out right before getting the tan, and the put the new one in right after.
The tan turned out great. I got back to the vehicle and put the new site in, no problems. Then we went to Old Navy to do a little shopping. In the Old Navy, I decided I wanted to try on an outfit. When I got into the dressing room and took off my shirt, the site was just laying there. Not attached to me at all. I didn't rip it out. I would have felt that. It had just fallen off.
Apparently, spray tan and sticky don't get along. Luckily, I had my emergency set that I carry in my purse and I could change it quickly. Before I put the second site in, I used and alcohol pad to prep the site (while successfully removing all the tan from that small area of my body) and had no more problems.
So ladies, if you get a spray tan, do one of two things, leave the site in and just disconnect. Or use an alcohol pad to prep the site before you put the new one in.
By the way, this is also my 100th post. I wondered if I'd ever get here.

Weddings, Birthdays, and General Stressors

One of my very best friends in the world is getting married on Saturday. This is, in part, why I haven't been posting as regularly. I have been busy with many wedding things. Also, I have helped my baby sister celebrate her 12th birthday. When I really feel like she was just born yesterday. She's now taller than I am. Another of my friends also celebrated a birthday since the last time I posted.

I have been shoe shopping, run all over town trying to find someone to finish making my bridesmaids dress, gone to get a pedicure, made a birthday cake for my sister, and finished school for the semester (with a 101 average! Woo-hoo!).

Tomorrow I go to get a manicure and a spray tan (no time for a tanning bed!). Friday morning I get my hair colored, and Friday afternoon is the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.

I have been, as I mentioned in a previous post, been dealing with a much larger insulin intake than I am used to. The past couple of days have been decent, blood sugar wise. I haven't had a number over 200 and have averaged, both days, below 140. I can't complain. This has been a little bit of stress relief, since I have been so worried about my blood sugars running high and my insulin intake.

So, here I go, into the month of May. Wish me luck.

Tomorrow is my 2nd anniversary on the pump, by the way.

A new meme that made me smile and a change in insulin intake.

The rules: Make a list of your loves. The only catch? You can’t include a single person you know on your list. No “I love the way my husband laughs” or “I love hearing my little girl call for me.” It’ll be tough, I know. But this particular little exercise is about stripping away everyone who defines you and figuring out what you (not his partner; not their mother/daughter/sister/friend) love.

1) I love music of all kinds. How it makes me feel and makes me express my emotions.
2) I love the smell of fresh cut grass.
3) I love sitting on the bank of the lake watching the water and letting time pass with no concerns.
4) I love the feeling I get when I am watching a play. There's nothing in the world like live theater.
5) I love the feeling of taking a nap on Sunday afternoon after church.
6) I love to see things I've never seen before and go places I've never been before. Travel is something I wish I could afford to do much more of.
7) I love to spend hours in a book store just wandering around looking at random books and reading the book jackets.
8) I love live music. I love to see concerts of almost any kind. This relates back to #1.


I just thought this was a fun little meme. I could go on and on about things I love. But I won't. Currently, I am dealing with major stress that I am almost positive is effecting my insulin intake. For the past 2 years that I have been pumping, I have averaged between 40 and 48 units of insulin intake per day. Some days, of course, there might be a little more or a little less, depending on what's going on around me. But in the past 30 days, I have had around 20 days of over 50 units per day. Some days there have even been over 60 units. The reason I think it is stress related is because (obviously) I am very stressed, but also because my basal rates seem to need changes except at night. This would be when I was the least stressed, since I would be asleep.
CGMS has helped me see these patterns, but I am at a loss as to what to do about it. I had an appointment yesterday with my CDE. She wanted to make some changes, but I convinced her to let me wait until June to do any of these changes since my life is going to calm down (hopefully) at the end of May. I have another appointment in mid-June with my CDE. And an appointment in May with my endo.
I have usually seen an increase in weight when my insulin intake goes up. This has not been the case this time. I have actually lost weight. Not much, but enough that it doesn't make a whole lot of sense.
Maybe things will change after May. Maybe things will settle back down in my world and my insulin intake will go back to what it was before.
Let's hope.

Raise Your Voice!

This day, Kerri has dubbed Type 1 Awareness Day. Raise your voice, type 1's!
This is my perspective on Type 1 diabetes. I will have been a Type 1 diabetic for 23 years in just a few months. In many ways, it's all I've ever known. My memories, pre-diabetes, are few and far between.
I have shared stories on this blog in the past about my diagnosis. I have shared tales of good days with diabetes, and bad days with diabetes.
I have shared the frustrations of many other Type 1's, as we are too often grouped in with Type 2 diabetics, and told to "exercise" or "quit eating junk foods".
In this online world, I have found others who share my triumphs, my trials, and my daily life that is constantly wrapped up in diabetes.
My greatest desire is to have a more common understanding of diabetes, both Type 1 and Type 2, in the media and the general public. I want people to understand that I don't have "sugar", as many people like to call it here in the south. I have an auto-immune disease known as Type 1 diabetes that will stay with me for the rest of my life, unless there is a cure.
But there are a host of other wishes I have for my diabetes, and diabetes in general:
- I wish to be able to take a job without the need to interview my employer about insurance benefits.
- I wish to be able to tell someone I have diabetes and have the look at me like I am going to die.
- I wish to be able to keep the around $120 per month that I spend on out of pocket costs for my medicine. (This does not include my insurance premiums.)
-I wish to be able to go on a trip without taking an entire carry-on bag of nothing but meds.
-I wish to be able to know that if I chose to have children, they will not have to live with this disease like I have.
- I wish for my mother and father and countless other friends and family to not have to worry about me because I live alone.

-I wish to be able to tell people that I USED to have diabetes.

So, fellow Type 1's: RAISE YOUR VOICE!

One Year Later...

I write this post one day early because my tomorrow is going to be filled with friends and cakes and bridal showers for my best friend's upcoming wedding.
One year ago tomorrow I posted my first blog post. Inspired by Kerri over at Six Until Me, whom I stumbled across by surfing around on dLife, I ran across this world of people just like me. I knew there were other diabetics in the world. I had, after all, attended diabetes camp for 2 years when I was a child. I even knew a few Type 1's and a couple of Type 2's in my every day life.
But Kerri introduced me to this world of the Diabetes On-line Community. Her Blogroll is what led me to enter this world. I began reading about other diabetics and their lives. I ran across the blogs of parents who's children had diabetes which gave me a whole new perspective on what my parents lived through (and still do) when I was diagnosed with diabetes.
I met new people, though not in real life, like Amylia and Donna and Jillian. I discovered what a sussy was, learned about new pump sites, found the wonderful IIMC's (also known as pump packs), and discovered the generosity of virtual strangers like Bernard.
This community has meant so much to me in so many ways. I feel like I know most of you, even though we have never met. The common thread of diabetes connects us.
I know I don't blog as often as some others do, but I read faithfully. Even when I am not blogging, I am always getting support from your posts.
So thanks to all those in the d-blog world. You have become an important part of my life in the past 365 days, and I hope to continue to see you all here on-line as our lives and trials with diabetes continue.

A Long Week....Already

It is only Wednesday, but it has been a loonnnggg week already. Every day has seemed to drag by. Is it just me, or are others experiencing this also?

Yesterday, however, was a great fun day. The Women's NCAA basketball championship was last night in Tampa. My lovely Lady Vols played Stanford, and won their 8th National Championship. :) I can't complain. I had a great time watching the game and yelling at the tv.

Sadly, 5 of the players (all starters) were seniors and were all drafted into the WNBA today. So, essentially we will be starting all over again next year. But Pat Summit has a way of getting the best out of the best, so I have no doubt we will be on top again within a few years. Maybe even next year.

So congrats to Pat Summit and the Lady Vols on your 8th National Championship.

Change of subject: Today I was a very bad diabetic. I don't drink orange juice. For two reasons. It gives me severe heart burn (the kind that lasts for days) and it makes my blood sugar crazy. This morning I drank orange juice. It was delicious. Luckily, I had a friend who gave me some heart burn medicine that staved off the heart burn. But the crazy blood sugars... no go. I gave the proper amount of insulin. But 2 hours later: 324. But by lunch I was down to 94. Although I know that high blood sugar was NOT good for me, I was very happy to get to drink some o.j. It may be another 2 years before I have any more (it's been at least that long since the last time I had any). So I figure I don't have to worry too much about the crazy blood sugars.

Also, this afternoon I got a crick in my neck. I am currently sitting here with a heat wrap on my neck and have done a whole lot of nothing this evening, trying to get the pain to go away. This happens to be occasionally. Usually it's in times of great stress and it's usually when I don't realize how much stress I am under! Hopefully I will go to sleep tonight and wake up tomorrow feeling much better. Otherwise it will mean a trip to the doctor to get a muscle relaxer and a trip to the chiropractor for a neck and back adjustment.

Let's all hope it goes away tonight since I have my best friend's bridal shower cakes to make on Friday...

I hope everyone in the Diabetes OC is doing well. I promise, I am getting back to this whole blogging thing.

Blessings in Times of Stress

I have a million things going on in my life right now. This is (mostly) why I haven't been posting. I have had things to post, yes. But getting the time or energy to do it has been hard. When I have free time I have been vegging out or talking with friends. I have been out of town 3 times in the past month. I am preparing for my best friend's bridal shower and wedding (now only 1 month away) and have basically been going a little bit crazy.
During this time, CGMS has been a really good thing for me. I took it off for about a week at one point and just couldn't handle life without it. I admit it, I've become spoiled. I can do without it, I just don't want to. It's not perfect, but has really helped me out.
One night (when I did not have the CGMS on) I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. After thinking I should test, I found my blood sugar was 48. With CGMS, it wouldn't have gone below 65. And I wouldn't have felt like crap the next morning.
Emotionally, I have been going through quite a bit as of late. This is another reason I haven't really been blogging. I hate to get on here and complain all the time. Due to the things I have been stressing over, my blood sugar has been very crazy at time. This also makes me very glad I got the CGMS.
And even though I haven't been posting regularly, I have been reading pretty regularly. All of your blogs out there in the diabetes OC have really helped to keep me grounded and knowing that I have a place I can come to and find friends who deal with life every day, just like I do.
I am truly blessed, and I have been trying to remind myself of that daily. For all of you out there who have wanted to know when I would post again, here it is. And be prepared for more postings in this month of April. I am going to get back on the wagon and rejoin this world. ;)

Sugar-Free

This is going to be a short post. Short and sweet (pun intended). Am I a horrible person for refusing to eat items that are "sugar-free"? The only thing I consume on a regular basis, that is classified as "sugar-free" is my diet drinks.

Even as a child, I never enjoyed "diabetic foods". I thought they tasted funny. As I grew up, I continued to get lots of "sugar-free" this and that. It wasn't until I learned about carb counting that I realized "sugar-free" doesn't mean I can have it and not worry.

In many ways this was liberating for me. To me, it was a chance to no longer feel guilty when eating "real" sugar foods. And to not feel bad when saying, "I'd rather not eat 'diabetic' foods." I loved that. I still do.

I also wonder why they bother selling "sugar-free" foods at all. The only reason I can figure out is the fact that it sells! For so long the world was taught that diabetics were not to have any processed sugars. And it took hold. Now comes the complex task of un-doing this mindset.

Am I a "bad" diabetic for this? Should I mindlessly eat the "sugar-free" products that taste awful and cause horrible digestive issues? What is your opinion on "sugar-free"?

The inspiration for this post: the many childhood Easter baskets I received packed full of "sugar-free" candy.

(Apparently the make "sugar-free" peeps. I can't stand regular peeps. They make me nauseous. I wonder, though, what the "sugar-free" peeps taste like...)

I hope you have all had a wonderful, blessed Easter. Rejoice! He is Risen!

Happy St. Paddy's Day!

I love St. Patrick's Day. I don't know why, I just always have. It makes me smile. My friends make fun of me and tell me that it's because I'm really a leprechaun because I'm so short. I just laugh. Maybe it's true.

Due to being adopted, I don't know a lot about my family heritage. I know my mother's mother was of German decent and I believe my mother's father was of English, Irish, or Welsh decent, but I'm not sure. And I know nothing about my father's side.

So, I like to think that I really do have some Irish blood in me and that's why I like St. Patrick's Day so much. :)

I hope you have all had a wonderful day. I had a pretty decent day. I met with my Certified Diabetes Educator. It was nice. We didn't do anything major as far as changes go, but I talked with her about the ace inhibitors, my exercise and how to handle my blood sugars during this time, and about how my sensor has been working.

I really like my CDE, which is nice. We get along well and she's easy to talk to. Right now it was just more or less a way to get a second opinion and a second set of eyes on my blood sugars to see where we might fine tune. I'd really like to get my A1c lower and this may help.

Feeling Blue

For the past week or so I have been feeling a little bit blue. Since my doctor's appointment, I have really been feeling overwhelmed, unstimulated, and just kind of down in the dumps. I have been in the long process of getting myself out of this funk.

I've keep on thinking to myself, "I really need to blog. I need the support." But sadly, I haven't been able to make that move.

Last night I had a mini breakdown. I felt horrible, my blood sugar was low, I was stressed, and all I wanted to do was cry. Instead, I went to bed at around 8:30 (no worries about the blood sugar, I was doing well before I went to bed). I slept all night long and woke up this morning feeling much better.

Today I have been making an effort to be a little bit more positive in general. It's not perfect, buy I'm getting there. I am feeling motivated to clean my apartment (which is a big plus!), pay all my bills, and blog again. This, I think, is a step forward.

I don't get in these moods very often, but when I do, it is no fun and I annoy myself.

On bright point in my week was a surprise sussy from the wonderful Donna at Donnabetes. She knows how much I love my University of Tennessee! And so she sent me this wonderful IIMC:

I ordered one in the school's colors of orange and white, but when I did, I had been looking for the pink material and couldn't find it. Donna knew this and ran across some of the material.

This is such a wonderful part about the community that we have here. Selflessness and care from people we have never met. That is so important to my life and my diabetes care.

Thanks, Donna.

If any of you are looking for a way to carry your insulin pumps, you really should check out her site here. There is also a link on the right side of my page.

Misconceptions

I took this quiz today on FoxNews in their health section. This is a gross misconception on the last question that lumps all diabetics together. It disturbs me. Continually. The only positive thing I can say is that the answer does state it is Type 2 diabetics. But they answer I gave should have been correct also. Sigh

Dr. Manny's Health Quiz
Quiz Results
Your correct answers are in grey and your incorrect answers are in red.
1. People with diabetes frequently experience certain symptoms including feeling thirsty, frequent urination, weight loss and blurry vision.
Right! The correct answer is true: Not only are all these symptoms associated with diabetes, people may also experience irritability, tingling or numbness of the hands and feet and wounds that won't heal.
2. People get diabetes by consuming excessive amounts of sugar over a lifetime.
Right! The correct answer is false: Although diabetes can occur in anyone, some risk factors include family history, obesity, high cholesterol, high blood pressure and physical inactivity.
3. There is no effective treatment available for diabetes.
Right! The correct answer is false: Although there are certain differences in treatment between type 1 or type 2 diabetes, there are treatments which include having a meal plan, exercise, insulin injections and oral agents which all could help manage the high levels of sugar in the body.
4. Poorly managed diabetes can lead to heart attacks, strokes, blindness, kidney failure and blood vessel damage.
Right! The correct answer is true: By not keeping your sugars in as normal range as possible, cell destruction will begin to occur and ultimately, your overall health will begin to deteriorate.
5. Diabetes can be prevented.
Wrong! The correct answer is true: Type 2 diabetes or adult onset diabetes can be prevented by changing your lifestyle. Even small things like modest weight loss (10% of your body weight) and modest physical activity (30 minutes of exercise per day) can prevent you from developing diabetes.

An Endo Appointment and Retail Therapy

I am a firm believer in retail therapy. Most women would agree with me on this on. Today was a need for retail therapy for me.

I had my 3 month appointment with my endo. I had some of my data printed off MiniMed's Care Link, and was ready to go. I had my blood drawn for my A1c last week. I was interested to know what my A1c was since my last appointment they did my test in office and I felt it was wrong.

When they gave me my results back, it was just as I guessed: 6.7. Much higher than the in office test then did last time, and more reflective of the home testing results that I get.

I wasn't terrible disappointed, but am still actively working to get my A1c below 6. That is my ultimate goal.

My doctor also told me that when they checked my blood pressure it was 137 over 75. That is outrageous for me! My top number is typically between 96 and 110. I nearly stroked out when he told me this. I just had my blood pressure checked two weeks ago and it was 98 over 70. So I am wondering if it was just a fluke. I told my doctor this and he said he wouldn't start me on any type of blood pressure medicine.

Then he started talking about long term care and starting me on ace inhibitors. This stressed me out greatly. I have no need for ace inhibitors at this time. I am not spilling protein in my urine and I have no other problems that are diabetes related except high cholesterol (under control with meds) and the start of cataracts on both my eyes.

He told me that ace inhibitors were something that we should probably start in the next few years anyway just because it is supposed to protect your blood vessels. I don't know. I am confused and stressed.

My understanding has always been that ace inhibitors were for people who were showing signs of kidney failure. I have none. Does anyone have any opinions on this? Are any of you on ace inhibitors to prevent damage?

He was also telling me that if you are pregnant, ace inhibitors can damage the fetus within the first month. Although I am not planning pregnancy any time in the near future, how many people actually know the are pregnant in the first month??? Yet another reason to freak me completely out.

My endo did want to see me again in 2 months. I am guessing it is because he wants to see more data trends with my CGMS.

After this appointment I was so stressed about the blood pressure and the ace inhibitors, that I needed retail therapy. I promptly went to the boutique that sells the make-up I love, and promptly spent $93. This is the biggest failing I have had in my finances in a long, long time. But, I just got my tax return back, so it wasn't the end of the world.

And I figure it this way, if I am going to have to go on ace inhibitors and blood pressure meds, I might as well look beautiful while I do it. :)

On the positive side, I joined the gym. I have gone 4 of the past 6 days and am hoping that I can keep myself on track. I want to loose some weight and I know exercise is essential to a diabetics health. I have just never done it cause I HATE to exercise. I joined for 1 month and if I can make myself keep going this month, I will join the year next month.

Snow Dayz

I have been waiting all winter long for a good snow. We have a few light dustings. Nothing to even cover the ground really. I am a sucker for snow. I hate dark and dreary winter, but I love it when it snows. Go figure.

Unfortunately for me, it doesn't snow a lot here in Tennessee. In fact, the whole world nearly shuts down if we get a couple of inches.

Yesterday, around noon, it started to spit icy stuff. By the time I left work at 4:30 it had turned into snow and was starting to stick to the ground! Yeah snow!

This morning I woke up to this:

These pictures were not taken by me, since my camera is currently not in my possession. But a friend of mine took these pictures this morning and e-mailed them to me. She was gracious enough to allow me to share them with all of you.

I know we haven't gotten near as much snow as some of my fellow bloggers (Amylia!) who have been practically snowed in. But I got the snow I'd been waiting on all winter.

Now that I've had this snow, bring on the spring!

Vacation? Or not?

I went out of town this past weekend with some friends of mine. One of my best friends is getting married and moving about 4 hours away from where she & I currently live. Her future sister-in-law threw her a bridal tea this weekend, so we gathered up and went down to stay the weekend.
I thought it was going to be a fun getaway. It was. It just also turns out that I didn't get a whole lot of sleep and I am thoroughly paying for it now. The lack of sleep has made me a very unhappy person. But, I survived the day and I intend on going to bed pretty early tonight.
On trips like that, I feel like I haven't really been on vacation. Even though, in a way, I have been.
I would post lots of fabulous pictures of my weekend, but I left my camera in my friend's truck and she ended up taking it home with her. Two hours from my house. Sigh. But I am going to go visit her in a couple of weeks. She is holding it hostage till I come to get it.
So, now it's back to the work week. Back to the schedule. And back to getting to bed at a decent hour. :)

Any Time Now...

I haven't been around near enough since I got my CGMS. For that, I apologize to those of you who read my blog. I have just been busy, stressed, and tired in general. Over the weekend I took a break from the world, watched the Daytona 500 (GO #88!!), and had the day off on Monday, courtesy of Presidents' Day.
On Monday I did spend quite a bit of time cleaning out my spare bedroom. It is really just a junk room. It is piled up with boxes of random stuff, Christmas decorations, a bunch of the stuff left over from my year of teaching, and tons of craft stuff. It's so bad that I can't even get to stuff. So I did a major clean out. I hauled boxes of stuff to Goodwill and boxes of teaching stuff to a local daycare.
It's far from being done, but it's a good start. And it makes me feel like I did something productive. I think that if I start cleaning some of the clutter out of my life, I will be less stressed in other areas of my life.
CGMS has gone okay. Day one through day 4 were pretty good on the sensor. The readings were fairly accurate about 90% of the time. On night 2 it woke me up to let me know I was low. And it was right.
I changed sensors on day 5 because the readings were all over the board and not right. It was like the sensor just gave out. I actually think I calibrated at a bad (very bad) time, so it threw everything off for the rest of the life of the sensor.
I started yesterday morning with another sensor. This one I put in my thigh. It did bleed some, but there was no pain, so I am not complaining. Yesterday and today it has been fairly close, but not as close as I would like. It is reading higher than my blood sugar actually is.
As for the title of this post, any time now I would like to get a full nights sleep. Last night the sensor woke me up again with another low. It was right (for which I am very thankful), but it continues to go off every 20 minutes until your blood sugar is reading back in range. So every time I got asleep again last night, it would go off again. It took about an hour to get back up in range.
If this keeps up much more, I may have to adjust my nighttime basal.

CGMS, Dentists, Sickness, and Valentine's Day

I am now, officially, hooked up to the CGMS. I went on Tuesday afternoon to meet with my CDE and the trainer from MiniMed. It was nearly a 2 hour training and there was another person also being trained at the same time. I enjoyed the time. The rep/nurse from MiniMed is also a diabetic and is on the CGMS, so she could talk from her personal experiences. This was very nice. As you can tell, I don't have the nice, flat stomach like in the MiniMed picture on their website...sigh. To be a model.
So far, my trends have been crazy. But, that may have to do with the raging head cold that I woke up with this morning. I'm hoping to take the print-offs to my endo in March to see if there is any more tweaking that needs to be done. I have also set up another appointment with my CDE to have them help me look at trends also.
Personally, I like having second opinions on stuff. I can make changes on my own. I do it often. But sometimes it is just nice to have others look at what you are doing to see if they find anything you might have skipped over. It's like having someone proof-read your papers before you turn them in.
I had a dentist appointment on Wednesday afternoon. It was to get the last of my fillings done. My mouth is still slightly sore, but its good to know I don't have to worry about the cavities anymore.
I was supposed to go to church and a Bible study class last night, but due to snow in our area, church was cancelled. Instead, I just stayed in, ate some dinner and watched American Idol.
This morning, as I mentioned earlier, I woke up with a raging head cold. I could barely talk. And when I did, I sounded like a frog. Luckily, it got better as the day went on, but I can feel it settling back in as night falls. I HATE not being able to breath.
Today was also Valentine's Day. As a single gal, I would like to say that I don't hate Valentine's Day, but in all reality, I can't stand it. It's just depressing at times. This year wasn't too bad on my emotions, so I am very thankful for that. But sometimes I wish that the holiday would just be wiped off the map.
Why can't a guy (0r girl) just buy their significant other flowers just because? Why should they feel forced to buy the heart shaped boxes of candy, and stuffed animals, and ridiculously expensive flowers? You don't have to do it all the time. Just once in a while. Then we wouldn't have to have Valentine's Day.
Oh well. Some of you in the OC have had a great day. Kerri at Six Until Me and Allison at Lemonade Life, are two that I have already found with positive posts. I have to say that I'm very glad for them. Making the best of the day is the important part. Whether you be single, like Allison, or attached, like Kerri.
I hope you all have had a wonderful day filled with love and friends and lots of fun.

A Good Day and a Nice Surprise

I went to get a new cell phone today. Since I was in college, my dad and I have been on the same plan. He paid the bill until I got out of college and I have split it with him since. It's cheaper that way. Our 2 years was up and we were due new phones.
Personally, we were both ready for new ones. The batteries in our old phones were shot. Because I live in the middle of no where, there is only a Verizon dealer. In other words, they only sign you up. They can't take money, give you your credit (you get $100 towards a new phone after 2 years), or do anything else. So we have to drive around 45 minutes to get to a store where we can get our new phones.
This was a good thing. My dad and I don't spend nearly enough time together. Today, we spent most of the day together. I got a new phone. It's orange! Those of you who know me, know I love orange. I also promptly dropped it on the basement floor when I got home and scratched it, but I figure it was bound to happen sooner or later anyway.
We also got to go have lunch together. We went to Cracker Barrel. I love their breakfast. Actually, all their food is great, but breakfast is my favorite. I very much over carb-ed it. But it was fun. And worth it. Two hours after eating, my blood sugar was 123. Not bad. The bad part came 4 hours later when it was 205. Sigh. Oh well, at least I know not to do that very often.
After we got back home, my grandmother, my brother, his fiancee, my dad & I had dinner at my grandmother's house. It was nice. We sat around and chatted for a while.
When I got home I went to check my mail. There was a package in my box. Just a little package, but the return address said Sussy Circle. Huh? I already got my sussy. Inside I found a great note from Amylia and Beth and some little sussy from them.
This wonderful sticker from Amylia and her days in Taiwan, along with 2 pins from Beth. And a mirror.
They are all beautiful. The mirror says "Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops at all. -Emily Dickinson" Emily has always been one of my favorite poets, so this was a wonderful surprise. And it reminds me that there is always hope for a cure...if we let there be hope.
Thanks Beth and Amylia for all you did for us with the Sussy Circle. It was a wonderful and creative way to bring the Diabetes OC together and let us know each other just a little bit better.

CGMS News

My appointment with the trainer from MiniMed is February 12th at 1:30. I am so excited. By this time next week, I will be hooked up on CGMS.

Storms in Tennessee

Some of you have already been asking if I am okay. Just wanted to let you know that my town escaped the worst of the storms. We just got some wind and bad thunderstorms. However, there are several other communities that I have friends in that got hit pretty hard. So far, I don't know any of the people who have died.
I have also sent out a message on my TuDiabetes.com group, TNDiabetics, asking that people let us know they are okay and let us know if they need anything.
Thank you so much for your concern. I will try to post more today if I can. I just wanted to let you all know that I am fine.
Keep all these areas that were hit, here and in other states, in your prayers! We are going to need them.
Cara

Overnight Mail

Yesterday, as I was on my way into my class (I am currently working on my Masters degree) my phone rang. It was MiniMed, wanting to know where they could ship my new CGMS to be signed for today! I gave them my work address and they told me that it should arrive around 10:30 this morning.

I am a very impatient person. 10:00 rolled around: nothing. 10:30: nothing. 11:00: nothing. I got to lunch at 12:00. Still, nothing.

"Surely, I'll have something when I get back from lunch," I thought to myself. The blogger in me even brought my camera back from home to take a picture when the packages arrived. When I got back at 1:00....there was still NOTHING! Ahhhhh! I'm worse than a little kid on Christmas. It's killing me by this time. I even contemplated calling MiniMed and asking them what the tracking number was for FedEx.

While I sat, contemplating this phone call, my phone rang. "Cara," one of our secretaries said, "You have some packages up here."

Yeah!!!!! It's about time! I ran up front and there were two boxes there. One said "Refrigerate Upon Arrival".

I hurried them back to my desk and took a picture quickly.

Then I tore into the boxes. I examined the items quickly. Got out the owner's manual and gave it a quick glance. And then I called my doctor's office. I knew they would either refer me to the local diabetes educator, or tell me to call her and make an appointment. I talked with one of my favorite ladies at the office and she told me to just call the diabetes center and talk to my diabetes educator (the same one who helped me with my pump).

I called the center and she was not in. But I left a message with the receptionist and my phone number and told her what I was needing. She told me my CDE would get back with me today or tomorrow.

So far today, still no call. But that's okay.

When I got home I had to take out the boxes again, but the sensors in the refrigerator, and look at the manual more closely. I am still working on it, but I was so excited I had to share with you all!

Very soon I should be hooked up to the CGMS!

Also a note: My Sussy pal isn't Caro. Anyone else know who it could be from the UK? I am stumped! I am going crazy! I hope you guys can help me figure out who it is. Perhaps a person on flicker Diabetes 365 group? I don't know.

Trip-The End....And SUSSY!!!

On the last day of our trip we really didn't do anything exciting. Basically got up and ate breakfast and then started our looonnnggg drive back. The blood sugar behaved itself most of the day. And I didn't have any major problems during the trip back. Although on the last leg of my trip (from M's house to my own) I thought my contacts were going to dry to my eyeballs!

The joys of learning to wear contacts. Ahh. I ended up going back to the eye doctor and they gave me a different kind. The are working much better!

On Saturday I got my Sussy package! I was thrilled! All the items were wrapped so beautifully. Sadly, I was so very impatient to open the packages that I didn't stop to take a picture. For that, I apologize.

It was such a wonderful package. I listed on my Sussy info that orange was my favorite color. Almost everything in my package was orange! I was great.
The only bad part is there was no name! Or return address. It was mailed from London. I love getting mail from outside the U.S. But I want to be able to properly thank the person who got it for me. So, please, if you are reading this, let me know it was you!!

Trip-Part 2

On Sunday morning we got up and got ready to take a road trip to Philly. M and I had never been to Philly and we both wanted to see the Liberty Bell and Independence Hall. I made A breakfast. Biscuits and gravy. Apparently they don't have biscuits and gravy up there. And so every time I go visit I have to make it for her. It's not the best on the blood sugar, but it's fun to have every once in a while, so I didn't mind.

We took our little road trip to Philly. It was great fun and once again, the company was everything. I'm quit sure M and I could have stayed in Philly and explored all day long, but there just wasn't time. We got there right around lunch time and made a visit to have Philly Cheese steaks! We went to Jim's Steaks. Everyone seems to think they are the best in town. I am inclined to agree. It was wonderful. And very, very crowded! I recommend it if you are in town.

After that we headed to see the Liberty Bell. I have to say I was blown away. It is just awe inspiring to be in the presence of one of the symbols of American patriotism. We also did a tour of Independence Hall, where the Declaration of Independence was signed. That was also very humbling. Our nation's founding fathers literally committed treason in order to stand up for what they knew was right. I wish I could be that brave!

Now here's for the funny diabetic moment: They search all your bags when you go in to see the Liberty Bell and again when you enter Independence Hall. I have no problems with this. I understand all the security issues since 9/11. When they started to search my back pack (holding my purse, all my diabetic supplies, snacks, juice boxes, and a camera bag), the guy who was going through my stuff opened my meter bag. He looked at it and then looked at me and said, "Are you a diabetic?" I was very polite, "Yes, sir," I said, "I also have on an insulin pump." He looked at me and then was trying to zip my meter case back up and couldn't do it. I tried to help and he wouldn't let me.

All this time, the only thought I had, was that I really wanted to look at him and say, "Nah, I'm not a diabetic. I just thought it's be fun to play one for the day." And I didn't even want to say it in a mean way. It was just funny to me. Why would anyone be carrying around a meter if they weren't diabetic or with a diabetic? Unfortunately, I couldn't say this as the gentleman didn't look like he had a sense of humor.

I also discovered a new love on the way back from Philly....Starbucks. The closest Starbucks to my house is an hour away. And I HATE coffee. So I've never felt inclined to stop. But we stopped and I found a drink that doesn't taste like coffee and has only 18 grams of carbs in the grade (also known as medium). The Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte. It was yummy! I am now addicted. I've been craving them ever since.

Trip-Part 1

I am going to take a few days to tell you all about my trip. I went with a friend of mine (M) to visit another friend (A) in the D.C. area. A recently told us she was pregnant and we wanted to go visit her since she is going this whole experience alone. Not to mention that we just flat out missed her. I hadn't seen A since October and M hadn't seen her since May. So it was time for a visit.

We drove up. It took us around 8 1/2 hours from M's house (it's 2 hours from my house to M's on top of that). I usually don't like to drive, but with 2 of us going, it was cheaper than trying to fly up. Friday was pretty much shot as far as spending time with A went, since we didn't get in until around 12:30. It wasn't a horrible drive, just long. But any drive can be more bearable if you have good company.

There were no real blood sugar issues on the trip up. Things stayed pretty normal. I let the levels run in the mid to high 100's just because I didn't want any sneak attacks from the big D.
Saturday was actually when all of the fun started...

A, M, and I drove to Annapolis, Maryland to meet some friends of A. They were involved in a charity drive for Special Olympics of Maryland. It was called the Polar Plunge. Basically, what it boils down to, it people pay money to jump in the Annapolis Bay in January.

Go ahead, say it: THESE PEOPLE HAVE TO BE CRAZY!!!!!

I did. :) Only 1 of the friends actually plunged, but there were hundreds of people plunging. It was very cold and I wasn't even getting wet! But, all the money went to charity, so who am I to complain.

Although, just between you, me and the fence post, I would just pay the money and not actually jump in the water.

It was definitely an interesting day. They had all kinds of other stuff going on inside tents. The had games, and even pig races. Yup, you read correctly: pig races. I am from Tennessee, people. I grew up all around farms, although not on one. I have never seen pig races in my life. It was hilarious. It was just these little pigs running around in circles. And some guy dressed up like Old McDonald. I guess it was a novelty for the northerners...but it was a novelty to me, too!

I also did a bad D thing. I had a wonderful, sugary batch of heaven. Also known as a funnel cake. And surprisingly enough, my blood sugar didn't actually suffer too much.
Just 2 hours later it was around 150. I can't complain there.

We headed back to A's apartment after that and just hung out. We grabbed a bite to eat a California Pizza Kitchen (which I LOVE!) and watched Heath Ledger movies all night (R.I.P. Heath).

I'll finish up my weekend in the next few days. Keep on reading!

Going Away. And Just One Word.

Okay all, I am headed out of town today and won't be back until Monday night, so don't expect any posts for a few days. I will have lots of pictures when I get back I'm sure. As well as lots to blog about. I am taking a road trip with a friend to go visit another friend.

I am leaving you all with the post that's been going around the Diabetes OC lately.
Use just one word to describe me....

Have a great weekend everyone!

Questions answered....and a meme!

There were a few of you who asked questions about what I did to get approved for the CGMS. Sadly, I don't have a lot of information to give you all. I talked to my doctor about it at my last visit in early December. He said he would write the request letter. About 2 weeks after that one of the MiniMed reps contacted me (Hi, Danny!) and asked me several questions and asked me to fax him some of my blood sugar and pump data. I did all this and he put the packet together and sent it to my doctor. Then my doctor sent it in.
I do have some hypo unawareness, but I haven't even been to the hospital since 2004, so I know that wasn't a deciding factor. When I spoke with the rep again the other day to confirm the next steps, he told me they had put together a packet that was basically "trial and error" until they found something that worked. He also told me he had half a dozen or more approvals in the past several weeks with my insurance company. So evidently, they found something that works.
I didn't have to fight or appeal. They approved it the first time through. I have my next endo appointment in March, so I may ask them to see the info they sent in. I'd like to know also.
Side note: my insurance is Blue Cross Blue Shield of TN. I have heard from others on some sites (like tudiabetes.com) that BCBS is really good about this stuff (not just the TN version).

Now onto the meme. I did this one, I think, not long ago. But I can always think of things that are weird about myself, so it's no problem to do it again. I am not going to tag anyone, just consider yourself tagged if you want to do it! :)

1. I hate talking on the phone to people I don't know or don't know well. I was nearly out of college before I ever called the doctor's office myself to schedual an appointment. I also hate calling in pizza orders. The very strange part is that my job requires me to do this on a pretty regular basis. My dislike isn't improving, I am just getting used to doing it.

2. I have had glasses since I was 15. Today was the first time I ever wore contacts. I'm 26. And darn it if my right eye didn't give me the most trouble. It took forever to get it in and forever to get it out. :(

3. The first time I ever saw a beach was 2005. I was 24 years old.

4. I still like cartoons. I'm an adult. And I like cartoons. Some of the new ones are weird and annoying, but I love Disney movies, older cartoons, and the Pixar films. My favorite movie from last year was Cars.

5. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I got my degree in one thing, did that for a year, and now I am in a totally different field. And thinking about what I could do next... I can be very indecisive at times.

6. I hate to wash dishes. It's my least favorite thing to do when cleaning. I tend to put it off to the very last minute. I told a friend of mine one time that if I could find a guy who would wash dishes on a regular basis, I'd marry him. :D

7. If you have ever seen the movie Beaches with Bette Midler, I have a friend like her. We met when I was 16 and she was 15 at church camp one summer. We didn't spend much time together, but exchanged addresses. 10 years later we still write, e-mail, etc. And we couldn't be more different. We are like night and day and we still are friends. We just don't want the sad ending from Beaches!

APPROVAL!!!!

I just got my letter from the insurance company about my request for the CGMS! They approved it! First time through. I am so excited I can hardly breath! I have already talked to the rep from MiniMed and they are going to get the process started. Basically, this means I should be hooked up by no later than the end of February, if I am figuring correctly.

This is so exciting!

"Do you ever feel like you're not accomplishing anything?"

I watched a movie last night. It was one I have seen about a million times. St. Elmo's Fire. It was an 80's movie about these seven friends and their life the year or so after they graduate college. I am a huge 80's movie fan. I have several. I don't know why I like them so much, but I do.
There's a scene in the movie where Wendy (Mere Winningham) is working as a social worker. She's trying to get this woman with about 5 kids to go into some sort of training program so she can get off welfare. The woman demands that Wendy just hand over her check. After the woman leaves, Wendy's love interest Billy (Rob Lowe) walks into the office and starts talking to her. Wendy looks at him and says, "Do you ever feel like you're not accomplishing anything?"
That is kind of how I feel right now. In general. Not necessarily with my diabetes. Just about life in general.
Some days I just feel like I'm a little hampster on a wheel running in circles, but not every really getting anywhere. Do any of you feel like that?
I think it might be SAD (seasonal affective disorder). Really I do. It's just right around this time of year, every year, I start feeling like this. A little bit depressed. Not really unhappy, just not content. It usually passes in a month or so. But sitting right in the middle of it is no fun.
So, do any of you every feel like you aren't getting anything done? Like you aren't doing enough? Or that you just aren't doing what you should be doing in the world in general?
I didn't mean to depress anyone, I am just curious to see if I am the only one feeling like this lately.
Here's the clip from St. Elmo's Fire. I just have to note that there are some wonderful actors and actresses in this movie. Demi Moore, Emilio Estevez, and Andie MacDowell are also in this movie. Demi, by the way, is almost unrecognizable compared to what she looks like today!

Eyes and Teeth

Today I had a dental appointment and an appointment for my yearly dilated eye exam. To be honest about it all, I have not been to the dentist in quite some years. I have good teeth and haven't had a cavity in my life. Due to this, and lack of money (dental care's not cheap!) I hadn't been going to the dentist. Well, I went today. It wasn't good news. Basically, people, don't stop going to the dentist! I have five, count 'em: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, cavities! I am so disturbed. I didn't even know they were there. They caused no pain at all and until he told me they were there I was clueless. Sadly, I have 2 dental appointments in the next 2 weeks to get my teeth fixed. And I have learned my lesson: don't quit going to the dentist!!!

As for the eye exam, it went pretty well. There was no change to my vision (i.e. no need for new glasses) and no bleeding in my eye! I have to say, twenty two and a half years into diabetes, I count my blessings that there is no diabetic bleeding in my eyes. However, I do have the start of cataracts on both my eyes. I knew this last year, and the doctor said they had worsened some. But fortunately, they do not interfere with my vision in any way and the doctor said there is no need to do anything about it right now.

I also had to post my eye picture after viewing Scott and Landileigh's blogs of their January eye exam pictures. I figured I might as well join the group! :)

Melancholy

I haven't felt the greatest in the world today. I woke up this morning at 59. I hung out the rest of the morning right around 70 to 75. Not low, but just low enough to scare me that I was going to drop quickly. With my hypo unawareness, it was nerve wracking.

After lunch the blood sugar rebounded and hung out in the upper 100's.

With the highs and lows, I have felt a little bit "off" all day today. And a little bit anti-diabetes. Mostly I just wanted to take a break. But as we all know, there never is a break. Diabetes is always there, Every Day, Every Hour, Every Minute.

CGMS Update

I called my insurance company today to see if they had gotten the paperwork requesting they approve CGMS for me. They received it January 9th and the lady told me it was due to be reviewed by their doctor and should be done in 14 business days.
Let's just pray they approve and that I don't have to fight it!

A Moment of Weakness

An afternoon snack. A moment of weakness.

Price: $3.00 and.....

Numbers

In school I had 3 subjects that I hated with every little bit of passion in me. The first was Physical Education. I hated it. I used to fake sick at least twice a week just to keep from having to run or play volleyball or do whatever else was on the agenda for the day. I am not an athletic person. I am not even a very active person. I don't know why, but it is something that I am having to work daily to correct. It's a goal I struggle with all the time.

Another subject I hated was science. I just wasn't good at it, therefore, I didn't like it.

The last subject that I really hated was math. This was also something I was never really good at. Numbers and I just don't get along.

Yet in some weird way, numbers control my life.

-Blood sugar numbers

-Grams of carbs

-Insulin to carb ratios

-Basal rates

-Prescription numbers

-A1c

-Cholesterol

-Grams of fat

-Grams of fiber

Even my picture for today's post represents a number. The juice box that sits next to my bed in case of a nighttime low: 13 grams of carbs.

Numbers rule my world, yet they are something that I hate to think about. Something I hate to do. Ironic, isn't it?

New Year's

I know it's a little late, but I was out of town. This might be a terribly long blog, but I have lots to say.
First off, I have to thank Amylia for the wonderful postcard she sent me before leaving Taiwan. It's beautiful. And a really cool souvenir. Also, lots of healthy thoughts I am sending her way since she and Figgy are not feeling well right now.

Secondly, I hope everyone had a safe and fun New Year. I had a really good night New Year's Eve and managed to be in bed by 1:30. Pretty good by my standards. I'm getting way too old to pull the all nighters. I was ready to crash by 10:00.

Thirdly, I have made some non-resolutions. I really don't like to call them resolutions because I will end up breaking them. Here are my non-resolutions:

1. Start exercising. I hate to exercise, but I know I need to.

2. Start taking fiddle lessons and/or violin lessons. I need to use my Christmas present!

3. Travel somewhere new. I am not sure where or when or even how. But I want to go somewhere that I haven't been before.

These may seem pretty easy to do. They are basic. That's how I need 'em. Otherwise, they will never get done!

Lastly, I want to share one of my bad diabetes moments from this weekend. I don't know about everyone else, but when I am out of town or out of my normal routine, my blood sugars can be completely crazy. Having an insulin pump helps a lot, but sometimes, not enough. I spent the long weekend with a friend and her family. They have really treated me like one of their own and have done a lot to make me feel like a part of their family. I love to spend time with them.

Saturday we spent most of the day working on the farm. They have a working farm with horses and cattle. That day, they were putting shavings in barn stalls. I always work when I'm with them. I like it. It's different. Some of it is stuff I've never done before. Some of it is.

It's also more physical exercise than I am used to. All day on Saturday I was chasing high blood sugars with insulin. I had nothing under 180 all day long. I even started stacking insulin, which I try desperately not to do since I know it can lead to lows, which I typically don't catch.

We ate dinner late that night; around 8:00. It was fast food and a type of fast food that I don't typically eat. I knew that I needed to be careful about how I gave my insulin since my blood sugar was already around 100 (my first normal reading all day long!). I bolused with a pretty good guess (so I thought), ate, and went with my friend and her brother to get on the Internet. I wanted to check my e-mail (I was having major e-mail withdrawls!) and they were looking up songs.

It couldn't have been more than 30 to 45 minutes after eating dinner when I started to feel sick. Not a sick that would say "Hey! You are having a low!" It was more like an "I'm really tired and dinner made me sick to my stomach." type of feeling. I even started feeling a little claustrophobic. I asked my friend's brother, who was sitting in front of the door, to move so I could get out. I vaguely remember walking to the kitchen and laying my head on the table.

I must have fallen asleep for a minute because I jerked back awake when I heard someone come in the kitchen. Then I just picked up my meter, opened the case & checked. I don't remember looking at the number, but the next thing I know my friend's mother asks me how the result was. She had to ask me twice for me to answer her.

I remember saying "I'm low. I need juice." In my mind, I knew I had a juice box upstairs in my purse, but my body wouldn't move. She must have told me there was juice in the fridge because the next thing I know I was in front of the fridge with the door open just staring. I couldn't focus. I couldn't find the juice. She came over, handed to me and I sat back down at the table.

I tried to open the bottle of juice, but couldn't. I don't remember him coming in, but my friend's brother was sitting at the table and I pushed the juice at him and said, "Open." He did. I downed the whole bottle in one gulp and then just started crying. I just cried and cried.

By this time, pretty much everyone in the house was in the kitchen with me. My friend's sister and boyfriend were also there. They told me later I cried and said it was because I thought my friend's sister was going to make fun of me.

I also started eating cookies. I know better than to do this, but when your blood sugar after juice is 66, you just start to eat automatically.

I remember bits and pieces of the whole thing. The rest they filled me in on. I haven't had a low that bad in several years. One where I had no control or ability to care for myself. It scared me. I hate crying, but when I have a low that bad, that's all I can do.

I hate that feeling of helplessness. That feeling of knowing what I need to be doing and having the inability to do it for myself.

I felt guilty. I hate depending on others to care for me. I know they didn't really care. My friend's father has Type 2 diabetes. They deal with this also. But I still hate doing that to someone. I think that's part of the reason I cry.

The rest of my weekend was good. I had a good time. Got to spend some quality time with my friend, whom I don't see nearly enough.

But to ruin a perfect weekend, the big D had to rear it's ugly head.

There is not cure for diabetes. Yet. (Thanks for that line Amylia)